Whether it’s valid or not, hyperfixating on people with blonde hair and blue eyes has been a common behavior among people of Western culture for a long time.
It’s not uncommon for families to fawn over babies with blue eyes more than babies with brown or green, as unkind as that might be, cringed the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor poponis had blue eyes, and her first child had brown eyes, while her second child appeared to have blue eyes, assuming the hue didn’t continue to change with age.
When her family not only focused their attention on the younger child because of their blue eyes, but they also made her older child question whether or not their eyes were beautiful, the Original Poster (OP) was eager to put a stop to their comments.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting for calling out my relatives for making my eight-month-old’s blue eyes a big deal in front of my brown-eyed six-year-old?”
The OP’s first child received special attention until their eyes changed color.
“I have blue eyes, and my husband has brown.”
“I never thought it was a big deal for my looks, as I have met people with blue eyes who are both attractive and unattractive. I was never attracted to a person because of the color of their eyes. Having said that, when my first baby was born, six and a half years ago, he had blue eyes.”
“For some reason, my family made a big deal of ot, like how lucky we are the baby got my eyes.”
“However, by the age of six months old, his eyes were gray, and when he turned one, his eyes had settled to brown.”
Neither my husband nor I had any preference for the baby’s eye color, and we did not even notice it as the baby’s eyes changed color. So, no disappointment on our side.”
“My family, though, expressed their disappointment by saying that it was a pity.”
The OP’s second baby received the same attention while their eyes were blue.
“Eight months ago, I gave birth to our second son.”
“My mother, who lives five hours away, was here when I gave birth, and she expressed her joy when she saw that the baby’s eyes are blue and similar to mine, so hopefully they will remain blue.”
“She said this in front of my six-year-old.”
“I told her that it literally does not matter what color his eyes will be, as all colors are beautiful.”
The OP’s family continued to push the issue.
“She still does not get it. When I visited her several months ago with my older son, she asked in front of him whether his sibling’s eyes were turning gray or brown.”
“My other relatives, for some reason, got curious about his eyes, too, still in front of my six-year-old with the brown eyes, telling me how both my brother’s kids have blue eyes and only my six-year-old in my family has brown.”
“Many times, we have video-called with my mother, and she’s asked about the baby’s eyes, often with my six-year-old present.”
“He has not expressed his disappointment, exactly, but he has asked questions, like why does the baby have blue eyes and I don’t, and whether or not brown eyes are beautiful.”
The OP shared her concerns with her mother.
“Last week, I was video-calling with my mother. She asked for the baby’s eyes, again, in front of my six-year-old.”
“I kind of snapped, asking her to stop talking about the eye color and forget about it once and for all, because all types of eyes are nice, and it is not important to mention ever again.”
“She got insulted and angry, so she’s barely talked to me since then.”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some Redditors were weirded out by the family’s fixation on eye color.
“This is soooo weird.”
“I’m sat here, like, why does OP’s mom not stop going on about it? It’s an eye colour.”
“Also, babies’ eyes change color a lot during their first year.”
“The fact it’s making their six-year-old question their eye color is wild, because why does it matter?” – xPizzatasticx
“NOR!! Is she reading ‘Hooked on Eugenics’?! If you didn’t say ‘mother,’ I would think the person’s name was Adolf…”
“OP, you are very right. Eye color doesn’t deem you unworthy or any less beautiful, adding that beauty is always subjective.”
“A kid should definitely not feel bad or unworthy just because they have brown eyes. I have seen unattractive people with blue eyes and stunning ones with brown eyes. That doesn’t mean anything.”
“NOR. She has a very weird obsession.” – aquietmemory
“You’re not overreacting at all. Your mom might ‘mean well,’ but she’s literally teaching your older kid that blue eyes are special and his are the consolation prize, and that crap sticks. You set a totally reasonable boundary, and she chose her weird eye color obsession over your kid’s feelings, and that’s on her.” – EmotionalMeet8414
“NOR. I am one of these blue-eyed people. People across my school years, dating, and even in professional workplace settings among coworkers: ‘Your eyes are blue!’ You’d think I was Jesus walking on water with how absolutely amazed people can be.”
“And to be honest, my eyes, while blue, are not even among those brilliant ‘almost rivals a gemstone’ kind of eyes, either.”
