They say you don’t know people until you live with them, I say you don’t know them until you travel with them.
People have different priorities while traveling, so coming to an understanding and accepting that you don’t have to do everything together is the safest way to survive a friends’ trip.
Redditor throaway_70812 encountered this very issue with her boyfriend and his friends. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my boyfriend’s friends I’d rather not vacation with them and that they’re gluttonous?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (23f) have been with my boyfriend (28m) for 4 years now.”
“For context, these friends were friends with boyfriend for years before he met me. Over the years they have become my friends as well as we’re all part of the same circle now (about 14 people.)”
“For obvious reasons, I’m not as close with them as my spouse is.”
“Now here’s where it all starts. Back in February 2019, my boyfriend and I decided to spend a weekend at Disneyland. It was originally going to be just us 2, but he had asked if I would be okay if he invited some friends, about 6 of the 14 people, of this 6, 4 were guys and 2 were women and they were girlfriends of 2 of the guys.”
“These 4 guys are my boyfriend’s closest friends in the group. I agreed since I thought that it would be fun, but I was wrong.”
Their friends were focusing solely on the food.
“They, referring to the 4 guys, didn’t want to go on any rides or see any of the shows. They only wanted to eat at the various Disney restaurants.”
“To be frank, I don’t care much for eating theme park food as tasty as it may be. The food is overpriced and I just don’t feel comfortable eating so much fattening food. The other women in the group didn’t care much for the food either, but they sat along while their partners ate.”
“This would have been fine if they let my boyfriend and I go off and enjoy ourselves, but they guilted him into not leaving them behind ‘we want to ride x ride together.'”
“I did not enjoy my Disney weekend very much.”
Now, there’s another trip in the making.
“Fast forward to this past weekend, the original Disney 6 were at our place. My boyfriend brought up that we’re planning a little getaway near the end of summer.”
“One of the guys said he’d love to join us and the others followed. Before I could say ‘actually it’s just a couple getaway for the two of us’ my boyfriend said ‘Sure! Sounds great!.’”
“I paused, and then said to the group ‘To be honest, I would prefer if you all didn’t come.'”
“My boyfriend’s closest friend asked why I didn’t want them to come and I said ‘I just think we have different holiday priorities. As evidenced by Disney.'”
“He then followed up with ‘Oh you didn’t have fun at Disney?’ I said ‘No, being gluttonous is not how I want to spend a vacation. It’s okay if you do, but it’s clear we’re just not compatible to holiday anymore.'”
“The rest of the night was awkward and quiet. After they left, my boyfriend said I was being a diva and out of line.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was the a**hole.
“YTA.”
“How to keep friends: ‘I want this to be a romantic getaway for just the two of us, but we should all hang out again soon.'”
“How to lose friends: ‘F**k no I don’t want to vacation with you lazy fat a**es, yuck!'”
“Guess which one you picked?” ~ Fleetdancer
“Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins. And it isn’t a word used in everyday conversation in English. You are missing the nuance here.” ~ Ill_Understanding826
“I mean, even if OP had just said ‘excessive eating,’ that’s a sh*tty thing to say to friends. It’s not OP’s business or problem how much these people choose to eat on a vacation. She could have said she didn’t want the vacation to be a group thing without bringing their eating habits into it.” ~ Perfect_Crow
“And talked about them eating ‘so much fattening food’ — on vacation!!! If she said ‘you guys like to go out to eat a lot and I’d rather go on rides and see shows,’ that’s fine. ‘You’re gluttons who eat food I think is bad’ is an a**hole thing to say.” ~ ultraprismic
“There’s a difference between ‘being honest’ and ‘being a jerk’. She could be honest without insulting them.”
“She could say they have different priorities, or that she wants a couples getaway. Those are still honest. I hate it when ppl use ‘I’m just being honest!’ as an excuse to be mean.” ~ Jazzisa
Some argued the friends were also at fault.
“I agree but I’m gonna say this seems more of an ESH situation.”
“OP for the obvious (poor choice of words). Friends for just inviting themselves to other people’s vacations. BF for just agreeing to let them join without any prior discussion.”
“Like – everyone here just has real poor behavior and manners lol.” ~ DeviousCheesecake
“They said he asked her to bring the friends to Disneyland.”
“I don’t think the friends are assholes either for asking to go, all a regular person needs to do is say ‘no we’re just going for a couples holiday’ and nobody is going to press the issue further usually haha.” ~ sillysausage619
“I wasn’t referring to them inviting themselves to Disney because that was a different discussion were BF DID talk about it with OP before inviting friends. I mean this second get away.”
“Asking to tag on a couples holiday is in poor taste IMO. So I think they can accept some ESH on that. She did start off with ‘I’d prefer if you guys didn’t come’ and they DID press. Sure that was her chance to say ‘it’s a couples getaway’ or ‘I want this one to be just me and bf’ which is where OP sucks.”
“Hence why I see this as ESH. If I were OP I’d have been pretty pissed at friends and bf too but would probably have just ‘uh no, it’s a couples holiday. Maybe we can do something next time’ then have a discussion with bf about boundaries and communication when friends have left.” ~ DeviousCheesecake
Talk to your partner about boundaries without judging your friends’ eating habits.