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Groom Balks After His Bisexual Fiancée Asks For A Female Stripper At Her Bachelorette Party

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Weddings are full of traditions, including the rings and the cake and the flowing bridal gown. But there are the “fun” traditions, as well, like the bachelor and bachelorette parties and their possible forms of entertainment.

But people are often thrown off when these traditions appear to be… skewed, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor aitawomanstripper, who identifies as bisexual, decided she preferred having a female stripper at her bachelorette party to a male one.

When she was criticized for this, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was wrong.

She asked the sub:

“AITA for wanting a female stripper at my bachelorette party?”

The OP was recently wedding planning with her fiancé.

“My (22 [female]) fiancé (24 [male]) are getting married soon. We’ve recently been planning our bachelor and bachelorette parties with our friends, and the discussion of strippers came up.”

“He wanted one, so I said no problem. He then jokingly asked if I wanted one too, and I actually agreed, I did in fact want one.”

“He had no problem with that until I said that I’d also want a female stripper like him, rather than the male one he assumed I wanted.”

The OP’s future husband didn’t like this plan. 

“That’s when the argument started. I’m bisexual, which my fiancé has known about pretty much since we met, and it’s never been an issue before.”

“I’ve been with women and men before, and I just personally would prefer a woman over a man. I told him if he could have a female stripper then so could I.”

“He said it would be different, but wouldn’t explain me to how, just insisted that it wasn’t right for me to have one.”

The OP’s friends had mixed feelings, as well. 

“I’ve talked to a couple of our friends about this and they’re divided.”

“Some on my side saying it doesn’t matter the gender of the stripper when I’m attracted to them both, the others saying the same as my fiancé that it’s different.”

“One of my friends said that if I had a woman, that would basically be saying I’d rather be with a woman than him, which I honestly just find stupid.”

“So Reddit, AITA for wanting a female stripper?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some said the OP’s future husband sounded insecure. 

“‘He said it would be different, but wouldn’t explain me to how, just insisted that it wasn’t right for me to have one.’ HAHAHAHA. I’m sorry, that’s hilarious.”

“NTA. And you’re right about finding what your friend said stupid. There’s literally no difference between him getting a female stripper and you getting one. The only thing that’s obvious here is that your fiancé is a bit insecure about you leaving him for a woman down the road.”SamirSalmon

“His responses reek of biphobia and, despite what OP thinks, him having a gay friend does not mean he isn’t biphobic.”

“Plenty of men are perfectly fine with having a bisexual girlfriend but only because they either a) believe that she’s “chosen a side” by dating a guy and therefore he doesn’t have to worry about her leaving him for a woman, or b) sees her bisexuality as a cool add-on feature for him, and for him only, to use down the road, like for a threesome.”thistleandpeony

“Dear lord, your fiance is full of double standards. NTA but seriously, arguing over something like this right before the wedding should give ya some red flags.”Crazyhowthatworks304

Others said there was nothing wrong with wanting a female stripper.

“The Bachelorette is for the bride-to-be and if she were a lesbian nobody would expect her to have a male stripper just to entertain her straight friends.”

“I’m a heterosexual woman and I’d actually prefer a female stripper. I find male strippers intimidating. The fact that you like men in a relationship doesn’t mean you still wouldn’t enjoy a female stripper…”Laurelinn

“A male stripper experience is so different from a female stripper experience. I am 90% attracted to men and yet male strippers pretty much make me laugh nervously and wish I was somewhere else. The sexual tone of them is different I guess?”

“It’s not about which gender you are more attracted to the most – it’s about having fun and enjoying yourself, and if you would have more fun with the ‘tone’ of a female stripper, you do you.”Music_withRocks_In

“I’m mostly attracted to men, but I would 100% prefer a female stripper to a male. I mean, ideally, I’d prefer no stripper at all (I’m demisexual so they don’t do anything for me other than acute secondhand embarrassment), but if I had to choose, a female stripper would be much less uncomfortable for me than a male one.”Raise-the-Gates

After receiving comments, the OP posted an update. 

“After reading a lot of the comments, I realize mine and my fiancé’s issues run a lot deeper than the gender of a stripper, and so I’m going to talk to him about it properly when he comes home.”

“When we first dated we talked a lot about my sexuality and what that would mean for us in the relationship, but recently it hasn’t been a topic for conversation. For me, it obviously affects my life, but I think for him it had become a ‘don’t talk about it, don’t think about it’ thing, which it really shouldn’t have become.”

“I will discuss any insecurities he may have about our relationship and see about trying to fix them.”

“He is most definitely not homophobic, really. I think this just took him by surprise because we don’t talk about it often. His best friend and best man is gay, and the one who introduced us. He has never seemed to have an issue with my bisexuality, or anyone else’s sexuality before this, which is why I wanted to know if there was maybe something I wasn’t seeing.”

“Those worried about how the other guests will feel/how many friends I have who are queer. I have many queer friends, a lot of whom will be at said bachelorette party, they would have no issue with a female stripper. The same with my straight friends, they would have no issue.”

“The friends who have the issue with it are the mutual friends my fiancé and I share, and some of his.”

“The people suggesting we both have two strippers honestly might be on to something.”

The OP was confused after seeing her future husband’s reaction to her bachelorette party plans, and the subReddit thought rightfully so. Wanting a female stripper says nothing about her attraction or commitment to her husband, only a preference for one fun evening she had planned.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit