It’s widely known that wedding planning, while fun, is a stressful and difficult task.
Especially when many people’s feelings have to be taken into account, confided the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor MollowForever found herself under fire after sharing with her mother and stepfather what she intended to do for her walk down the aisle.
Unable to find a compromise, the Original Poster (OP) questioned if she should just give in.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for picking my brother over my stepfather for my wedding day?”
The OP didn’t develop a strong relationship with her stepdad.
“I lost my dad when I was 5. My mom married Nathan when I was 10.”
“He tried to be a dad to me, and my brother who was 13 at the time, but it always sort of fell short.”
“I think this was because my brother was a teenager and because I had my brother, who, while not a parent at all to me, was not only a connection to my dad but a male figure I loved and looked up to.”
“Nathan and my mom never had kids together and Nathan has no kids.”
“So I think that’s why my latest decision was taken so badly.”
The OP shared a decision with her mom and her stepdad about her wedding.
“I sat mom and Nathan down last month and told them that for my wedding, my brother would walk me down the aisle and that we would do a dance together to honor dad instead of the father/daughter traditional dance.”
“I told them I wanted them to know ahead of time, because I know how Nathan feels about me/us and I wanted to give them a warning.”
“That I had planned for them to walk to their seat together and for them to get a spotlight dance alongside my fiance’s parents.”
They did not take the OP’s decision well.
“The news was not taken so well. Nathan was p**sed off that I wouldn’t give him the opportunity to do this stuff. Not just for me but for him too.”
“He said he’ll never get the chance again and that knowing how long he has been in my life and how hard he has tried to be a good father figure for me, the least I could do is give him this.”
“My mom told me it was time to be selfless and give this to him, even if I don’t want it.”
“She said she knows it’s why I didn’t ask her, because she would insist on sharing or maybe even let him take over for her on the day so he can have this moment.”
“My brother also has had s**t flying his way from this. And it’s been almost a whole month now.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the stepdad didn’t need to do this just because he’d been a father figure.
“NTA. I don’t understand the reasoning behind: ‘You have to let him do it, he’ll never get this chance again, you’re depriving him of this special moment.'”
“Firstly, it’s your moment and you can choose whoever you wish.”
“And secondly, I have 3 boys. My husband will ‘never’ get this moment, period. Neither will thousands of other daughterless fathers out there.”
“So no, it’s not the end of the world, and you’re not depriving him of an essential fatherhood experience.” – Shadow_wolf82
“NTA. Tell your stepdad and mum to get over themselves. Quite frankly, no one gives a s**t what they think.”
“Forcing someone to let someone do dad things because they say so? Great reason. Your wedding, your choice. If that’s a problem, uninvite. Sorted.” – Both-Flow-7383
“NTA.”
“Your wedding your choice, your decision doesn’t even need a reason. You’ve stated what’s going to happen and they can grit their teeth and enjoy the day for you or they can can be bitter and vocal at home, that’s their only two options here and I’d make that known. Especially since they’re attacking your brother for no good reason.” – Massivesigh100
“NTA, it’s your wedding. While my dad didn’t pass, My bio dad left when I was 3, I have 2 full brothers and 3 half brothers from my stepdad who same came into my life at 10 and then legally adopted me and my 2 full brothers when I was 12.”
“I’d 100% do the same, I would want my full brothers to wall me down the aisle. Not as disrespect towards my stepdad or anything but because of the bond my brothers and I have together, it’s different (you understand what bond I’m talking about)”
“Yours will be a mini version of your dad walking you down the aisle. Your stepdad should understand. Yes, it might hurt, but your dad literally can’t be there to give you away. Your only connection to him is your brother.”
“Stick to your plan, honey, it’s your BIG day. No matter what, it’s never the mothers/stepmothers’ or the fathers/stepfathers’ day of either the bride or the groom.”
“NTA. Hope you have a long and happy marriage!” – LunaMay1028
Others questioned why the OP couldn’t consider her stepdad’s feelings.
“I’m gonna say NTA, it’s your wedding, and that’s your special day. The entire goal of that day is to make the bride and groom happy.”
“If you want to be walked down the aisle by your brother, then that’s what you should do. And neither you nor your brother should be receiving flak for it.”
“However that being said, I do understand your stepfather’s reasoning for being hurt. He tried his best, to be a father figure even though you already had a male role model.” – DrPepperDemon
“I’m sure he’s put a lot of time, effort, and money into raising the family and probably loves them very much. Fair enough to feel upset. Not ok to be making OP feel guilty though.” – cycloneariel
“NAH, but there might be consequences. He’s understandably hurt if he was a good father. He might withdraw and other fatherly love/ duties in the future.” – thxmeatcat
“NAH, I feel sorry for him – it must hurt. But at the same time… it’s YOUR wedding and I think it’s really sweet you’re asking your brother.”
“Why not ask Nathan to do something else, like a reading at the wedding or a short speech at the reception, and make sure the photographer gets some formal family shots of you and your husband, his parents, your mum and Nathan, etc… to make him feel more included?”
“Of course… you don’t owe him this at all, and if you don’t want to do it then that’s completely your prerogative!! Just in case you wanted advice to keep everyone happy.”
“It just must hurt after that long trying to be a good father figure for someone But again – your wedding, your rules. Congratulations!” – bunkbedgirl1989
While the subReddit understood why the OP might want to make alternate plans on her wedding day, the subReddit didn’t necessarily agree with her methods. There might be some way of honoring the OP’s father while also not hurting her stepdad’s feelings.