It’s 2021, and body positivity is much more at the forefront of social thought than it used to be.
That being said, there are tough conversations many of us are afraid to have because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.
But the truth of the matter is, we come in all different sizes, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
But one Redditor, who has since deleted her account, found herself in a tough position when her friend didn’t fit into her dresses and ripped one while trying to make it work.
After hearing her friend’s reaction, the Original Poster (OP) thought she handled the situation poorly.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for getting mad at my bigger friend for ripping my dress, despite me telling her she wouldn’t fit?”
The OP’s friend made a request while looking at her clothes.
“There’s an event coming up (around the corner) and I (20 Female) have ordered a dress and already made any alterations so it fits me perfectly. I do so with all of my dresses.”
“Well, one of my childhood friends (20 female) wanted to see the dress, so she came by my place and I put it on (she’s going to said event too).”
“My friend began to look through my closet and saw my other dresses, and she asked if she could borrow one.”
The OP was worried about the dress fitting.
“I hesitated… because she and I have completely different sizes.”
“So I’m at 5’3 and weight 115lbs, usually size 4-5 with dresses. My friend is 5’0 and weighs around 230lbs, and I’m not so sure what size she wears… however, our body type is very different.”
“At that moment, I didn’t really know what to say, I always let my other friends borrow my clothes, since they’re closer in size to me.”
“I gently declined but let her know that many of my dresses are altered to fit me and won’t fit well in many areas, and some of them are sentimental to me (which is true since I received some of them from my mom and they’re very expensive).”
“So I suggested instead of her borrowing one, I’ll make some time, so we can go dress shopping together.”
A nice evening ended with broken boundaries.
“I put away my clothes and closed the closet door. We went to the living room and watched a movie together for that evening.”
“I left to go to the bathroom, and when I came out, she was not in the living room.”
“A bit suspicious, I went back to my room.”
“My friend, without my permission, was trying on one of my dresses.”
“I was upset. I told her to immediately take off the dress.”
“However, she insisted that it would fit. Mind you, my dress was already being stretched out by her legs. My friend pulled it up (it didn’t even go past her waist), and it ripped…”
“I was speechless and I was so p**sed that I knew if I opened my mouth then, I’d say some hurtful things to her.”
The OP had to say something.
“My friend said, ‘Oh, it’s because I have bigger tits and you don’t have any, so it didn’t fit.'”
“I lost it. I told her it had nothing to do with bust size, anyone with common sense would know that the two of us are two different sizes, that she wouldn’t fit into my clothing, and of course, it would rip!”
“My friend snapped at me, saying ‘I’m calling her fat.'”
“I didn’t say anything back, and she started to cry and left.”
“We haven’t talked to each other in a few days.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some listed everything the OP’s friend did wrong.
“She took your dress without permission, forced herself into it when it was stretching, ripped it, then body-shamed you for it not fitting her. On top of that, accused you of body-shaming her.” – AdvanceRough5810
“NTA. Your friend, however, major a**.”
“Not only did she disrespect you by ignoring you when you said no, but she also disrespected your privacy by going snooping around your room to get the dress whilst you were otherwise preoccupied, damaged your belongings, tried to insult you by saying you ‘have no breasts,’ and then tries to play the victim when you get mad about all the above?”
“I’d be calling off the friendship here.”
“No, just because you mentioned that she’s a different size than you didn’t mean you called her fat. The fact the dress ripped is proof enough she’s of a very different build to you.”
“She’s just using that to try and play the victim and will no doubt be telling others how you were mean and offended her. There’s a difference between ‘you’re fat’ and ‘our build is different.'” – HereAndBlank
“NTA. I had a lifelong (childhood to our late teens) friend that was built similar to your friend, and I’m very petite, but had giant boobs.”
“It was my friend’s logic that because my clothes fit my chest, they’d fit her torso that was large in other areas.”
“Except apparently, she was trying my clothes on when I wasn’t home (her parents were letting me stay with them after leaving a bad home life).”
“I kept wondering why my clothes were stretched and torn, and finally her boyfriend felt bad and told me what was happening. On top of using/trashing my cosmetics.”
“Apparently, it was her logic that because I was staying there she was entitled to my things, and ‘poor people don’t get to look better than me.'”
“I was devastated, confronted her, and got an outpouring of perceived slights and jealousy. I packed my s**t, and lived in my car for a month.”
“Your ‘friend’ is an entitled a** who crossed your boundaries and was looking not only for a reason to upset and insult you, but was probably trying to provoke a fight so she could further flip things around and make you look bad when she retells her version to people.”
“I wouldn’t even try to recoup the money, just cut your losses and keep your peace.” – StayCee35
“I’ve been bigger and I’ve been smaller and it can be easy to slip into denial about how many ‘few pounds’ you’ve put on. That said, I would never, ever request to borrow a friend’s clothes who wasn’t the same size as me.”
“If the clothes are too big they hang off you and look awful. I also wouldn’t like to cram myself into a smaller size, just to waddle around like tightly wrapped sausage meat.”
“Neither is a good look and I suspect friend was envious of your beautiful dresses and was simply desperate to at least try one on. Her behavior is still completely unacceptable though, so you’re NTA and have every right to ask for an apology.” – UsefulExperience423
Others agreed and specifically pointed out her body shaming.
“‘Friend’ was insulting first making that rude comment about OPs bra size. For some reason, there are people who think people of bigger sizes can make comments like that to smaller ones, but the other way around is offensive for some reason?” – Amegami
“When I was particularly petite (unhealthily so, tbh (to be honest)) my ‘friends’ or coworkers who were older and larger would frequently comment on my breast size.”
“‘You’ve got nothing there,’ ‘You look like a 14 yo boy,’ ‘You might be skinny but you don’t have any boobs.'”
“Now, I was a pretty self-conscious person and often thought I was fat. But LUCKILY, and weirdly, I was never sensitive about my breast size. So these comments didn’t really hurt me.”
“But I was more bothered about why they would say something like that to me. I was never unkind to them or anything and yet my weight and boob/ass size was consistently pointed out (especially in front of men).”
“My mom was obese so I was sensitive to people who were a bit bigger. I would never call out someone’s body like that.”
“But it’s a thing women do and it’s really unfortunate.” – Honest_Atmosphere_53
Some also pointed out how potentially deluded the friend might be.
“The friend was waiting/wanting this to be called out so she could blame OP for being phatphobic.”
“You don’t hear NO to something, keep going with the damage of the clothes and not expect/know this is coming.”
“She wanted to ruin your clothes and knows why they were ruined and got mad about it. Unacceptable.” – forceofslugyuk
“Saying two people (or even two things) are different sizes isn’t fat-shaming or whatever. I’ve been underweight. Now I’m fat.”
“And now my 9-year-old daughter (who is perfectly average for her height and is developing way earlier than I did) can wear the clothes I wore in my 20s.”
“Knowing that she can wear my old things doesn’t give me delusions that I can fit in her clothes. Even though some of her shirts and hoodies are really cool.” – ClothDiaperAddicts
“Bring another friend with you to serve as a witness. Include a bill for the dress she ruined. If your so-called friend still insists that you are calling her fat, stand next to her and ask the other friend for their feedback.”
“I’m all about body positivity, but a reality check is needed.”
“NTA.” – tacwombat
The subReddit understood why the OP was confused about what had happened, and though not everyone thought the OP should throw out the friendship entirely, all understood why she was hurt. From a potentially ruined dress to uncalled for body-shaming, these were hardly the behaviors of a lifelong friend.