We all have pet peeves and things that bother us, and a key issue for a lot of us is the sharing of food, especially when another person doesn’t ask first.
At the end of the day, it’s a boundary like any other, and the people in our lives should respect our boundaries and not take our food without asking, reasoned the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Ok-Explanation-1223 had never liked it when his wife took his food without asking, especially when she took his food rather than getting some for herself.
But when she recently took a lot of his meal while he was taking medication, the Original Poster (OP) decided enough was enough.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for yelling at my wife for refusing to stop eating my fries?”
The OP recently placed an order at McDonald’s.
“I know fry stealing has been a topic here before, but here goes. My fries were stolen, and I want to know if I was wrong in the way I handled it.”
“My (48 Male) son (15 Male) asked if we would pick up some McDonald’s for lunch while we were out. My wife (49 Female) had already eaten, and we had food at home, so she said if he wanted fast food, he could spend his own money on it.”
“My wife and I swung by the McDonald’s drive-through, and because I had not yet eaten, she placed our son’s order and got a combo for me. She did not order anything for herself.”
The OP’s wife decided to help herself to the OP’s food.
“When we pulled up to the window, she began to put on hand sanitizer, and I asked if she was going to eat other people’s fries. She said yes.”
“This is an old habit that we’ve had friction about before, but not for several years. She knows that it drives me crazy and that I would much prefer her to order something for herself, rather than eating the food that I ordered. Had I known I would be ordering for two, I would have ordered differently.”
“My wife began to eat fries from the bag with glee, and I asked her why she thought that was OK.”
“She said, ‘I’m only eating one’ and then proceeded to eat a dozen more.”
“She said that she was not eating my fries but was eating our son’s fries.”
“I reminded her that he likes fries and wanted McDonald’s enough to offer to pay for it with his own money. She has at this point eaten half of his fries, so she took a handful from mine and filled his back up.”
“I need to take medicine before I eat, so I was waiting the five minutes until we got home to eat. Meanwhile, she kept reaching into the bag and continuing to eat french fries. Each time, I asked her to stop, she’d say, ‘It’s not a big deal!’ or ‘Just one more!'”
“I could feel myself fuming as she continued eating my food while I waited to eat. After what was the fourth or fifth time I asked her to stop eating my food, she said, ‘You’re being kind of a jerk, ‘and I said, voice raised and frustrated, ‘Because you won’t stop eating my f**king french fries!'”
The OP’s wife accused him of being the bad guy.
“At that point, she looked wounded, went quiet, and ditched the plans we had to go look at cars later in the afternoon, instead giving me the cold shoulder all day.”
“She was in good spirits while she was eating my food, and her demeanor changed completely when I got upset. I don’t doubt that I hurt her feelings, and it probably embarrassed her somewhat. I didn’t like it either.”
“When I ask what is the matter, she just said she doesn’t enjoy being yelled and cursed at, which is understandable. Nobody does, and I get that. I might be the a**hole too. I also know that she ignored multiple requests to stop eating my lunch until I raised my voice, at which point she stopped.”
The OP’s wife continued to press the issue.
“She was still mad at my treatment of her, and I could hear her talking to a girlfriend on the phone about it last night after some wine, ‘And over McDonald’s fries, can you believe it?'”
“She slept on the couch last night and is gone all day today to get out of the house.”
“She texted me this morning that she was able to share her leftover pizza with me a couple of days ago without making me feel little or like less of a person.”
“I told her that situation was different because I only ate her shared leftovers after she offered, which is different than her eating my food before I could, after I asked her repeatedly to stop.”
“She said that she was never cooking for me again and that she will only be making food for herself and our son from now on.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were angry on the OP’s behalf and felt the wife was selfish.
“NTA. I was getting mad reading it!! It’s infuriating and then to play the victim after. She’s an id**t.” – Vast-Video-7701
“If she took three or four fries and said she was stealing them, I’d be slightly annoyed but let it go.”
“Continuously reaching in the bag and eating more and more after repeatedly being asked to stop? For f**k’s sake, stop being so d**n selfish and get a small order of fries for yourself.”
“A small order of fries from McDonald’s isn’t that many calories, and it’s the appropriate size for someone who wants ‘just a few.'” – armywife81
“The worst part is she KNEW she had those five minutes to eat while he waited for medication to hit. I would definitely be buying her one of her own if that is the only time she does this, but if not, I would look at the relationship much more closely! I’d be worried that the problems START with the fries… NTA, OP.” – lauraz0919
“It sounds like OP is married to a selfish AH judging from her reactions to him asking her to stop. It’s like she was enjoying irritating him until he blew up at her.” – Chay_Charles
“It’s easy enough.”
“Husband: Can you order a medium?”
