We’ve all been told to “toughen up” by our parents at least once in our lives.
Sometimes, their “tough love” was justified, as we sometimes do indeed need to learn to stand up for ourselves and face our fears.
Other times, however, it quite simply isn’t helpful.
Not only having no positive long-term effects on our lives, but also having ramifications that could be hazardous to our health.
Redditor ThrowAway44228800 was given a diagnosis at a very young age.
A diagnosis the original poster (OP)’s parents tried to eradicate themselves, with very mixed results.
Over time, the OP found a way to live happily with this diagnosis.
Unfortunately for her, her mother was less than accepting of her newfound way of life, resulting in a very public war of words between the two ladies.
Having some concerns over how she handled herself, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for embarrassing my parents in public over an allergy?”
The OP shared how a chronic health issue was also a chronic point of stress between her and her parents:
“I (19 F[emale]) have been allergic to dairy since I was a baby.”
“My doctor and parents had a whole schedule for the first half of my life to get me acclimated to dairy.”
“It went from me throwing up every night as a baby to the point where I could eat a pretty unrestricted diet and have no real symptoms other than stomach pain when I was in middle school.”
“This sounds kind of stupid lol, but it took me until a couple of months ago to realise that the stomach pain is actually a symptom and not a thing I just need to deal with.”
“I was on a school trip and asked if I could have the dairy-free meals (because I knew my stomach would feel icky from motion sickness and traveling), and I actually ended up feeling great, so ever since coming back to university, I’ve basically gone dairy-free, and my digestion has been great.”
“However, because I now have lost all my tolerance for dairy, even very little makes me nearly as sick as when I was a really young child.”
“I’ve told my parents this and they basically said ‘Do whatever you want at school but we didn’t spend nearly two decades getting you used to dairy just to cut it out now, that’s a lot of time wasted’.”
“I had to go home recently for a family event that my parents hosted, and we had a big family meal with a lot of extended relatives where nearly everything had dairy.”
“I tried scraping sauce and cheese off of stuff,f but I ingested some anyway clearly because I felt gross and spent a lot of time in the bathroom.”
“At one point, my mother got annoyed at me for leaving the table so much (I was leaving a lot) and said kind of angrily, ‘Why are you being so rude at this event?'”
“This annoyed me because I didn’t feel I was being rude. I was sick, so I said to her, ‘Why don’t you take my allergy seriously?'”
“‘You’re the reason I’ve been eating stuff that makes me sick for all my life’.”
“The issue is that I think that was kind of harsh of me.”
“My parents do believe I have an allergy. They just also believe they cured it with the diet plan my doctor had me on.”
“And they’ve told me that they only pursued it because my doctor said it could increase my quality of life to not have an allergy–which, to be fair, when I was on this plan, I was able to digest more without getting sick; my stomach just hurt a lot.”
“I feel like I may’ve been unnecessarily rude in how I reacted to my mother, and I’m also worried I drew attention to myself that wasn’t needed (a lot of my relatives were asking if I was okay after dinner, which was kind of them but really not the focus of the event).”
“I appreciate everybody telling me I’m lactose intolerant.”
“I am not.”
“I have been to several doctors throughout my life and gotten actual allergy tests.”
“I am allergic to the dairy protein.”
“If the symptoms I’ve shared sound like lactose intolerance, that’s very interesting and good to know, but the one thing I am certain about is the diagnosis I have received.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community stood firmly behind the OP, agreeing that the OP was not the a**hole for snapping at her mother in front of her extended family.
Everyone agreed that the behavior of the OP’s parents bordered on abusive, and since they seemed to ignore the physical pain and discomfort they put her through throughout her childhood, the OP needed to finally call them out:
“NTA.”
“They tried to ‘cure’ your allergy, but it didn’t really work.”
“You were still in a lot of physical distress.”
“Maybe their efforts improved your quality of life compared to what it would have been had you followed a normal diet, but your quality of life has been most improved by eliminating dairy from your diet altogether.”
“Besides, if it only took 3 months to eliminate all ‘their efforts, ‘ you weren’t cured.”
“You were barely managing the condition.”
“They don’t seem to get that.”- SoMuchMoreEagle
“NTA.”
“My sister wasn’t diagnosed with a dairy allergy (protein, not lactose) until she was in college.”
“Growing up, she got stomach aches from eating ice cream.”
“In college she ended up in the hospital where she found out that she is allergic to dairy and gluten.”
“Since cutting them out of her diet, she’s felt better.”
“The gluten allergy isn’t severe, but too much (or several days of exposure), and it affects her gut.”- WyvernJelly
“NTA.”
“You’re not supposed to be in pain every time you eat.”
“That sounds like torture, and they should have stopped the diet a long time ago, maybe consult a decent doctor.”- Otherwise_Degree_729
“NTA.”
“Sounds like you did the milk ladder.”
“My daughter is lactose intolerant.”
“But there are dairy products that she can tolerate and many that she can’t.”
“By doing the milk ladder, we found out what triggered her, and we avoid them.”- Unlikely-Shop5114
“NTA.”
“Have you told your parents how much eating a dairy-inclusive diet causes you pain and discomfort, even at the peak of their efforts to acclimate you to dairy?”
“They may be assuming that your dairy tolerance didn’t have any negative impacts, especially if you got used to downplaying the pain you were in.”
“It might be worth another attempt to sit them down and explain to them how the dairy diet they insisted on gave you constant stomach pains until you finally cut out dairy completely.”
“You deserve to be able to share a meal with your family without feeling sick after, but if your parents won’t accommodate this, you may have to put your foot down and start bringing your own food to family events or coordinating with other family members to make sure there are dishes you can eat.”- totes_toast
“NTA.”
“It’s your body and your diet.”
“Stomach pain is a valid symptom, and if you’re feeling the benefits of avoiding it, then that’s a positive.”
“Your parents are maybe just aggrieved at what they see as being a waste of time now, but their efforts likely gave you a lot more freedom in your childhood.”
“It doesn’t mean you owe it to them to continue suffering in silence, though.”- Mysteryyy87
“NTA.”
“They were insisting you eat food that upsets your body in public and then got uppity with you that the food upset your body?”
“You shouldn’t have to be in pain for the sake of ‘normalcy’.”- ctortan
“NTA, not by a mile.”
“You found a diet that works for you and fixed your pain, and they basically dismissed your symptoms and forced you to eat things that will actively harm your digestive tract.”
“It is a well-known fact that in order to live pain-free when you have digestive issues, you try to map what causes you pain and exclude it from your diet, which you did with success because you’ve been pain-free ever since.”
“You were right to lose your temper, and they need to do better.”- Spicymoose29
There are few moments in any day better than a family gathering round the table and sharing meal together.
Something the OP never got to enjoy, because her parents force-fed her food that she couldn’t properly digest.
Something the OP needed them to understand, which one can only hope they now do.
As it seems crystal clear to the rest of their extended family now.