Weddings are expensive.
Even those who hope to have a "small wedding" still end up spending thousands of dollars when the time comes to pay for the venue, food, clothes, and everything else.
But as long as people can afford to do so, there's nothing terribly wrong with spending a sizable amount of money on one day of your life.
Redditor SeriousBanana7181 and her fiancé were both very successful professionally, and with that in mind, decided to make their wedding an occasion to remember.
Something the original poster (OP)'s best friend was initially very excited to be a part of.
Until she learned just how much the wedding was going to cost and didn't even attempt to hide her disapproval from the OP.
Wondering if she was being insensitive and extravagant, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for spending more on my wedding than my best friend's husband makes in a year?"
The OP explained why her best friend was appalled by the amount of money she was spending on her wedding.
"I (24 F[emale]) and my best friend (25 F) have been best friends since we were 2."
"Now after high school, I decided that I wanted to go and start my own business."
"So I got a degree in business management while having a small business on the side."
"After I finished my degree, my business."
"I put all of my time, effort, and savings into growing it, which ended up being a very financially rewarding decision for me, as I now own a very successful business."
"I met my fiancé (32 M[ale]) 4 years ago and we got engaged last year but decided to have a long engagement because I wanted to lose some weight, which he said I didn't need to do but was completely supportive of."
"My fiancé is an orthopedic surgeon, so we're more than well off, especially as we have no plans to have children."
"Now, after high school, my best friend was doing a degree in chemistry but dropped out after 2 years when she became pregnant."
"I was there helping her out emotionally and financially throughout the whole of her pregnancy, as she decided she didn't want to work through her pregnancy and wanted to become a SAHM, which I totally supported."
"However, her husband works a 9-5 job in an office which pays enough for them to get by but not enough to live in luxury."
"Because of this me and my fiancé try and help them out the best we can and always let them borrow money when they need it."
"We helped them with the down payment on their house."
'However, now that we've started planning our wedding properly, we've got a beautiful venue, an open bar, live music, a 3-course meal."
"I've got the perfect dress, we're paying for all of the bridesmaids' dresses and groomsmen's suits, and we've got beautiful little gift hampers for each of the guests to take home, and overall we went all out because we can only have this day once."
"Now, when I was talking to my best friend about this, who is also my maid of honor, she bought up possibly having the same venue for her wedding, which I thought was lovely but I didn't know if they would be able to afford it."
'I didn't say that though."
"So, it was extra awkward when she asked about the price, so I told her, it's around $32,000, and she went ballistic asking how much my whole wedding costs."
"I really didn't want to tell her but she ended up getting it out of me and she went crazy."
"My whole wedding amounted up to about $72,000, which then sent her on a tangent of saying we're so irresponsible spending that much money on 1 day, that her husband only earns $60,000 a year to support the three of them, and if she knew we had that much money to just throw around, she would've asked us for more when they were struggling financially earlier on this year."
"She finished by saying that I'm a horrible friend for not helping her out more and that she was outraged that we thought it was okay to spend more money on 1 day then her family gets to live off in a year."
"I don’t think I’m TA, but she’s been sending me messages about how inconsiderate I am."
"So maybe I did go overboard and spend too much.'
"So AITA?"
"This amount of money on our wedding really didn’t put that big of a dent in our bank account due to the savings we have accumulated, and if we wished, we could’ve spent a lot more which I’m pretty sure my friend is aware of and it only adds to her anger."
"We don’t live in a huge mansion or anything, just a moderately sized house in a nice neighborhood, and try not to flaunt our wealth or push it onto people.'
'We never discuss it and try to digress if the subject is bought up."
"We donate 10% of our combined earnings to various charities."
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP should have no guilt for spending any amount of money on her wedding, and was in no way the a**hole.
Everyone agreed that the OP's best friend was simply jealous, with many agreeing that she was taking advantage of the OP's generosity.
"NTA."
"She's not treating you as a friend, she's treating you as her bank account."
"No one has the right to demand you spend your hard-earned money on them."
"The entitlement of this woman is through the roof."
'At what point does she believe you became responsible for bankrolling her life?"
"If I was you, I'd take a long hard look at this 'friendship', followed by a huge step back."- JustASW
"NTA."
'Wow, she is entitled.'
"Her finances are not your responsibility."
"She has chosen to be a SAHM, and to not complete college."
"These decisions have made her less financially stable, and that is completely on her."
'Frankly, it’s extremely kind of you to have helped them at all in the first place."-Special_Respond7372
'NTA."
"She made the decision to be a stay at home mom."
"You've gone beyond being a friend by financing her pregnancy."
"She's just jealous."- jhercules
"NTA."
"But please consider distancing yourself from this person."
"She seems to feel entitled to your $$$."
"You and your fiancé have worked for what you have."
"It’s super nice of you to help when you can but I suggest you stop now."
"Contributing to their down payment was a hugely kind gesture."
"Instead of being appreciative, she wants more."
"Not only that, but she doesn’t want you to enjoy the things you have worked to have."-greekadjacent
"NTA."
"You are going to get some comments about how you are an AH for spending that much, and as a tiny little socialist in my heart, I say go spend your money however you want!"
"I wouldn't spend that much on a wedding, but it is your money and your day."
"It is a once in a lifetime moment and sounds like a great party and you are picking up the costs of your wedding party as well."
"Have the best day ever!"
"And even if you didn't spend that much, why does your friend feel entitled to your money?"
'She made financial choices- she could have worked, waited to have children, etc"
"That resulted in her current economic status."
"It isn't like her house burned down or some other tragedy happened."
'This is all in her control."
"Of course, even with a tragedy you aren't obligated to help, but this is even worse because she just...expects your financial support forever?"
"I'd cut her off entirely, honestly, since clearly, she views you as a piggy bank she should have access to, and not as a true friend."
"When I was broke after finishing school, my friend had a similar wedding to what you described, and I was just...excited for her and happy to be a part of it because it wasn't my money or my business."- mfruitfly
The OP gave an update regarding her best friend's involvement with her wedding.
"I've asked my friend to step down as the maid of honor."
"I told her she is welcome to keep the dress and any other gifts we’ve given to the wedding party, but because of her reaction she is no longer a part of it."
'While I do sympathize with her situation, she’s not entitled to my financial success, nor is it my fault for her financial instability."
"I really hope I wasn’t too harsh because she really did help me a lot over the past year with emotional support when I was having family troubles with my brother and mom."
It's sad the way money can divide people, just as it seemed to divide the OP from her best friend.
Maybe her best friend will offer the OP a sincere apology with enough time that she might be part of the wedding again.
But one can't help but wonder if the OP's wedding might be a happier day without her there.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and IÂ got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.'Â And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.