New Mom Tells Injured Husband To Recover At In-Laws' Home Since She's Too Busy With Baby

When a member of your household has fallen ill or is indisposed, the logical thing to do is for everyone in the house to pitch in and help.

This can be complicated, however, should your household population be exactly two people.

Nevertheless, they will still step up to the plate and help their loved ones for as long as necessary.

But what happens when both members of a two-member household require significant help?

This was a quandary Redditor forgetting-you- recently had to face.

As the original poster (OP)'s husband was recovering from a recent surgery, requiring a significant amount of help around the house.

Unfortunately, the OP was in no position to provide this required help, as she was also recovering from a significant medical procedure herself.

While the OP thought she came up with a solution to this problem, it was one they feared might hurt her husband's feelings.

With this on her mind, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for trying to get my husband to recover from his surgery at his parents house instead of helping him myself?"

The OP explained why she felt temporarily kicking her husband out of her house was in the best interests of both her and her husband:

"1 week ago I had a traumatic delivery, after pushing for over 6 hours I had to have an emergency c section and delivered our first baby."

"On top of the pain from the c section, I pulled my back out from pushing for so long and the doctors told me I had the worst vaginal swelling they've ever seen."

"So recovering from that wasn't fun at all either."

"A couple days before my due date he fractured his ankle at a softball game and got surgery for it yesterday."

"I'm in so much pain from t*ts to toes and since I didn't have as much help from him I was forced to do a lot way too quickly which hindered my own recovery."

"it's hard enough having a newborn rely on me, which i've been managing fine, but having my husband whine about how much pain his ankle it in and having to cater to him would not be good for my own mental health and I think he will heal way quicker if he just toughs out his hardest days with his parents so his mom can take care of him."

"The baby doesn't rely on him right now and it doesn't matter to the baby that he won't be here even though I know he misses the baby and I understand why he wants to be here."

"I know that it's my job as his wife to care for him and I wish I had more sympathy for what he's going through but the lack of support I've felt during my pregnancy and delivery and post partum has just made me kind of numb to it all."

"That sounds horrible but this whole thing has just been very hard on me and I'm sure it hasn't been fun for him either but these are just the cards that I've been dealt with and I'm trying to do what's best for me so that I can do what's best for our baby and the quicker I can recover the quicker I will be able to be there to help him."

"I spoke with his mom and she understands that it's best for him to recover at least the week while he's at his house or at least until he's not completely bed bound."

"My mom has been with me and i'm not alone."

"He wouldn't expect me to do anything for him and would try and be as self sufficient as possible but he almost completely wiped out in the kitchen the other day trying to clear his own plate."

"He did also have a major surgery and will need some help that I currently cannot provide him with and i just want what will be best for him."

"I love him with my entire heart and he is a good husband and a good father and I am aware that I definitely do hold a bit of resentment surrounding the entire situation and the entire labor and delivery process and recovery which is just one of those it is what it is situations and there's nothing anyone can do about it."

"I feel bad that he's in pain I genuinely would never want to see him in pain but due to everything that's happened I don't have the sympathy to give."

"Like hearing about how 8 hours of sleep doesn't have him well rested or how he's so uncomfortable it's hard to sleep (as if i haven't been dealing with that for half my pregnancy)."

"I'm also a new mom and my hormones are all over the place trying to adjust to everything. not looking for any sympathy for myself I just wanted to know if my feelings and reaction to any of this was valid."

"AITA?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for wanting her husband to recover at his mother's home.

Everyone thought that the OP was only thinking of each of their best interests, and it wasn't fair to either of them to rely on help from each other that they simply couldn't provide at the moment... even if some felt that a better solution would be to ask both of their mothers to temporarily move in, while a few others had trouble sympathizing with her husband:

"NTA."

"You are not physically able to give him the help and care that he needs."

"Your priority is yourself and the baby."

'He needs somebody who would be able to help him, and that's not you."

"Would his mother be able to bring him by the house for an hour or two a day to see the baby?"

"He sees the baby still, but it wouldn't be up to you to help him."- WebAcceptable7932

"NTA."

"You shouldn't even be out of bed yet! Is he able to walk at all?"

"Sounds like you both need help."

"Him going to Mom's is a partial solution, but you still need help postpartum."

"You shouldn't even be lifting anything heavier than your baby or navigating stairs or any walk longer than bathroom and back."- InstructionTop4805

"NTA."

"You have to do what's best for your own health, and consequently the health of the baby, at a time like this, and your husband should support you even if it means he misses out."

"Your husband is also the AH for the lack of support during your pregnancy, which may point to bigger issues in your you relationship, but I won't focus on that here as it is not the point of your question."

"However I can't help but feel that there is a better solution here than you doing everything for the baby by yourself while husband stays with his mother."

"If the mother is available to care for her son, is she also available to help with her grandchild?"

"If she lives locally, then maybe she could come over for a few hours a day to both support your husband and take care of the baby while you get some rest."

"Or you could even all go and stay with her, if that works for her and is practical."

"Obviously I don't know your whole family dynamic and if the husband's needy, unhelpful tendencies come from his upbringing, then maybe grandma is not the best option, but if she's open to helping then she could be a great resource."- BanterPhobic

"'I know that it's my job as his wife to care for him'."

"What about his job?"

"Does he not have to care for you and your child?"

"It sounds like he thinks his ankle trumps childbirth and caring for a newborn!"

"Tell him to suck it up."

"NTA."- jmbbl

"NTA."

"I had a broken ankle (still have hardware in it, 25 years later)."

"For the first few days, even standing was a no-no—foot had to be elevated."

"And that sucker hurt like hell any time it caught even a little fresh swelling, so so I followed those instructions."

"Until I was weight-bearing, there were many ordinary things I couldn't do, or do efficiently."

"Try carrying a plate of food while using crutches."

"It takes practice."

"Getting laundry done, ay-yi-yi."

"I was lucky to be near family at the time."

"And I did use prescribed narcotics that first week."

"Ankles HURT."

"There is no way your man should be allowed to, for example, fall asleep with the baby while dosed on the heavy pain relief."

"That's just dangerous."

"So he won't even be able to hold the baby for long stretches until he's off whatever heavy stuff they send home with him."

"I'm also a parent of twins who were born by C-section."

"There is no way a new mom at just a week postpartum, who should be lifting nothing heavier than a baby and focusing on Eat-Activity with baby-Sleep-You (EASY) shouldn't be carrying the full load for the household alone AND tending to the needs of a temporarily disabled adult."

"It sucks massively that your husband was injured."

"I'm sure it has completely thrown all your and his expectations out the window."

"He's going to have to just experience feeling sad about this and get through it, but you can't have him with you unless he brings his own full-time caregiver who is 100% on the job."

"Your husband is being super selfish and clueless."

"He completely underestimates how much help he needs, and how much you need."

"He could choose to make your life easier and show you support and care, but he's centering his disappointment over your very real needs."

"I'm so sorry this is happening to you, OP."

"I hope he comes to his senses."- Amiedeslivres

The OP later returned with an update, particularly aimed at those who felt a need to take jabs at her husband:

"A lot of the comments are sh*tting on my husband or being dismissive of his pain, which was never my intention from making this post."

"The other half of the comments I'm seeing are sh*tting on me for putting this out on the internet or for not having any sympathy and comparing our pain."

"I understand he is in a tremendous amount of pain as well and that his recovery is going to be a long one."

"I hate to see him in any pain at all, and I do feel bad for everything he is going through, but it's hard to have sympathy when this all could have been avoided in the first place, and the timing of it all was just awful."

"I read as many comments as I can and appreciate everyone giving me an outside perspective on my situation."

"I'm really struggling mentally, emotionally, and physically, and I'm sure that he is too, and I'm hoping that we both can recover soon from all of this."

Both the OP and her husband were dealt an incredibly unfair hand. They are both currently in need of round-the-clock care and shouldn't need to rely solely on one another.

This is something the OP seems to be painfully aware of, hence her thinking that it might be best for her husband to recover elsewhere.

However, if both their mothers live nearby, perhaps a better idea would be for both of them to tag team and come to them.

An idea that will hopefully cross everyone's minds, resulting in a happy ending for everyone.