Wedding planning is meant to be a fun occasion and certainly a special occasion, given the year we recently had.
But people who want all of the attention on themselves have a way of ruining the fun, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Futuristic-Ad3000 was appalled when his future wife came home in tears because of how her wedding dress appointment went.
When he realized her family was completely unapologetic, the Original Poster (OP) decided to do something about it.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for uninviting my fiancée’s parents and her sister from our wedding?”
The OP’s fiancée’s wedding dress appointment did not go as planned.
“Last week my (28) fiancée (28) had an appointment at a bridal store.”
“Since her friends are all over the country for work or school, and also because of pandemic protocols, the appointment had to stay small, so only her parents (50 and 54) and sister (29) went with her.”
“My fiancée got home from the appointment in tears.”
“She said when they got to the bridal store, her sister was looking at dresses instead of paying attention to the appointment, and then their parents, especially their mother, started looking with her, and she started trying on dresses herself.”
“Then her parents bought her sister a dress.”
“Her sister is single. Not engaged.”
“The appointment was supposed to be for my fiancée, but her sister took over, and my fiancée didn’t even get to try on a single dress.”
His fiancée’s parents would not financially support the wedding.
“When we announced our engagement, her parents said they couldn’t help us with the wedding, but we didn’t ask or even expect them to.”
“The dress they bought her sister was more than what our budget was for my fiancée’s dress.”
“And her sister isn’t engaged or even in a relationship.”
When he received a call from her parents, the OP knew what to do.
“Her parents called me a few hours later to ‘warn’ me my wife got emotional and dramatic at the appointment. I told them that both of them and her sister were no longer invited to the wedding because of their actions.”
“Normally I wouldn’t interfere with my fiancée’s family and if she wanted to overrule me, I would 100% support her, but she was so upset when she got home from the appointment, I felt I had to do something.”
“It’s been almost a week and my fiancée is ignoring her parents’ and sister’s calls and texts, and she hasn’t said anything about re-inviting them, even after I let her know it’s up to her and I support her decision.”
“Her parents and sister have been leaving me voicemails and texts, saying I’m controlling, out of line, it’s none of my business.”
“They also accuse my fiancée of being emotional, overreacting, and being mean to her sister and killing her fun.”
The OP wanted a nice wedding for his bride.
“My fiancée is the least selfish person I have ever met and I don’t think she’s wrong for being upset at what happened at the appointment.”
“My fiancée graduated medical school in 2019 and began a residency in internal medicine at a hospital in June 2019.”
“We all know about the pandemic that hit less than a year later, it has been very hard, fraught and emotional for my fiancee and her colleagues. I don’t know how they do it. Some days she cries a lot.”
“My fiancée doesn’t ask for much and while we are not having a big or expensive wedding. But come hell or high water, I’m making sure she gets to be happy.”
“I am furious at her parents and sister. They are my fiancée’s only family and they should be supporting her.”
“Was I wrong to uninvite them when I found out what happened?”
“Does it make me the a**hole if I did it without consulting my fiancée?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the favoritism was terribly obvious.
“What did they say when you asked how their actions could be perceived as acceptable? What excuse could they possibly give?”
“Why do they even want to come in the first place if they only care about the single daughter?”
“If you let them win now, next time will be worst. I would NOT want my children near these people” – Fancy_Association484
“Look up the Golden Child/scapegoat dynamic and you both read a lot. Daughters of narcissistic mothers is also a good site to read.”
“Her sister will be the center of attention for the parents no matter what she does. Notice they called you to blame your fiancé right away? I bet if you sit down with her she can tell you this has been her whole life.” – CJSinTX
“NTA. Her parents are playing favoritism, and the whole family sounds narcissistic and manipulative.”
“Your fiancé deserves a wedding dedicated to her, not them. They seem like the type to wear white to the wedding and act confused when you’re upset.” – AppropriateBasket94
Others said it was best to keep the focus off of them at the wedding.
“Please try and see about having security at the wedding if you can afford it!!”
“They seem like the type of people to try and show up anyway to guilt your fiancée so she won’t cause a scene in public.”
“NTA!!!” – DebateObjective2787
“The sister would probably show up wearing the wedding dress she didn’t need. I bet that if any man is crazy enough to marry her, she’ll want a new gown anyway. He’s NTA.” – Munbeam19
“NTA – Her family MASSIVELY overstepped. I suspect sister is the Golden Child and your fiancee has had to suck up so much behavior like this over the years. That appointment was not for the sister so her ‘fun’ is irrelevant.”
“Good on you for having your fiancee’s back and uninviting them. Best of luck with your wedding!”
“(PS: make sure you have password-protected all vendors as vindictive relatives sometimes change or cancel things. Not saying this will happen, but better to be safe!)” – Catatomical
A few agreed that his future wife deserved a beautiful wedding, and dress appointment.
“Are your parents close with your fiancée? Do you think they’d be willing to take her dress shopping?”
“I know it’s not the same as her own family, but she deserves a happy memory and a dress she feels beautiful wearing.” – TitaniaT-Rex
“Try scheduling a different appointment at a different bridal shop. Tell them what happened and ask if there is something you can do to help them make it fun for her (send in flowers, champagne, etc.).”
“I bet they will go over the top to help her find the right dress and have a good time!” – TiredUnoriginalName
The OP was concerned about speaking instead of his future wife, but the subReddit complimented the action, stating that he stood up for her, rather than took over for her.
After the disappointing experience she had, having someone there who would speak for her was probably exactly what she’d needed.