While weddings are joyous occasions, everyone knows planning them can be a huge headache.
This is why people hire wedding planners to alleviate some of the stress leading up to the big day.
But some brides choose to take on the arduous task themselves so that they have complete control.
Redditor anonwidow321 is a widow whose future sister-in-law (FSIL) meticulously planned for her own wedding but revealed her true colors when she encountered a roadblock.
Anonwidow321 talked about her confrontation with her FSIL in the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for not contributing to my older brother’s wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) started her post by disclosing her financial background.
“A little backstory for setup. I was widowed a little over a year ago. My husband had a substantial life insurance policy as well as a successful business that I have recently sold.”
“I have no financial issues. I can raise my daughter without worry.”
“My older brother proposed to his girlfriend back in January. She’s nice and seems to love my brother. We have had no issues in the past.”
“Covid hit, so we haven’t done family get togethers or anything. Their wedding planning has been put on hold. Until recently.”
“Our state has slowly started opening, no one has been sick, weather has been good, so my Dad and stepmom decided to have a family dinner on their outdoor patio to discuss my brothers wedding. With my FSILs [future sister-in-law] parents in attendance so they could all get on the same page.”
“I tried to dip out because wedding planning isn’t my thing (I eloped) but was told my presence was requested by FSIL. My step mom said she thought I was going to be asked to be a bridesmaid. (Which would have been a NO but that’s beside the point).”
“Dinner was uneventful but afterwards my FSIL pulls out a 3 ring binder and starts handing out ‘information packets’ about her wedding. When and where she wanted it, pictures of dresses she was considering, colors, ideas for catering, pictures of cakes, everything a well prepared bride could come up with.”
The OP thought that the next part of the presentation was some sort of joke.
“My favorite page was the list of expenses. How much she expected everyone to contribute. Her Dad, her mom and stepdad, my dad and stepmom, my brothers Mom, and ME.”
“I said ‘You expect me to contribute? That’s hilarious’ I was met with a stern gaze from my brother. ‘Oh my God, you’re serious. Yeah, that’s not happening’.”
“Cue the meltdown from the bride to be. Her Dad speaks up and tells her that she was already told that combined between both him and her Mom and Stepdad, she would be given $70,000 to do what she wanted.”
“Just like they did for her sister.”
“She started crying. My dad chimes in and says ‘Yeah, between the 3 of us, we will pay for a nice rehearsal dinner for like 30 people and an open beer and wine bar at the reception. That’s it’.”
“She started screaming. Like holding her hands over her ears and screaming ‘Why is everyone trying to ruin my life?'”
“So I said ‘This is where I leave’ She stands up and comes to me and gets in my face, telling me how it’s all my fault. I have money so I should be willing to spend it on her because she’s going to be ‘family’.”
“I just laughed, looked at my brother and said ‘Good luck with all that’ and walked out.”
“My FSIL blew my phone up for 2 days, calling me names and telling me how awful I am. I haven’t talked to my brother but my Dad said the wedding planning has been put on hold while she reevaluates whether she wants to marry into a selfish family. LMAO.”
“I know in my heart I’m NTA but a friend seems to think I should contribute just to keep the peace. Which I don’t really care about at this point and my Dad and stepmom agree with me. My other siblings do too but are trying to stay out of it.”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
“NTA, why would you contribute a penny to your future ex sister in law?” – Mamlucky
The Redditor added:
“Honestly, 70k alone sounds lavish beyond reason. Even if her parents could only chip in $700, she still has no entitlement to your bank and would still get a husband.”
Outspoken people get a bad rep.
“Funny how simply saying how you feel and not tiptoeing around does that to people.”
“You give them a straightforward answer and suddenly you’re rude because it’s not what they wanted to hear. I too have made a few people upset this way.” – Stw_Reylla
The OP responded to the above comment.
“Yeah. I have always been like this.”
“But since my husband died, I have less f’ks to give and absolutely no filters.”
In an update, the OP described the FSIL’s expected contributions.
“Because people keep asking, on top of the 70k her parents were willing to contribute, she wanted 50k from my Dad and Brother’s Mom snd 30k from me.”
“Yes, $150k for a wedding. Also, I think she had originally asked her parents for $80,000.”
Redditors balked at the cost of the wedding.
“Weddings can ALWAYS get more expensive if you let them, doesn’t mean they’re inherently have to be though. My husband and I are having our Manhattan wedding for 80 people for $35k, which I think is a lot. I can’t imagine $150k for a wedding.” – sour_lemons
“$30,000?!?! And a friend said you should contribute? Find a new friend.”
“The money from your husband is to take care of you and your daughter.”
“Maybe if they weren’t getting any money from the parents and it was going to be a small wedding I could see them asking for some money as your gift to them. Like $500 or so.”
“NTA at all and I’m sorry for your loss.” – External-Razzmatazz
“NTA- you definitely take stock of what’s important when you lose someone you love. 30k for the wedding is 30k less for your daughters education or your daughters wedding.”
“It’s so much more of an A H move for your brother to spring this on you in front of everyone without talking to you in private first and even expecting you to contribute that in the first place.”
“And then the childish reaction when she didn’t get her way….ooooo she is reevaluating if she wants to be part of the family?”
“Haha your brother should be doing the reevaluating there or he is going to be dealing with spoiled tantrums anytime she doesn’t get her way! Stand strong!”
“This is stress someone who is still grieving doesn’t need, and for that I am sorry. Hugs to you and your daughter.” – Heyrik1
The OP came back with a couple more updates after being overwhelmed by the number of responses.
“This post blew up. I.didn’t expect it to. I just wanted to show my friend that ‘keeping the peace’ was not a good idea. Thank you for all your replies. Even the one that called me a narcissist and said I should contribute.”
“To the commenters saying I probably could have been nicer when this happened, I can appreciate that.”
“However I was taken by surprise and being nice was the furthest thing from my mind. I showed a great deal of restraint because her parents were there and I had never met them before. If they hadn’t been there would have been a lot of cursing. A LOT.”
“Also to the ones who messaged me and asked, my daughter was spending some time with my in-laws. She hadn’t seen them much since lockdown began except over video chat. If she had been home, I probably wouldn’t have gone at all.”