Sometimes kids are expected to do adult things.
Whether they have to use the money they make from odd jobs like babysitting and tutoring to help with the household needs.
It's a fine line to walk.
People, of course, want to contribute, but personal needs like education will creep up.
Is it fair to expect children to use their school money for the family?
Redditor ImaginaryLime5187 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA for refusing to give my college scholarship stipend to my mom?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (17 F[emale], turning 18 in college) recently achieved a major milestone."
"I got awarded a full-ride scholarship to a top university in the Philippines (100% free tuition + $8,000 monthly stipend)."
"Instead of being happy as it's my dream school, I am filled with anxiety because of my mom."
"Background: Back in high school, I was also a scholar and received a monthly stipend of ₱2,500."
"The problem is, the moment that money hit my mom’s digital wallet account, it was micromanaged and completely gone."
"She used it to pay for household expenses (internet, utilities, streaming subscriptions, etc.)."
"Whenever I asked for school supplies, she would tell me she didn't have the money and that my stipend 'wasn't even enough to cover the house anyway.'"
"Because of this, I spent my entire 12th-grade begging for a scientific calculator and graduated without one, despite asking both of my parents daily."
"Double Standard: Here's where it comes in, my older brother is also a scholar."
"However, my mom lets him keep 100% of his stipend for his own savings and school needs."
"When I asked for a tablet for school, she said we had no money."
"Yet, she turned around and asked my dad (separated, he works overseas) to send extra money specifically to buy my brother a brand-new laptop and tablet."
"I once spent a small portion of my own high school stipend on school supplies (I started buying my own since 10th grade because I tutor kids, from which she also gets money from my profit) without telling her beforehand, and she blew up at me."
"She insists on calculating exactly how to spend my money on the household first, promising I can have the 'remainder,' but there is never anything left."
"Now that I am starting college, my stipend is bumping up to ₱8,000 a month."
"I am terrified she is going to confiscate all of it for the house again."
"My mom is a public school teacher."
"While I know her salary is tight, I believe both of my parents have terrible financial management skills (damn, my father suffers from a gambling addiction, how's that!)."
"My mom openly admitted she just expected us to study for free."
"Well, I did my part... I secured my free education."
"I will be turning 18 before college starts, so I want to exercise my legal rights to take complete control of my finances—open a bank account strictly in my name and have the university deposit my stipend there directly."
"I want to contribute partially to our household, but not give every single cent of it because I worked hard for this privilege, so I wouldn't have to beg her for basic academic necessities anymore in the first place."
The OP was left to wonder:
"My mom thinks I'm being selfish and ungrateful. AITA for wanting to cut her off from my scholarship money?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA, open your own bank account and have the money sent there from now on."
"If you don't put your foot down, it will never stop."
"Ever after I moved out, my mom continued to beg me for money and demand things from me like I was the parent and she was the child. I cut her off finally after she just wouldn't stop, and we don't talk anymore." ~ Novel_Fox
"Also, OP, make sure you have strong passwords on all your devices, no sharing of accounts with her, and don’t use anything for a bank card code that she could guess."
"And don’t write any of your passwords down where she can find them."
"Also, sign up for paperless statements!"
"Consider locking your credit as well." ~ anondogfree
"I would also recommend OP open up a new account at a whole different bank."
"It sounds like Mom is connected to her current one?"
"It's not unheard of for a parent to be able to talk their way into accessing their adult kid's account, even if the parent had their access revoked."
"I've even heard of this happening when the adult child makes an entirely new account at the same bank after turning 18, with the parents never listed at all."
"It shouldn't happen, in a perfect world, it wouldn't happen."
"But bank tellers are people, and people can be fooled. Opening an account at a whole different company is the surest way to protect against this kind of theft." ~ Wren_Arts00
"NTA. That money is yours, for your education, and she's proven in the past that she can't be trusted with your money."
"It sounds like this money doesn't cover housing, so you're still living at home. It does seem like you might pay her SOME of it - but I don't know this program, since I am not in the Philippines."
"In my limited experience, sometimes such payments to students are intended to subsidize their living expenses, and sometimes they're strictly limited to academic expenses and supplies."
"Whether you can or should give her a small amount to pay for your food, the money should come to you first and foremost, and she should not get it and have no access to your account."
"Is there some kind of financial aid advisor at your university?"
"It might be helpful if you had some kind of official document about your right to keep most, if not all, of the money." ~ SavingsRhubarb8746
"NTA, do not let that woman touch the money that is needed for your education."
"If you do that, you will only betray yourself and ruin your potential future."
"This is not about hair; it is about you, it is your money, and you have the right to use the money the way you need it and to have the best graduation you can get and afford."
"Do not let your mother ruin this for you."
"If it's about feeling like you need to help your mother, the best way you can help her is to get a good education, and afterward you can help out financially, which is what you actually want (although the way your mother sounds, I don't think she deserves it)."
"You have a right to your education, you have earned this, you deserve it all of it, and do not let anyone tell you otherwise." ~ namikazegirly
"NTA, get a new account, far, far away from your mother's."
"At the very least, get her away from your account."
"If you've given her access to your account (rather than her being a co-signer/guardian), get her off it."
"This should be your first task tomorrow morning." ~ unwilling_viewer
"NTA. I'm not sure what counts as normal in the Philippines, but at least stateside, this is a pretty open and shut case."
"Since you hit the age of majority and it's a stipend for your use, I see no reason why you can't open a bank account and route the money there." ~ RimboTheRebbiter
"NTA. You're given this money for your education."
"You're (almost) a grownup, so you're responsible for it being used for that."
"Open a bank account of your own, so you control the money."
"It's fine to pay your mother some of that money for living expenses if you're living under her roof, but you should control how much."
"You shouldn't rely on your mother for leftovers." ~ Heavy-Equipment8389
"Keep the money for yourself."
"Tell them, they managed before they had your stipend, they can hold out for a few more years while you can secure your education and future higher-paying job."
"After that, you can help with finances more easily than penny-pinching the rest of your life." ~ chaosspread
"NTA for calling out the double standard for your brother."
"But do you live at home?"
"Will your mom/dad fund any part of your upkeep while you're in college?"
"If the answer to either question is yes, you should consider whether that 8k stipend will cover the part of your life that your parents would otherwise pay for."
"If they decide to stop funding you in retaliation, being right in principle won't help you afford practical necessities." ~ Dapper-Survey1964
"NTA. Go forward with your plan to open an account, and I'll tell you one more thing - make sure the account is at a completely separate banking institution from the one your parents use."
"Also, contact the school office in charge of your tuition and stipend and explain that your parents cannot have any access to your information or money."
"Ask to have it documented on your file, so some well-meaning clerk doesn't completely f**k up your life." ~ stillrooted
"You are entitled to those funds."
"NTA. However, if you continue living in your mother's house, perhaps paying certain bills on your own would make both of your lives easier."
"It is vastly unfair that she allowed your brother to keep his funds under his control but wants all of yours."
"We are better than that, trying to reach some sort of gender equality."
"I wish you the best in university."
"Go impress the Heck out of everyone and make yourself a great life." ~ 2dogslife
Reddit is with you, OP.
This is your money.
Your education and school needs are paramount.
It's time for Mom to take care of herself.
Good Luck.