“I’m the only grandkid with blue eyes, too. So you can imagine standing there with my cousins (three of them, all brown eyes) and having all the adults in the room coo at me, EVEN NOW THAT I’M 30, ‘You have such beautiful blue eyes.'”
“Not only is there more to my entire being than the colour of my eyes, but what about my poor cousins?! Their eyes are deep, rich brown, and when the sun hits just right, there are little flecks of red and gold, too. I think they’re just as beautiful as my own, just literally a different color.”
“Sending you a big internet hug, from another blue eye haver that really does not understand the hype, but completely understands how this can really shred feelings of everyone else with brown eyes.” – Mildly-Distracted
“NOR. I think you handled it well enough, considering. Maybe follow up with a discussion and explain you’ve noticed how she’s pulled back ever since you snapped.”
“Explain further why it’s bothering you (constantly brought up and how it’s not fair to your other child). If she keeps being distant and playing the victim, just carry on with life as you should.”
“She’s an adult having a toddler tantrum. Let her be with it.” – MamaPeaButter
Others were concerned about the message this was sending to the OP’s six-year-old.
“NOR. My six-year-old asked recently, ‘Why does nobody think I have beautiful hair?'”
“They are listening, and it’s so sad. They have a whole life in front of them with insecurities, and it shouldn’t come so early.”
“She has very fine, thin, mousy brown hair prone to breakage.”
“Her little sister has thick, long, blonde ringlets, which is unlike either my hair or my husband’s, and she gets a lot of attention when we are out in public and from extended family members.”
“Both my girls are very beautiful but very different looking from each other, and I have asked family to stop commenting on their differences. It’s not fair to compare them.”
“I’m completely feel for you and your six-year-old, OP. Thank you for standing up for them.” – Ok-Coyote-8540
“Ugh, OP, I feel for you, and I’m dreading this so much.”
“My MIL makes such a big deal that their daughters are blondes, except none of them are naturally blonde in adulthood (minus my wife), and they all just dye their hair.”
“I don’t want my children to internalize anything about how much more beautiful blonde hair is (which I disagree with, but that’s the message that’s sent) because there’s a good chance they won’t have blonde hair/they’re born with blonde hair, but it darkens as they get older.”
“I’m currently pregnant with my first baby and kind of grateful that it’s a boy, so hopefully they don’t make such a big deal about it, although they comment on my nephew’s blonde hair all the time.”
“When the time comes, I’ll be ready to shut that s**t down and stand up for my child, but it sucks that that is the most I can do, while the family could make the whole situation better by simply shutting up.” – Hotsummers15
“NOR. There’s a subReddit for eye color, and its 99% people with brown eyes, begging for someone to tell them that their eyes are Amber or Hazel or Green, anything but brown, because every single one of them has been taught that brown eyes are boring and unattractive. It’s really sad.” – jackandsally060608
“My dad has blue eyes, my Mom has hazel eyes, my brother has blue eyes, and mine are plain brown. No one ever made comments about eye color other than factual statements, thankfully, but I do kind of wish mine were interesting in some way.”
“Hearing how some people comment on their eye color, I’m grateful this isn’t a big problem for me. I hope it won’t be for OP’s child(ren), either.” – frozenintrovert
“I have blue eyes. My husband has brown eyes. My children: Brown Eyes.”
“My oldest has soft brown, like young trees in the woods. They brighten when he’s happy and darken when he’s sad. When he was little, they reminded me of good-quality chocolate milk.”
“My youngest has deep, dark brown eyes. The kind that resembles a quality roast of coffee. Her eyes are also very clear and sharp. Her eyes never brighten but are a single solid color.”
“Both my kids have heard me singing the song Brown Eyed Girl. Never have they heard me say their eyes were anything but something from their dad (whose eyes are a third shade of brown).”
“Brown isn’t ‘just’ brown. Teach your child about the different hues, and let them pick something in the world that their particular shade reminds them of. They can shut anyone’s questions or comments down with, ‘What, you don’t think trees are beautiful?’ It really helps. NOR, OP.” – Ritoruikko
The subReddit shared the OP’s mix of confusion over her family’s hyperfixation, as well as concern for the message and hurt that this fixation was stirring in her older child.
All eye colors are beautiful, and one shouldn’t be deemed more important among the rest just because it’s a rarer find. There’s a beautiful range of shades, hues, and shapes to every eye and color, and that really should be what’s celebrated, not having blue over brown or green.