in , ,

Bride Upsets Fiancé By Refusing To Let His 98-Year-Old Grandma Come To Their Reception

People, Photography/Getty Images

Bridezillas come in all forms, and we’ve likely all been around one in our history of weddings attended.

But telling someone they can’t attend a wedding because they’re too old is quite the offense.

Sometimes brides get too caught up in the “fun” of it all to think about people’s feelings, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor completely forgot the true meaning of her wedding and celebrating a new phase in her life with her husband when she started making demands of the guest list.

But when she started receiving criticism, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she made the wrong plans.

She asked the sub: 

“AITA for not wanting my fiancé’s grandmother (98 [female]) at our wedding?” 

The OP made demands for her upcoming wedding. 

“My fiance (30 [Male]) and I (28 [Female]) are getting married next month.”

“Everything is going great, but we’ve been having a serious argument about having his grandmother at our wedding.”

“We’ve agreed to not have kids at our wedding, as we want the reception to be a huge party for our adult friends and family with dancing, loud music, and an open bar.”

“However, for precisely the same reasons that we don’t want kids there, I don’t want his elderly grandmother at our wedding either.”

“I said she can come to the ceremony but not the reception.”

“It will be extremely loud and I want it to be a party atmosphere, and she will be extremely out of place.”

“For context, none of my grandparents are still alive, and he still has his last living grandmother.”

The OP’s future husband did not agree with this. 

“This has caused a huge fight, since she said she has always dreamed about being at her grandson’s wedding (he is her oldest grandchild and she probably won’t make it to the next family wedding).”

“Which is why I said that she’s more than welcome at the ceremony, but she will just be too out of place at the reception.”

“She and he both insist that she will be fine and wants to go to the party.”

“But I just know it will inevitably lead to us dealing with her and taking care of her, and I just want to get drunk and let loose with my friends.”

“She’s now really upset and won’t talk to me, and my fiance is also angry.”

“I think I am within my right to make this request. I am the bride after all.”

“AITA?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in: 

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some really felt terrible for the OP’s future husband and his grandmother.

“YTA. Not sure how you could be more TA, to be honest.”

“You’re hearing the love of your life say this is important. You’re hearing someone really important to your partner say this is important. And you’re putting getting drunk ahead of that?”

“FFS (for f**k’s sake). She’s been a grown adult longer than you’ve been alive – I’m pretty sure she can handle any tiredness and noise as she wishes.”

“If I was your partner, I’d be noticing the red flags.”EssexCatWoman

“Poor grandma deserves so much better than to be told ‘you’re too old for me to party hard around’.”

“Most old folks these days just want to be included. We so often forget they are still people too and more often than not the elderly go for weeks without any sort of interaction or communication with another person.”

“The (baby) bride needs to be less tone-deaf and more considerate.”

“Because one day she may be that uninvited grandma.”TinyGloom

“‘But there’s alcohol and fun and she’s so… oooold!'”

“Miss But I Wanna Party would be surprised how many old-timers could easily drink her under the table. At least that’s what I was thinking while reading the post.”

“That, and – lady, my grandma would not only have drunk you under the table, but she’d also have won the card tournament she spontaneously organized while being the delight of the party. -“

“Do never overestimate the inner age of grandparents. Especially when they come from a region that’s known for their hardy, alcohol-preserved seniors.”

“I actually expected this to be about an elderly person who isn’t quite herself anymore but requires constant supervision and might still wander off, wet themselves, or have meltdowns, as it sometimes happens with heavy cases of dementia. That would be sad and tragic but I’d also kinda get the point.”

“I definitely didn’t expect that OP’s problem boils down to ‘I wanna get drunk and sing along to songs that say boob and fuck but I get emotionally constipated when adult-adults are present…'”

“If she really worries so much that grandma might feel bored or out of place, just tell her to bring a friend along. It’s not that deep.”pokethejellyfish

Others thought the OP was incredibly immature.

“Wow OP you really need to grow up yourself or there will be at least one child at that ceremony.”

“Not only is your ageism gross and your self-centered focus on partying gauche and boorish, but the fact that you have completely dismissed a very reasonable request from the supposed love of your life and plan to rob a valued and beloved member of the family you are about to marry into of their possibly only chance at a lifelong dream because she’s old and you can’t be bothered to worry about her… you could literally hold the reception in a tent made from a red flag that size.”

“YTA and I hope you realize you are not ready to be married.”

“You should cancel the ceremony, cut your fiancée free of you, and spend a few more years getting your fill of the party scene because you are not yet capable of prioritizing the needs and wishes of others over your own desires.”Meidara

“OP is too young to get married if she hasn’t yet realized that old people know what young people get up to at weddings and parties, on account of having been young once, and also been to many weddings and parties themselves throughout their life.”

“OP, granny is a big girl and capable of taking herself to bed when she’s had enough. Denying her a seat at the table for the meal, speeches, cake, toasts, and first dances because after that you’ll be drunk is a lot more mortifying to you than how mortifyingly drunk you’re planning to get.” – Cardabella

““But it’s my day! Reeeee!” I’d honestly reconsider marrying someone so selfish and disrespectful to my family.”

“I get not wanting kids there, booze, etc, but God help if someone hurt my grandma’s feelings. What a brat!”Educational_Co

Though the OP thought she was in the right, especially since she’s the bride, the subReddit said she had something else coming.

Not only should she not speak for her future grandmother-in-law, but she might also want to think about what the other half of the wedding wants to happen at his reception.

Sometimes people get so wrapped up in what they would like to see happen, like a big party, they wind up hurting other people’s feelings.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.