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Bride Called ‘Ableist’ For Disinviting Friend From Wedding Because He Recently Lost His Arm

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A wedding is intended to be about one thing, and one thing only… the bride.

Well the couple marrying, but seriously… the bride.

It’s the day many of life’s dreams come true.

So it can get messy when that day may have an interruption.

Case in point…

Redditor JoshTheMob wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for ‘uninviting’ my friend to my wedding after he lost his arm in an accident?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“Me (32 M[ale]) and my future wife Alice (25 F[emale) have been dating for 5 years.”

“We have a mutual friend, his name is Ezra (30 M).”

“A few months ago, Ezra had an accident, he was hit by a drunk driver, he survived but he sadly lost most of his arm.”

“Luckily, he had a great recovery and he’s doing better now.”

“Now, okay, let me say this.”

“After a long conversation, Alice told me she thought that if Ezra went to our wedding after his recovery, he would take away our spotlight, and that our friends would be too focused on him.”

“She thought that because our wedding would’ve been the first time all together, physically, after what happened to him.”

“And let me tell you, everybody loves Ezra.”

‘”He’s one of those insanely charming guys and he’s honestly a great person, and I do love him.”

“I told Alice she was being silly and that’d still be our day.”

“But that I did feel that maybe it was too much pressure for Ezra, for that very same reason, there would be too much attention on him.”

“I talked to Ezra the next day, and I asked him if he was comfortable about going to the wedding, and told him about Alice’s concerns too.”

“To be fair. Ezra said ‘no problem man, it’s your day’ and I thought that was the end of it.”

“However, now my friend’s group chat is burning cause everyone thinks I uninvited Ezra cause my wife hates him and she’s an ableist and a terrible person or whatever.”

“Like I said, there were more factors than that and she’s not an ableist.”

“She’s under a lot of pressure because the wedding is very close and I am too.”

“Are we a**holes? AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“YTA, the correct response to your wife would have been ‘Holy crap, what the f**k is wrong with you?'”

“‘I am going to never ever repeat that because it might be the most selfish and callous thing I‘ve ever heard.'” ~ InThreeWordsTheySaid

“The correct response would be “weddings off babes, Ezra and I are going on a trip with all the money I would have wasted on you. He needs a little cheering up.'” ~ graygoosegg

“I am having a hard time thinking about a social situation.”

“In the real world, in which a person with the motivation ‘Someone will steal my spotlight’ – does something reasonable, good and/or justified.”

“OP mentions that the guy is a friend, that he is a nice guy, (and his answer to that insulting uninvite is so chill basically proves it).”

“And yet OP, as a couple, treat him like dog poop for having the gall to… ‘checks notes’ lose his arm, recover and be too charming?”

“Has OP even thought the guy might have looked forward to seeing all the friends group there and being cheered up and happy for a bit?”

“Mate, if I was OPs friend, and invited to that wedding, I would bail. YTA.”  ~ gordito_delgado

“I came to say precisely this.”

“Perhaps OP’s friend was looking forward to celebrating his friend’s love and happiness, see his other friends, and feel like he’s among those who love and appreciate him after a hard recovery after losing a damn arm.”

“But Bridezilla over here doesn’t want to ‘share her spotlight’ with a friend going through a tough time?”

“There is no NTA, even after Ezra handled the situation with so much grace.”  ~ mlachrymarum

“YTA. Omfg what is wrong with you.”

“You are specifically excluding him because of his disability.”

“That is the definition of ableist.”

“‘He would take away our spotlight.'”

“Heaven forbid. Im not sure which of you is the more despicable.”

“Her for voicing such a thing or you for enabling it.”

“Your attempt to make it about sympathy for his plight and ‘maybe it was too much pressure’ is – you know what – I don’t even have words.”

“Now he has lost an arm, he no longer has any agency I guess is your point.”

“On the plus side, it sounds like your friends have his back and have correctly interpreted your revolting response to his tragedy.”

“To be clear: You are both the biggest assholes I have read about on here for some time.”

“Which of you is worse?”

“Who cares. You deserve each other.”  ~ Stoat__King

“In the words of another AH who just posted about a wedding… ‘Was it worth it?'”

“Ezra now knows that you and your significant other are not his friends.”

“Your friend group also now knows your true colors, so you probably won’t have to worry about Ezra stealing any of their attention from you – because they probably won’t come.”

“I low key wish that your entire friend group throws a party on your wedding day – with Ezra as the guest of honor.”

“He sounds like he has had a tough few months and probably would love being supported by people who truly love and care about him.” ~ Electrical-Date-3951

“YTA Why are you marrying a human who thinks this way????”  ~ SlightlyCrazyCatMom

“YTA. Holy s**t, people take this ‘special day’ stuff to insane levels.”

“Is anyone allowed to have anything happen in their life around another persons wedding day?”

“Tell your wife to get over herself, sure it’s a special party, but the whole world can’t just revolve around her for even just one day.”

“This would be fantastic to have Ezra around and see everyone.”

“I’m sure you’d be happy to see Ezra, and it would be a good time for him after what I assume has been a hard time recovering.”

“To stop that out of fear of being ‘upstaged’ is insanity.”  ~ P0ster_Nutbag

“I know! Some people act like the universe stops spinning for their wedding day.”

“Sorry to tell them, it’s just another day.”

“Even for the people who attend, they aren’t putting their lives on hold for the whole day just to focus on the bride and groom.”

“For the ceremony and reception sure, but even the reception is meant to be a party.”

“That means they’ll talk to other people about things other than the bride and groom!”

“OP, YTA and so is your fiancé.”  ~ AdEmbarrassed9719

“YTA, Jesus Ch**st.”

“I understand it’s your wedding.”

“And it’s the first time everyone is all together.”

“But it isn’t like he’s actively making a pregnancy announcement or proposing during your reception.”

“He lost an arm.”

“He cannot control the fact that he lost his arm.”

“He also cannot control people’s reactions to it, and neither can either of you.”

“And for what it’s worth, yes, your wife is 100% ableist for not wanting him to come because he lost his arm.”

“If there are ‘other factors’ then just his arm, why didn’t you list those too?” ~ ViedeMarli

“YTA. I gotta say, I hate this trend of a wedding day to focus only on the bride and groom.”

“This is a friend of both of you who had a tragic accident that left him scarred forever.”

“And you don’t want to have him at your wedding because he’d get some attention?”

“You and your future wife need to get your heads out of the clouds and realize that he would be delighted to come and see people he hasn’t seen for a while.”

“That said, in his shoes, I would consider you two to be acting like toddlers and forget the friendship.”

“I’m shocked that you even have to ask if YTA.”  ~ ClothesQueasy2828

“This is one of the most tone deaf, insane, WILD posts I’ve ever read here. YTA.”

“And Ezra sounds like a great guy just based on the fact that his response was that mature.”

“I can see why everyone likes him.”  ~ perfumgenius

“YTA. Who cares if Ezra steals some spotlight on your day?”


“Sometimes people let their own selfish CRAP stop them from just being grateful.” ~ REDDIT

“Of course YTA.”

“And yes, your wife is ableist.”

“Imagine telling a man who has just been through an incredibly traumatic and life-changing accident that he draws too much attention to himself.”

“He didn’t exactly ask to be in that accident. What the fuck is wrong with both of you?”  ~ livi275

Well, OP… it seems like Reddit has some issues with you and the soon to be misses.

Hasn’t Ezra been through enough?

Time for some soul searching.