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Guy Devastated After Finding Out His Best Friend Has Been Secretly Dating His Ex For Months

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A 23-year-old man found out his also 23-year-old best friend was closer to his 24-year-old ex-girlfriend than he thought.

Unsure what to do, he turned to the Relationship Advice subReddit for help.

Redditor ThrowRA8653568 posted:

“Just found out my best friend (23M) has been secretly dating my ex (24F) for months.”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“Cassie and I were together for 5 years. We started dating in high school and stayed together through college, moved in together after graduation. I’ve been in love with her since before our first date.”

“She’s amazing. I still think so.”

“We were talking about marriage and starting a family soon. Then one day a few months ago Cassie wanted to ‘talk,’ sat me down, and said she decided she doesn’t want kids.”

“She didn’t just mean not now, but not ever. She talked a lot about overpopulation or climate change or whatever but I was just immediately depressed.”

“I’ve always wanted to be a dad. My dad was a piece of sh*t and this is something I’ve wanted to do ever since I was still a kid myself.”

“When she finished talking I told her it was over. She started crying and I was already crying, but f’k.”

“If she doesn’t want the same thing I do from the future what else can I do?”

“She said she’s been thinking this way for years and corona was the last straw. I’m not going to wait around and hope she changes her mind when she might not.”

“So I moved out and moved in with my best friend ‘Ryan’. We’ve been friends forever, like we bonded over Pokemon cards at the playground kind of thing.”

“He’s basically my brother and his mom was my extra mom since I didn’t have much at home growing up.”

“I was in a hurry to move out so I didn’t take much stuff with me, and then I didn’t want to go back to the apartment and see Cassie, so Ryan was doing the good friend thing and going to get stuff for me whenever I needed it.”

“At least that’s what I thought he was doing.”

“Yesterday would have been me and Cassie’s 6th anniversary and it was really rough for me, so I told Ryan I didn’t want to be alone and wanted to hang out and game all day with him. He agreed and everything, but he was kind of distracted on his phone a lot, and after a couple hours he said ‘something came up’ and just left me there alone.”

Sh*t got dark. I’m not ashamed to say I cried. There were reasons I didn’t want to be alone that day.”

“Almost midnight last night, Ryan finally came home and was acting weird so I asked what was up. I thought maybe his mom was sick or something, she’s a teacher at a school that just reopened.”

“But no, Ryan sits me down and tells me he’s moving out. He’s been secretly dating Cassie since a few weeks after we split.”

“He says they’re in love already and that she needs him more than I do, so he’s moving into the apartment with her and leaving me here alone to rot. I don’t even know how the f’k to process this.”

“I don’t know which one of them has broken me more. To make things worse I messaged some of our other friends this morning to tell them what’s up and they already knew.”

“When I got upset they all said it was ‘no big deal’ because I’m the one who broke up with Cassie.”

“Where do I even go from here?”

“I can’t talk to my friends, my ex broke my heart, my best friend stomped on it, and the closest thing I have to family is gone because they were his family too. I’m lost and don’t know where else to turn.”

While most Redditors piled on the “they don’t deserve you anyway” bandwagon,  some offered actual advice.

“My cousin dated my ex, then soonafter my best friend dated her. The way the two of them handled it was very different.”

“My cousin and her dated secretly for months until I found out. I was furious that they were keeping it a secret, and a bunch of my friends were in on it. I literally had no where to turn because everyone in our friend group and a lot of family knew.”

“With my best friend, he told me BEFORE they even started dating, that he was into her and wanted to see where things would go. He attempted to ask me permission to which I responded ‘You’re both adults and you don’t need my permission—I love you both. And I hope it works out for the best’.”

“He asked me why I was so chill about it and why I lost my shit when my cousin dated her, and I told him it was because of the dishonesty.”

“The two of them have been together much longer than her and I were at this point, and they’re probably going to get married. They’re a very good fit.”

“All this to say, you and Cassie broke up for a reason—remind yourself of that, and don’t allow yourself to be jealous of Cassie and Ryan.”

“Have a conversation with Ryan and Cassie about honesty, though. The sneaking around/disonesty thing is why you should be upset, not the fact that they’re dating.” ~ TheProdigalMaverick

Some offered tough love by reminding OP he chose to dump Cassie.

“There’s a phrase, ‘the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else’. For some, that’s how they choose to move on.”

“Once OP broke up with Cassie, she was free to do whatever, and whoever, she wants. She doesn’t owe OP anything, least of all how her behavior should be dictated.”

“Op may not like it but that’s how sh*t goes sometimes. I mean, if I was dumped after a [long term relationship] and a few weeks later found someone I was attracted to was coming up to me, I might have a rebound relationship too.”

“Besides, this relationship might have been nearing its expiration date anyway. Some people don’t realize how much they need a relationship to be over until it ends.”

“Like [people] talk about reversing roles. If you were dumped, do you think your ex’s feelings should enter into who you should be with next? I should hope not.” ~ Fey_fox

“I don’t understand, why is Cassie portrayed as bad if she was just honest about not wanting kids and started going out with the friend after op broke up with her??” ~ chiangceci_

“Did you pee on her?”

“Because if you didn’t, as soon as you told her it was over, it was over and it’s none of your business who she dates.”

“There is no girl-code or bro-code nonsense. If you tell your partner your relationship is over, they’re free to do whatever they want, including dating your best friend. If you weren’t ready to give her up, you shouldn’t have called an end to your relationship.” ~ LakotaGrl

The OP returned with an update:

“Bigger sh*t to worry about than my broken heart I guess. Ryan texted me. I’m about to be homeless in a pandemic.”

The OP provided no further updates.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metis Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. She considers herself another proud Maineiac.
Member of NAJA.