“Me: I’m going to steal some, so I’ll get you a large.”
“Which I think is a good way to deal with it; you acknowledge your fry-stealing habit and put it in as a solution.”
“This other situation is infuriating, though (Not that you said it was okay). Blatantly denying that you are going to eat them and then being a big dick about it. I also don’t think in this second scenario the husband should do the heavy lifting of buying larger ones to placate/allow for her bulls**t.”
“She should just go without completely. I’d shove the bag under the car seat or something.” – HappySunshineGoddess
Others agreed and wondered if there were bigger issues here than stealing fries.
“I went hungry for a while and I am straight-up food-possessive. It legitimately hurts my soul when someone takes food from me without consent.”
“The day my fiance was told that my glaring at him was NOT a joke whenever he took my food and that I’m usually willing to share if asked, but taking it upset me? He’s never taken food from me since. He always asks politely and lets me give him the portion I’m willing to lose.”
“There are many reasons I want to marry this man, but respecting my plate is definitely one of them.” – aterriblefriend0
“For me, it’s the blatant disrespect. You shouldn’t have to keep asking to the point of raising your voice with someone who respects you, and that’s always grounds to question the relationship.”
“Respect and trust are required foundations for love, or it crumbles. The situation where it’s tested is mostly irrelevant, it’s not about the fries at this point.” – Inevitable-tragedy
“It was never about the fries it was the fact that she didn’t listen to you or respected what you were asking for. Anyone would’ve been mad. NTA.”
“The wife didn’t give a s**t any of the many times you asked her to stop, and then she got upset when she pushed and pushed you with her incredibly disrespectful behavior until you blew up. And then she wants to make it your fault? NTA again.”
“Also, the minute anyone says they just want a few fries, it’s time to buy them their own. You can’t eat just a few. It’s a scientific fact.” – Aylauria
“I can get extra moody over food. This would be divorce territory for me.”
“I had an ex that did this when I was 18 with cheesy chips. I would offer to buy a separate portion and he could just eat ‘the good ones.’ He would say no, I really don’t want any… and then he’d steal the cheesiest biggest chip. By the third time, an extra portion was ordered every time.” – Vast-Video-7701
“I had an ex who did this, as well. One time I was visiting him in New Orleans (I lived in Wisconsin, and it was my first time ever in Louisiana) and I fell in love with the drinks and the food. Went balls to the wall on mint juleps, crawfish etouffee, and po’boys.”
“Every. Single. D**n. Time. we went out to a restaurant and I tried something I’ve always wanted to try, my ex would insist on ‘sampling’ it. The portions were big, and I didn’t mind sharing, but this f**ker would eat nearly all of my food and his as well.”
“We were on Bourbon Street and had ordered hurricanes from a bar, and we were walking around and window shopping. I saw a store I wanted to enter, but there was a sign saying no outside food or beverages.”
“I asked my ex if he would hold my hurricane while I went into the shop, and he smirked and said, ‘Sure, I’ll ‘hold’ it.’ I knew EXACTLY what he meant, and I got serious.”
“I said, ‘I’m asking you nicely. Please don’t drink my drink. You LIVE here, and you can get a hurricane any time you want. These aren’t exactly on a standard bar menu in northern Wisconsin.'”
“He got kind of p**sy and said, ‘FINE, if you’re going to hog your drink, then don’t f**king worry.’ I can’t stress this enough; he had his own drink as well.”
“I came out from the store in less than five minutes, and both of our drinks were gone. The f**ker chugged both of them while I was in the store.”
“At that point, I realized it wasn’t about food or drinks. I was dating a selfish a**hole who didn’t give a f**k about anyone but himself. This was confirmed a month later when I discovered he had been cheating on me, and sent his other woman away while I was visiting him in New Orleans.” – armywife81
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.
“Thanks for the opinions, everyone. I appreciate the feedback.”
“My wife is a wonderful person in most respects, and I’m pretty OK, too. It seems the thing is to always order extra fries, and to be kind to one another…”
“After we argued, she went to a friend’s house for the evening, came back the next day, and was in great spirits other than that she started her period. She doesn’t really want to talk about anything that was said when she was upset, as she didn’t mean it.”
“She’s always had associated bad cramps and moods before, but she’s now likely pre-menopausal, so it’s been a bit irregular and harder to predict for the past year or so. I hate to blame it on that, but it seems to be a big contributing factor.”
“So everything is fine, or at least back to normal for us. Thanks!”
Though the OP was certain that everything was fine and the issue had been dealt with, his fellow subReddit worried that this was a much bigger issue than stealing fries.
Because the wife had refused to listen to him and later put the blame on him, it’s easy to imagine how that same behavior could transfer to bigger issues, like money matters or cheating.