If classic movies and literature have taught us anything, love often comes from the most unexpected of places.
Even avoiding old clichés, however, people often find themselves surprised by the person who ends up being the love of their life.
More often than not, it’s the type of person who might not have fit their preconceived ideas of appearance, personality or profession.
Or, for that matter, they simply might not have actually liked them the first time they met.
But love is unavoidable, and comes without warning.
A concept which Redditor Tobeslim all but refused to grasp upon learning of her younger sister’s fiancé.
So unconvinced was the original poster (OP) by her sister’s supposed love, that she even questioned if her love was genuine directly to her face.
Something her younger sister didn’t appreciate one bit.
Wondering if she had stepped out of bounds, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for suggesting that my sister chose an easy love?”
The OP explained how after learning more about her younger sister’s fiancé, she couldn’t help but question if there were ulterior motives to her upcoming marriage.
“My younger sister and I were very close when young but no so much now.”
“I was born in fairly well to do Hindu family.”
“I fell in love and married a Muslim man and had to convert to his religion.”
“My family was pretty pissed off that I converted but we’ve kept in touch.”
“Recently my sister announced that she was in love with a guy she’d met while trekking and they had plans to marry.”
“My mom invited me for a ‘girl’s day’, just me, her and my sister at my parent’s home for a fun day.”
“My sister began to talk about her fiancé, how they hated each other at first but then fell in love etc etc.”
“I was happy for her.”
“It all began when I asked what religion he was.”
“Imagine my surprise when she said that he was Hindu AND THE SAME COMMUNITY AS OUR PARENTS.”
“This would mean that it would make my father absolutely over the moon.”
“I asked her if she was sure she loved him, because it seemed unbelievable that she would meet someone from the same small community as our parents’ and fall in love.”
“She got angry and told me that she was absolutely sure she was in love with him.”
“I suggested that maybe she thought she was in love because it was easy and there was no challenges involved.”
“I explained to her that if she was truly in love, she wouldn’t choose someone so obviously a match.”
“It was as though our parents chose him from a catalogue.”
“She told me that it didn’t matter, she loved him and thats it, and I was being rude.”
“I told her that I wasn’t, I was just looking out for her and didn’t want her to bear the brunt of societal expectations on who to marry.”
“I then asked her if she was marrying him to appease our parents.”
“At this point my sister blew up on me and began fuming that she was not a kid, she didn’t need to appease anyone etc etc.”
“At this point my mom told me, not her, to get out of the house.”
“Later my sister told me never to contact her again, nor ever see her face or come to her wedding.”
“She called me ‘toxic’.”
“I was just looking out for her.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP found little to no sympathy from the Reddit community for her behavior, who unanimously found her to be the a**hole.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s refusal to believe her sister’s love was genuine, it was also none of her business.
“You can’t be in love if you’re an obvious match?”
“What nonsense is this?”
“I understand that you are concerned she is choosing her life partner for her parents and not for herself.”
“But the way you went about this was all wrong and you owe your sister an apology.”- Wikidess
“Yes, YTA, it might seem unlikely but choosing a partner that you love AND pleases your parents can happen.”
“You could have asked her once if she was sure and if your parents had influenced things but if she said no, she genuinely loved him, then you should have stopped and told her that you were happy for her.”- SendMe-DogPics
“You shouldn’t be an obvious match with the person you plan on marrying?”
“What nonsense is this?”
“How condescending.”- tinyahjumma
“YTA and really bitter.”
“You were vile to her and absolutely toxic.”- SkullBearer
“You sound bitter that your sister is going to have an easier path than you.”
“It’s not at all weird that she fell in love with someone from her community.”
“Having that in common can be a real bond for people.”
“You way, way overstepped and were really sh*tty to her at what should have been a happy moment.”
“Apologize right away or the ‘toxic’ label will absolutely apply.”- wigglebuttbiscuits
“Not everybody has to go through fire and brimstone to find their true love.”
“Be happy for your sister and stop being bitter that you decided to pick someone who wasn’t a ‘perfect match’.”- chrixtxne_
“If you don’t see why YTA, I don’t think we can say anything to change your mind.”
“The absolute worst is your defense of yourself.”
“How is telling your sister you don’t believe she’s really in love ‘looking out for her’?”- dreadedwheat
“I’m too speechless to explain why.”- MinGosling
“Do you even have to ask?”
“It sounds like you’re surprised that love can be a nice thing.”
“You need to look at yourself and you definition of ‘love’.”
“You were toxic, and trying to implant sick ideas into her head and ruin her happiness.”
“But that’s not the part that troubles me.”
“I’m worried for you because I’m not sure if you’re actually an a**hole, or whether your experiences with ‘love’ have been negative, and you choose to tell yourself that no man is perfect, rather than accept that you drew a short stick.”
“I did that once before.”
“I told myself to accept my ex-bf because no man is perfect, but then I left anyway, and let me tell you, there’s always someone better out there.”
“Take care of yourself, because something tells me that you’re hiding the same way I did.”- 515TER_F15TER
“She is a grown woman and can marry who she likes.”
“I understand you’re trying to look out for her, but it is her decision.”
“For her sake though, I hope that she is marrying for all the right reasons.”
“But it was rude for you to make those insinuations.”- wykae
“Why are you gatekeeping her love?”- bigrottentuna
“For the way you framed her intentions.”
“It might be convenient that his religion conforms with your parents’, but that would not invalidate her feelings for him if she says she loves him.”- RustedCornHole
“Holy sh*t, who are you decide if she really loves him?! “
“You’re talking nonsense.”- JanetSnarkhole
“I understand asking her once if you were worried about some unconscious pressure or something, but wtf are you doing being so pushy about it?”
“What does that even mean?”
“Since when are you the authority on what constitutes being ‘truly in love’?”
“Love doesn’t have to be this tumultuous, opposites attract, we love each other in spite of this differences, Hollywood bullsh*t.”
“In my personal experience, it actually probably shouldn’t be.”
“Of course she met and fell in love with a guy who is the same religion and from the same community as her.”
“Those two things right there mean they have a ton in common and a ton of the same values.”
“That’s not even going into what interests they share.”
“The guy I dated before my husband was a conservative Catholic who wasn’t very into the arts, and wasn’t very adventurous food-wise.”
“While I am a non-religious liberal who loves cinema, music, literature, and theatre and I’m a total foodie.”
“My husband is also a non-religious artsy liberal who is adventurous with food and otherwise.”
“Being around my husband is so easy.”
“Talking to him is so easy.”
“While I did love my previous boyfriend very much at one time, it is nothing compared to the comfort, love and ease I feel with my husband.”
“Love doesn’t have to be hard.”- Charles_Chuckles
One can only assume it was jealousy which prompted the OP’s behavior.
Jealousy that love did apparently come so easy to her sister, and. she didn’t need to fight for her parent’s approval like the OP did.
One hopes that some time apart from her sister to reflect on her behavior might allow her to see the error of her ways.
And also realize that no two people share the same love story.