Childcare is something most parents have to deal with at some point, even in two parent households where one parent stays home full-time.
When a parent is alone, it becomes almost inevitable.
A mother who came into conflict with her babysitter turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Interesting_Shift885 asked:
“AITA for firing my babysitter?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I’m a single mom to 3 girls, (Sophie (2), Addie (4), and Evie (8). Their dad was in the military and passed when I was pregnant with Sophie.”
“I just got a new job that mostly aligns with the kids school/daycare schedule, but I work late on Wednesday nights.”
“A friend of mine is going through a divorce and her ex-husband is being difficult about child support, so I asked her to babysit on Wednesday nights. In my opinion, the job is pretty simple.”
“She gets there at 6, dinner is at 6:30 (always mac and cheese—I make the sauce before she gets there, so she just has to boil the pasta and add the sauce), after dinner they get to play until 7-7:15, they each get a melatonin gummy, they watch Bluey until 7:30-7:45, then everyone uses the bathroom, brushes their teeth, and goes to bed.”
“All of the girls share a room, their pajamas and comfort items are laid out for them, and I have a stack of books out for bedtime stories. Everyone gets tucked in then sitter reads 3-4 stories until everyone’s asleep.”
“Evie occasionally has a hard time falling asleep, so I told the sitter if she’s not asleep by the 4th story sitting on her bed and rubbing her back tends to get her to sleep within a few minutes. Sitter turns off the lights, turns on the night light and sound machine, and gets to hang out on the couch until I get home.”
“I have all 3 girls sharing a room for a reason. Evie has anxiety and is scared to sleep alone. My younger two feel safer when their big sister is sleeping next to them.”
“Putting the three of them together is the best way to get everyone to sleep. She knows she can get her own room whenever she wants, but it’s not something I will force on her.”
“Last Wednesday, I guess Evie wasn’t sleeping and kept insisting on more stories. My friend told her to lay down quietly or sleep in the guest room and Evie started to cry. My friend picked her up, put her in the guest room, and stayed in front of the door to the girls room to prevent her from going back to bed.”
“When I got home close to midnight Evie was still awake and was crying her eyes out. I didn’t find out what happened until the next morning. When my friend confirmed what happened and called it discipline, I told her she wasn’t getting paid for that night and would no longer be taking care of my kids.”
“Now she’s saying I’m overreacting and my kids are spoiled and have behavior problems. I have mutual friends saying I’m screwing her over over a temper tantrum and saying the money I pay her is her entire grocery budget.”
“Now I’m wondering if not paying her for Wednesday and firing her was an overreaction.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I might be the a**hole because I fired my friend over one incident and didn’t pay her for the night she had worked, even though the money she gets from this babysitting job is her entire grocery budget.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided everyone sucked, except the children.
“As the employer, you can fire whoever you want for any reason you want or no reason at all.”
“But you can’t steal someone’s labor because you decided you didn’t like how they did the job after it was done, which is what you did by not paying your friend.”
“You need to pay her for the work she did.” ~ MohawMais
“ESH. You established a bedtime protocol that works for you and your girls, and you asked the babysitter to follow it. She deviated from it and is unapologetic about it, so any reasonable person would fire her.”
“That having been said, you should pay her for the hours that she worked.” ~ SomeoneYouDontKnow70
“I agree, ESH. Once the babysitter gets paid, end contact and let that be the end of it.” ~ ThanosSnapsSlimJims
“There’s such a thing in contract law called substantial performance in which the performer of the work is entitled to the agreed upon compensation. That compensation could be partial, could be full, depends on circumstances.”
“OP and sitter established a verbal contract, sitter mostly delivered.”
Those concepts might just be contract law—obviously not pertinent because OP is unlikely to go to court over this—but they’re sensibly based on ethical codes. OP was right to tell the sitter to f*ck off, but they still owe the sitter promised pay.”
“Withholding some based on the context would make sense, though.” ~ Drakoala
“ESH. What possible good is punishing—’not-paying’—the sitter going to do? The sitter thinks she was right.”
“You don’t have moral authority over an adult woman’s decision on how to put a kid to bed. You don’t agree with it (neither do I), but you weren’t there.”
“Let the sitter have her grocery money. OP is understandably upset, but adults accept situations you just walk away from.” ~ j_accuse
“ESH. OK… I’m going to start with parenting is hard. Bloody hard. And everyone is an ‘expert’ and ready to criticize. Add on top single parenting in tragic circumstances? Give yourself a serious pat on the back. You are doing great and everything you can to be a great parent.”
“Here comes the but… This bedtime routine has serious red flags, in my humble opinion, and you are not helping your girls long term. I’m the parent of two girls—one with high anxiety and went through a hellish bedtime phase, amongst other challenges, so I do get it.”
“We tried everything and ultimately had to balance tough love with a healthier wind-down routine. That worked for ours, but every kid is different. She is now 19, and in university studying youth psychology to help kids like her.”
“I’d be seeking professional help with this young lady… for both of your sakes.”
“Now, back to the babysitter. Yes, she made some ‘interesting choices’ and you have every right to fire her, but you absolutely need to pay her for the time she was there.”
“Maybe a kinder option could’ve been giving her one more chance now she knows the situation… maybe not… but if it were me and I’d have heard your bedtime routine demands, I honestly wouldn’t have taken the job in the first place.” ~ Mousegbr
Some took issue with the OP’s choice to use what is effectively a sleep drug on her children every night.
“YTA for giving your kids melatonin and then letting them watch TV afterward.” ~ Maximum-Check-6564
“I want to add, melatonin gummies lose their effectiveness if given for long periods of time. You shouldn’t use them for more than 30 days at a time. Using them too long can have massive effects on your sleep, especially for children.”
“There are possible adverse effects on reproductive health and puberty onset. Melatonin levels are naturally high in childhood and naturally decline at puberty onset.”
“If you were taking melatonin during puberty, this could have delayed its onset and normal reproductive development. Additionally, melatonin is not regulated by the FDA and the quality measures are not being performed.”
“I only know this because I spoke with my son’s pediatrician. My son is now three, but he started using melatonin when he was two. We were given the AOK to use melatonin, but our pediatrician was very straightforward about the drawbacks and consequences of melatonin.”
“Another thing that most people don’t know is that kids brains are only developed to 90% by the time they’re five. Giving them medicine or drugs that can inhibit or impact the natural rhythm of their brains, should not happen.”
“Unless a child has been specifically prescribed medication, you should not be giving it to them. There’s a reason why people say little kids brains are like sponges, because they’re taking in everything at this age.” ~ camebacklate
“This stood out to me. I had to stop taking melatonin because it seemed to not only stop working but it started to do the opposite after a while.”
“I was kind of shocked to hear OP giving such young kids one every single night.” ~ Ayeayegee
“Melatonin is not as harmless as many think. It is a hormone. The EU has it regulated for a reason and it’s not available over the counter in most countries there. I am shocked that a hormone is being given to children 2-8 years old by their own parent on a nightly basis.” ~ Marinastar_
“Melatonin is regulated as a prescription medicine in other countries, like the UK. I only found out the side effects and contraindictions by going to the NIH website.”
“Turns out increasing the dose is bad, and people with certain autoimmune conditions (including one I have) should NEVER take it, which was why I was getting night sweats and nightmares.”
“It’s a hormone so it takes months to fully clear your system when you stop it. Evil stuff. ESH.” ~ shelwood46
The OP probably hoped for validation, but got something to (hopefully) think about instead.