Let's be honest, none of us are literally perfect, and we all have our insecurities about our bodies.
When we think that someone else looks better than we do, our insecurity may worsen, admitted the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor BridesmaidShirt was surprised when one of the other bridesmaids for her friend's wedding had ordered all of the bridesmaids the same sized shirt for the upcoming bachelorette trip.
But when she saw that the shirt only fit the bridesmaid who placed the order, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if the planner's insecurities about her own body were to blame.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for resizing my matching bridesmaid shirt?
The OP agreed to go along with a matching t-shirt plan for the bridesmaids trip.
"My friend is getting married soon, and I'm one of her bridesmaids."
"Last weekend was her bachelorette party trip, and one of the other bridesmaids (who I had never met) had emailed us a few months ago saying it would be 'fun' to surprise the bride with matching t-shirts for the trip."
"Not really my thing, but happy to go along with it. We all agreed, and the organizer said she would order the shirts and send them."
"She didn't ask for our sizes, so I emailed her asking for an XS. No response."
The OP wasn't happy with the shirt she received.
"The shirt arrived a few weeks ago and... it was an XL."
"Someone else in the group emailed, saying, 'Hey, I might have gotten someone else's shirt? I asked for a medium.'"
"The organizer confessed that she decided to order all the shirts in an XL as it was cheaper that way(?) and also she 'didn't like tight shirts.'"
"What the f**k? Forget tight, I looked like a child in her dad's shirt."
"I'm pretty good at sewing (or good enough to size down a t-shirt I'll never wear again), so I resized mine to actually fit me. I did the same for my friend who lives near me and is another bridesmaid."
Her alterations were not welcomed.
"Well, when we got to the destination, the organizer was p**sed because the two of us 'no longer matched' and accused us of sabotaging the surprise."
"I thought the matching had to do with the color and design of the shirts, not the sizes?"
"Also, while we were the only ones who actually took scissors and thread to our shirts, others rolled up sleeves, tied the shirt to make it like a crop top, etc."
"Also if it's relevant, the organizer was larger and actually fit in her XL t-shirt, unlike 80% of the rest of the group."
"The bride also didn't seem to care at all."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the fellow bridesmaid was projecting her feelings onto the bridesmaids.
"NTA."
"Her insecurities got the best of her. Before you even got to the part where she wears the XL, I knew she was going to be the bigger size."
"Now, she is right, ordering one size is easier, BUT if her concern was actually just making it easy, she'd have no problem with the alteration." - Malibu921
"NTA, I feel like the organizer probably wanted everyone to have the same size to make herself feel better about being larger?"
"Not sure how the organizer thought everyone getting the same size would somehow make her look better for being in an XL? If anything, it seems weirder if she fits perfectly in an XL and everyone else has their XL super baggy on them (would probably make her look larger than if everyone just had their right size)." - mcgillstudent123456
"NTA. I was co-maid of honor for my bf and made custom t-shirts for the bachelorette party (not just the girls in the bridal party, but all the girls who attended the bachelorette party)."
"I asked, and bought (at my expense from American Apparel, so not cheap), t-shirts in the same color in each girls' size and customized them with the same design, but each in a different location on the T."
"Even though each T was slightly different, we TOTALLY matched. And everyone knew it and knew why we were in the same color Ts."
"The girls loved the Ts and since they actually fit (I knew all the girls, so I even made sure to buy the style of t-shirt that best fit each girls body type: slim, regular, relaxed, extra long for the tall girl), everyone wore them as part of their regular wardrobes."
"Who knows, it may have been cheaper to buy all the same size (close out/clearance deal?), but if this just sounds like the BM was size-ist. She's definitely the AH." - throw_away_990099
"NTA. The organizer was insecure about not looking as good as y'all in the shirts so she sabotaged. Very inconsiderate and rude of them." - SNonAnoNS
"Maybe it wasn't about hiding her own weight, but rather not having to see the smaller women in tshirts that were cut to accentuate their shape."
"Tshirts are not flattering on most people, but there are girls that somehow still look good in them. I look like a potato sack in basic t-shirts." - Turbulent-Army2631
"NTA. You put the key part at the end. The organizer fit into the shirt. So obviously her intention was that all of you would be in similar sized shirts. She was trying to minimize, so to speak, her size by bulking all of you up."
"I'm not sympathetic to her because she thought she was being sneaky rather than honest."
"Not only that, she was content to try and make herself look better by making the rest of you look worse." - disruptionisbliss
"NTA. She was jealous that she was the only one who needed the XL. She didn't care that you'd all basically be swimming in an XL because it made you all shapeless masses of roughly the same size that she is."
"Others made less 'obvious' changes to their shirts, which didn't make her feel as much like an outlier. You two made obvious alternations which highlighted just how much smaller you were than her, so she lashed out. NTA." - TheFlamingSquirrel
"NTA. I would have given the organizer a piece of my mind. Told her I see what's been happening. You didn't care about getting the brides friends shirts that fit them, you just made sure it fit you."
"She is the organizer of this event for your friend and has no right to criticise any guest and that she needs to apologize. Otherwise, you will tell your friend, the bride, what she did and how rude she was to you." - KarenMaca
Others confirmed the OP wasn't wrong to want to feel comfortable in her t-shirt.
"NTA. You need to be comfortable to have a good time." - redditavenger2019
"I buy XL mens shirts to wear to bed. They are so comfy, and I buy them on sales so they have terrible designs on them which is fun."
"But they look stupid, they sag and flap and they're wider than they are long. I'd be mortified to wear one on public." - FurTumbleweed
"I was in a bridal party situation like this. The organizer asked for sizes. I was pregnant but hadn't announced it yet, but knew that by the time of the event I would be 7 month bumping."
"I asked for an XL shirt and made some excuse. She ordered me a M instead… sometimes you just can't win. I was shrink wrapped (laugh emoji)." - chickenandbabies
"NTA. The organizer wanted to make sure you didn't look any better in your shirts than she did."
"For the record, my bridesmaids ranged between 5'1- 5'8, and 120-275 lbs (55kg-125kg), yes, shortest was heaviest. My only rule was their dresses had to be burgundy."
"All 4 picked the style that looked best on them, and the dresses were reworn because they didn't scream bridesmaids. That's the proper way to do it." - dehydratedrain
"I'm an XL, and I would NEVER just presume sizes. I'm not self conscious about my size, but I'd double and triple check sizes, and offer a size bigger just on the off-chance (so I'd ask a friend who's an XS if they wanna order an S just in case they run small, etc)."
"But I would still order whatever d**n size they asked for. I wouldn't expect someone to drown in clothing that's my size, unless they'd come to me soaking wet, and they put some of my clothes on while I dried their clothes." - BPD-and-Lipstick
"NTA. Sounds like the organizer is insecure of her body and thought she could look like the rest of the party if everyone wore shirts the same size."
"That doesnt excuse her actions. You weren't in the wrong for making your shirt fit better." - beerwookie3
The OP was surprised by the other bridesmaid's reaction to the alterations to made to the shirt, but the subReddit confirmed she had done nothing wrong.
She was making her shirt more comfortable for on the trip, and she was honoring her body, rather than conforming to the expectations of someone else's, which is a frequently forgotten practice at weddings.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.