We all have certain possessions which hold such value to us, that we either never let them out of our sight, or always keep them under lock and key, to make sure nothing happens to them.
While these possessions might, indeed, have substantial financial value to them, it’s the sentimental value that keeps us glued to them.
As a result, when these things are lost or damaged, we might find ourselves getting unusually emotional.
Redditor SoloUnit2020 had been growing increasingly frustrated by their wife’s constantly misplacing something which had emotional significance to both of them.
When the original poster (OP)’s wife seemed to lose it for good, she felt there was a solution that would ease her sadness just the tiniest bit.
Unluckily for her, the OP was less than eager to do this for her.
Wondering if they were being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA).
“AITA for not replacing my wife’s wedding ring that she lost?”
The OP explained why they were hesitant to replace their wife’s wedding ring after she lost it.
“My wife had a tendency to leave her wedding ring in very strange places, on our second bathroom sink, the kitchen counter, a shelf next to the kitchen sink.”
“I told her multiple times that if she leaves the ring laying around in these more active areas, one of our young children could grab it, or it could get knocked off the counter.”
“Sure enough, eventually, she did lose it for good.”
“I helped her tear the house apart in hopes that we’d find it, but we had no luck.”
“I asked her when she lost it, and she said it was a couple of weeks ago.”
“I was completely dumbfounded, and her response was that she didn’t want to acknowledge that she lost it, so she put off looking for it.”
“She asked if she could get a replacement ring.”
“I told her no because I told her in the past to put her wedding ring up on the mantle or in her locked jewelry box so the kids couldn’t get it.”
“Then we also found one of the nice necklaces I bought her in the bathroom drain when we were searching for the ring.”
“I told her she obviously doesn’t value her jewelry, so at this point, I don’t see a necessity to spend money on items she’s not going to take care of.”
“AITA for not replacing this ring?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to replace their wife’s wedding ring.
Everyone agreed that the OP was correct in believing that their wife didn’t value their ring, or any of their jewelry, enough to get it replaced, with some suggesting that if they do decide to replace it, they should replace it with a less valuable ring.
“She lost her ring at, or around, the sink.”
“If you do choose to get another ring in the future, maybe invest in a removable, wide-brimmed steel mesh sink strainer.”
“It could help catch the ring before it goes down the drain.”
“This isn’t a perfect solution, but maybe it could help.”- KaraFromKrypton
“She didn’t even notice that necklace gone?”
“And it was weeks before she admitted she lost her ring?”
“I’m willing to bet she didn’t even realize she lost the ring for DAYS.”
“So irresponsible.”- laetum-helianthus
“She wants another ring?”
“Go get one of the rubbery ones that athletic people use, or some of the construction guys use.”
“They’re cheap and stand in place of the ring, and you can break or lose them without being out a ton of money.”
“This is on her.”
“She had something nice and didn’t take care of it.”- Lurkingentropy
“You did what you could in terms of trying to prevent the problem.”
“And you weren’t even brought into helping until it was too late after the ring was originally lost.”
“Having said that, why not replace what may have been a very expensive ring with a new ring that is less expensive?”
“Perhaps a CZ rather than a diamond, or gold-plated rather than solid gold?”
“I’m sure she feels bad, and wearing a symbol of her marriage may be important to her.”-BookOfGoodIdeas
“BUT those are very normal places to have to take off your ring.”
“Maybe she should have had a designated small dish or something to place them in, but clearly, she doesn’t care of her other jewelry either.”
“Sucks to suck!”- LusciousLouLou
“Losing a ring once is a bummer.”
“Losing multiple pieces of jewelry is a pattern.”
“It sounds like she’s taking it off to wash her hands?”
“Which is normal but that means you have to remember to put it back on.”
“However, you could simply get an inexpensive ring for everyday use.”- No-Locksmith-8590
“I have ADHD and can be careless/ lose things a lot, but I am super careful with my ring because it’s important to me.”
“Maybe you can compromise and buy a cheap ring?”- pspspsps04
“She lost it, and she might lose the new one at some point as well.”
“So why would you invest a lot of money into buying a new ring for her.”- HeadHunter1956
“My husband left his wedding ring on the table where our then 18-month-old could get it.”
“£500 palladium band with our initials and wedding date engraved.”
“Never found it.”
“Bought two silicone and one tungsten ring replacement. He lost them too.”
“I now keep his ‘nice occasions’ cheap silver ring in my jewelry box, and he has to give it back to me after the occasion.”
“No sympathy for people who leave precious things about when they have been warned it’ll go missing (we had occasions before where I found it down the sides of the sofa, in the bathroom, etc).”- knittingneedles321
“It’s heartbreaking losing something you care about, so I understand wanting a replacement.”
“I also understand they’re expensive, and not everyone has access to Scrooges Vault.”
“I have a $25 band because I’m pretty sure it’ll get lost.”
“That’s the compromise for people like me, who lose stuff.”
“It was my choice, so I could easily replace it.”- Grand-Corner1030
“Why spend a lot of money on something that isn’t going to be taken care of?”- C_Majuscula
“This isn’t a one-time incident; it’s a pattern.”
“Your wife lost her wedding ring and necklace, indicating she neglects her jewelry.”
“You even warned her to be careful, but she ignored your advice, so you are NTA for refusing to replace the ring.”
“Chances are she would lose the new ring, anyway.”- CavalloScuro
There were a select few, however, who felt that while the OP was justified in not wanting to replace their wife’s ring, they might have been a little hard on her for losing it.
“It sounds to me like you’re hurt by her lack of apparent care for the most tangible symbol of your love and marriage (other than, you know, the kids).”
“That’s a totally natural way to feel, but that feeling warrants a meaningful conversation, not the blanket refusal to purchase another ring.”
“I’m going with NAH.”
“Some people are just prone to losing things, no matter how much you remind them to take care, and you’re allowed to have your feelings about the loss of the ring.”
“Conversation is the way to go here, though.”- DianatheVeryInsane
“I guess you’ll have to decide how you want your relationship to roll.”
“There are a lot of options.”
“You could tell her you don’t want her to feel bad about losing something and would she like to wear something inexpensive every day?”
“Or you could tell her that her issues with losing things means she doesn’t deserve nice things, so she should buy it herself.”
“The way you talk to her about this is going to say a lot about how you value your relationship.”
“You could help install or choose some ring holders around your sinks.”
“There are so many ways you could respond.”
“I think you should take some time to think about what you really feel and what you want.”-Zealousideal_Bag2493
The OP later returned with an update, sharing that they came up with what they believed was a fair compromise and clarifying the situation a little bit more.
“I happened to find the same ring for a significantly less amount of money on eBay from what seems to be a trusted jeweler with over 5500 customer reviews and 99.7% positive feedback.”
“My plan is to give it to her after a couple of years when she demonstrates that she can take care of her stuff.”
“For everyone that said that the location wasn’t random because it’s where you wash your hands.”
“It was because she’s generally not doing dishes or washing her hands.”
“She takes it off when she gets home, and she only wears it out.”
“So the placement could have been in her locked jewelry box on her way to the shower.”
Losing your wedding ring is, indeed, a very frustrating thing to go through.
Perhaps why the OP’s wife was so determined to have it replaced is her desire to symbolize her love and commitment to the OP.
While the ring can be replaced, however, the significance behind the original can not.