Any parent who had ever needed to hire one can confirm that a good babysitter is hard to find and should be treasured and treated well once they're found.
But babysitters unfortunately can also tell you that good clients can be just as hard to find at times, cringed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
When they were already two hours late and not responding to text messages, Redditor RepresentativeRow608 invented a small lie to encourage their clients to return home for the night.
When they accused the babysitter of being unprofessional, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if they went too far by lying.
They asked the sub:
"AITA for lying to the people who I was babysitting for to get them to come home?"
The OP agreed to a babysitting job during the previous weekend.
"I am 15 years old and I babysit to make money. I took a first aid course and a babysitting course."
"Last weekend, one of my little sister's classmate's parents had a wedding to go to and asked if I would babysit."
"I asked how late they would need me and if I should pack an overnight bag if they were going to be staying out all night."
"They said that they would be home by midnight."
"So I checked with my dad if that was okay because he is my ride. He doesn't want me alone in a car with adults that he does not know."
But the parents did not return when they said they would.
"So my dad was there to pick me up at 11:50. The kids were all asleep and I was watching tv."
"I had texted them at 11:00 to double-check that they would be on time. The mom texted me back, 'yes.'"
"12:30, and they still aren't there. I texted again. No answer."
"I called my dad and he was p**sed. Not at me."
"One o'clock, I called them. No answer. My dad went and got a coffee at home and came back. He is all calm. Not good. He is ready to blow."
"I texted every 15 minutes. No response."
When they continued to not respond, the OP tried something else.
"2:20 AM, and I had an idea. I texted them that someone tried to break into their garage but that the alarm scared them away."
"They were home drunk in an Uber in 15 minutes."
"My dad made them pay me for my extra time before we left."
"He told me that I'm not allowed to babysit for them again unless I charged them for an overnight stay."
"Yesterday at school, I saw the mom when I was picking up my sisters after school."
"She gave me s**t for scaring her and her husband. She said that they had checked their security cameras and no one tried to break in."
"I said, 'Sorry, the alarm went off, so I called you.'"
"She called me a liar, which is fair, but I don't feel bad about what I did. They lied to me first."
The OP had mixed feelings after that.
"My mom says I should have just sucked it up but my dad says that they broke our deal."
"I kind of feel bad for tricking them into coming home from their party. But they could have told me it was an overnight arrangement or texted me that they were going to be late."
"My dad has brought me an overnight bag before when that has happened."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP had done everything they needed to do as a babysitter.
"Why would you have a next time babysitting for them?"
"They lied, jerked you around, came home drunk (most likely would have stiffed you for the extra time if your dad hadn't been there), and then were rude and aggressive the next time you saw them."
"You texted them an hour before they were to be home and they assured you they'd be on time. You had a ride there waiting for you. They wasted your time and your dad's time and odds are they'd of wasted both of your entire nights if you didn't call with the emergency you had (and I doubt they'd of paid what all they owed without prodding from dad)."
"Plenty of people need help with childcare. I'm sure you can find plenty of other people to set for who will respect your time and your boundaries."
"NTA." - acegirl1985
"Since they told the 15-year-old not to pack a bag, they were putting a kid in a really awful situation too. She's expecting to go home, her dad is there waiting. She's not going to go to sleep. She's going to stay up way too late for a kid her age."
"If I were her, I would have called their emergency contacts or the police after 30 minutes assuming they had been in an accident or something." - distrustfuldiscovery
"OP, don't ever babysit for these people again. They left a 15-year-old in charge of their kids until after 2 AM, took advantage of you, and they did it on purpose. The fact they ignored your texts but then immediately came home when you said there was a break-in proves they were deliberately ignoring you."
"You're NTA but you will be (to yourself) if you ever give them another chance. Especially considering they are not even remorseful for their actions and are instead angry about the measures you took to make them come home to their children." - WingedShadow83
"They clearly knew your parents were picking you up, so they had two people waiting on them. I would've paid you 3x your fee, made your family dinner, and brought it to your house the next day with more apologies. Then she doubles down with her rude comments!!!"
"UGH!! These people suck... Did you tell your parents about her giving you shit at school? Hopefully, they never ask you to babysit again!"
"30 min, 40 min late, would be annoying but once it went over 60 min with no contact... they are mega AH. If I was your Mom, I'd be on the phone with every parent I know to share this story. Don't let your kids babysit for these idiots." - Alarming_Reply_6286
"When I was your age, I babysat too. I had one family that did the same to me as well."
"Because I had another family that was chronically by 30 minutes every time, I has a 'late fee' set up. It was a dollar for EVERY minute late instead of the normal 12 dollars an hour. (Strangely that family was NEVER late after that change...)"
"Also, my parents (my mom is a lawyer so...) had every family sign a contract before I could work for them that had the rate of pay and late fee spelled out."
"IF you ever babysit for them again (I recommend you not) I suggest you do the same." - KSknitter
Others also thought the OP had been right to lie and get the parents home.
"They would have stayed out all night leaving a teenager to take care of their children if OP hadn't lied to make them come home. They're more concerned about their property than their children or the person they left to care for them. NTA." - nololthx
"They got lucky you didn't call the police. And to be fair, you tried to get their attention more than enough times… AFTER CONFIRMING AN HOUR BEFORE THE AGREED TIME!!! If I was your dad, I would have made them pay you for an overnight stay just for being 2 hours late with no notice." - ArlTheCrazy
"'My mom wanted me to call the police to see if they had been in an accident. But I thought that if they were still at the wedding that would cause a scene.'"
"Not to be rude, but tell me you're white without saying you're white."
"The babysitter knew what was up. She knew they weren't in an emergency. If they hadn't responded to her text (white lie) about the garage, then she might have had reason to believe there was a real problem."
"OP is NTA. What she did was pretty reasonable, and also shows that the parents were more concerned about the property than their children." - redfreebluehope
"You handled this pretty darn well overall. I will say from your description of events that I am glad your dad was handling the situation with you."
"No disrespect to your mom, but she strikes me more as the 'don't rock the boat' type, and that's not really a healthy attitude to have. Standing up for yourself, without being ridiculous about it, is the way to be. That means you will invariably encounter people, who are used to trouncing boundaries, getting mad at you, and blaming you for their decisions, but that is infinitely better than perpetually avoiding any and all conflict and ending up being the one losing time and time again."
"Set clear boundaries in life, keep in mind those boundaries will soften and harden over time, but feel no shame in enforcing them, nor in letting the people who don't respect them fall to the wayside." - DilbertedOttawa
"I don't know what the situation is like in your town, but in my town, reliable babysitters are hard to find. Bad behavior by the parents means you are out of luck the next time you need a sitter. The lack of apology would be unheard of here. I mean, it IS Canada, but still."
"Blow this story up among your friends and hopefully your parents will talk among the other parents of older kids, I think these people will have a hard time securing childcare in the future. I hope they had a great time at that wedding, in my area it would be the last wedding they were able to attend until their kids could stay home alone." - CarelessProcedure
The subReddit was proud of the OP for how they stood up for themselves, especially given the late night hour and the fact that the parents were intentionally not responding to their messages.
While their solution involved a small lie, it was probably for the best, so everyone could return safely home, and the OP could exit the relationship with a negative client once and for all.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp