We might do everything we can to avoid it, but sometimes, the truth hurts.
But when that piece of knowledge could improve our lives, it's better for us to try to listen to it, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor ElectricalEngine1649 looked on as his sister struggled with dating throughout her dating life, her romantic interests always finding a reason to end things with her.
But after her most recent breakup, when the Original Poster (OP) noted how she reacted, he realized that she might actually be the problem.
He asked the sub:
"Am I the a**hole for telling my sister that she is the common denominator in her failed relationships?"
The OP noticed how frequently his sister was broken up with by her boyfriends.
"My (28 Male) sister (31 Female) has always struggled with dating."
"She takes pride in her appearance, has a good job, and has owned her own house for years, so she can start dating people easily."
"Unfortunately, after a few months, the relationships always start to collapse."
Everything started to come clear when she went through her most recent breakup.
"In her most recent relationship, she met Tony (34 Male) on a dating app in late January, and they hit it off."
"She was immediately spending weekends away with him, and he was meeting the family, and we were being told that he was 'the one.'"
"We were even hearing that they were spending time going into jewellery shops and earmarking rings for a future proposal."
"Around a week ago, we heard from my sister that it's over, and he initiated the breakup."
"She started off by saying that she was heartbroken, and she thought he was different than the other guys she's dated, but clearly, he was just like the rest and didn't know a good thing when he saw it."
The OP noticed that there was a definite pattern to her breakups.
"She showed us the text conversation that resulted in their breakup, and it read exactly like her past three or four breakups she's had."
"After the honeymoon period, she has a tendency to 180 on some of the characteristics that she's built up at the start of the relationship, such as enjoying travel, or being a foodie who loves cooking. In reality, she doesn't like going anywhere but resorts for a holiday, and she orders takeaway food more than anyone I've ever met."
"These aren't inherently bad qualities, but she'll start dating someone who is drawn to the idea that their new girlfriend will go camping, or they'll cook nice meals together, when, after about month three, she'll suddenly act like those things are the worst idea anyone's ever had."
"She also has a tendency to expect the guy to fall in line immediately, and if they don't, they're controlling and abusive."
"In this instance, because Tony didn't want to sell some festival tickets they'd agreed to buy a couple of months ago, she had called him a bunch of names and suggested that he go talk to his general practitioner about his clear control issues, and Tony (fairly) called the relationship off there and then, and blocked her."
The OP decided that honesty was the best policy, so his sister could learn something.
"Then she started saying that she was going to message Tony's boss and suggest that he needs to be removed from his role (he works in a job where he interacts with children) because of his 'narcissism.'"
"I snapped and said that she was the main reason her relationships end, and that if she were just honest with the guys she dated, she might find someone who actually shares her interests, and then they might stay together."
"She immediately started crying and stormed out of the house."
"About half an hour later, I had our mother on the phone, saying that I have to apologize for being cruel (I'm sure it'll come as a surprise to no one that my sister has been enabled by our parents our entire lives, and this is likely why she feels so entitled to have things all her own way)."
"I'm not above apologizing if I'm wrong, but I don't think I was wrong to be honest, though I would welcome an outside view."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that he was being honest, and his sister needed to hear it.
"Your sister lovebombs, takes zero accountability, lies, manipulates, and is willing to stoop so low as to get him fired because he left her."
"It’s clear who the actual narcissist is, but that’s beside the point."
"Your sister needs to be told that what she’s proposing is extremely unhinged, and if you have any shred of empathy, I’d contact her ex to give him a heads up of what she’s threatening to do. NTA." - Boring_Ghoul_451
"NTA. If your siblings can't tell you you're an a**hole, who can?" - inductiononN
"NTA. You gave your sis solid advice. If she had been less unhinged, it might have been delivered a bit more gently."
"And what the h**l is she on with going after his JOB!?"
"When/if she calms down, explain to her what you explained to us: she's quite the catch, and any guy would be lucky to have her. She needs to be open and honest about what she likes and expects. There are plenty of guys who love going to resorts and restaurants or ordering in."
"Tell her you love her and want to see her happy. It worries you when she does herself the disservice of not letting potential partners see her authentic self." - AnnoyedRedheadedMom
"Poor guy. I hope she was lying about contacting his work, but in case she really does do that, maybe contact them yourself and tell them that your sister is just being a vindictive ex."
"NTA. She might not like what you said, but it sounds like she needed to hear it. What she does about it is up to her now, though." - Last-Campaign-3373
"The quick obsession with a person, weak sense of self, black and white thinking. Whatever is going on, she definitely needs therapy, and illnesses like this can be put into remission. She can have the life she wants, but she's got to acknowledge that there's a problem and want help." - ArtesianDiff
Others pointed out that the OP had been honest with his sister, and now, it was time to be honest with his mother.
"NTA. Tell your mom she's trying to get a guy fired, and that makes her unsafe for people to date, and that until she gets help, you won't be engaging in discussions with her."
"And then call Tony and let him know she said this, so he can prep his work for a dangerous ex situation." - Witty-Stock-4913
"What the h**l did I just read? NTA. But your family is batty."
"Your sister lies to dudes, then acts shocked that they dump her. And Mom and Dad are just... okay with this?":
"Do not apologize to her. Someone cared enough to tell her the truth, and frankly, a little gratitude is in order from your sister. Gotta tell you, it feels like time for limited contact with your family. For your own sanity if nothing else. Yikes." - mamaallthetime
"NTA. You are spot on. She's faking who she is to win guys over, and then losing her s**t when the real her comes out and they are like, whoa. She needs a good therapist and to probably take a break from dating until she figures herself out."
"Tell your mom you aren't trying to be cruel; you're trying to be honest, and help her." - Jerseygirl2468
"NTA. I would've snapped at that point, too. People don't like it when you hold mirrors up to their faces. She wants to threaten his job? I probably would've said more things she didn't want to hear. What an entitled... just yikes."
"You can say, 'I apologize that I was blunt, but unfortunately, you need to hear the truth,' and leave it at that. Ugh, my sister is like this, too. She's 38 and single. EVERY guy is 'the one,' and it's usually around the seven-month mark that they are over her." - DCpurpleTart33
"NTA. If she has no problem involving you and the rest of the family in her drama, she can expect fair turnabout on feedback about it. Why is it on you to manage her emotions?"
"I doubt she'll learn from this, either." - Kossyra
Some urged the OP to alert Tony, just in case this impacted his future.
"Warn Tony AND be willing to tell his boss. Please. NTA." - mamaallthetime
"Warning Tony is the most pressing thing here."
"What she threatened, contacting his employer to suggest he's a danger to children, it's potentially career-ending retaliation against someone who did nothing wrong except end a four-month relationship."
"The mom conversation is less urgent, but the enabling dynamic you described explains a lot about why this pattern has never been addressed. You told her the truth she needed to hear, and that's not cruelty." - Rick_McPherson
"NTA. She was even going to attempt to spread lies and damage this guy's career. You should give him a heads-up." - Long_Ad_2764
"What you said was harsh, but threatening to contact his boss over a breakup crossed a serious line. Someone needed to be honest with her before she hurts someone else or herself further." - Emily_5260
"Tony could legitimately sue your sister for defamation if she follows through on her plan to call his boss, and it succeeds (meaning Tony faces an adverse employment action like demotion or termination, which would mean he would have damages and hence a cause of action for court)."
"Ask her if she's willing to lose her house for this half-brained attempt at revenge. (Damages could be significant depending on the facts of the case.)" - childhoodsurvivor
As much as the truth might hurt, it was clear that the OP's sister was setting herself up for failure by pretending to be someone she's not and expecting men to pivot with her, even though they've been truthful about their interests and personalities the entire time.
If the OP's sister wanted love and happiness, she needed to accept herself and what she loves, and eventually, she'd find someone who appreciated that about her and would be willing to go the distance.
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u/TheEllaBullet/Reddit 
u/TheEllaBullet/Reddit
