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Redditor Livid After Brother Refuses To Host Backyard Wedding At Last Minute Due To Superstition

brade and groom in backyard
Oleksandr Hrytsiv/Getty Images

Having a wedding venue cancel on you 45 days before the ceremony leads to scrambling to find a new location and notify all the guests and vendors.

When the venue that cancels belongs to a family member, hurt feelings also become part of the equation.

The urge to lash out may be strong.

A sibling headed to the altar turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback on a hypothetical “Would I Be The A**hole” (WIBTA) question after their brother canceled their wedding plans on short notice.

Aggressive_Average_7 asked:

“WIBTA for uninviting my brother to my wedding after he canceled on hosting the wedding?”

The original poster (OP) explained:

“My fiancé and I decided we wanted to have an intimate wedding ceremony instead of a large wedding. For the venue, we asked my brother and sister-in-law (SIL) if we could have it in their backyard about a year ago.”

“They said they would be honored to host. We knew it was a big ask, since they had a 2nd newborn on the way, and promised we would be as unobtrusive as possible and take care of everything that needed to be taken care of.”

“For guest count, we are at 26 people. So as intimate as possible for a backyard wedding. They insisted it would be a wonderful setting and it would mean a lot to them to have it there as well.”

“We’re pretty close-knit. We come from a household of strong family values and grew up together.”

“So we’re about 1.5 months out from our wedding day, and my brother just informed us that they could no longer host the wedding at their place.”

“Through happenstance, their nanny/family friend (who’s also a monk) found out we were having our wedding there and told them it would bring less luck to their family.”

Apparently the superstition goes that if you host a sibling’s wedding at your house, you give away your luck to that family.”

“And now that they are new parents to a 6-month-old and 2-year-old, they don’t want anything to happen to them and want to give them the best chance at life they possibly can.”

“Nobody knew about this until now. Our family has never really been superstitious. I know my SIL’s family is more conservative and believes in these sort of things.”

“I’m pretty tolerant of others’ belief systems. And while I don’t understand it, I do respect it.”

“But we are literally less than 2 months out now from our big day. Fortunately a venue change isn’t too too difficult, but it definitely throws a curveball into logistics when we’ve had everything already set.”

“I love my brother and would want the best for his family and the kiddos. But right now, I don’t want anything to do with him.”

The OP later added:

“We live in the US. ⁠Not sure what religion or sect—guessing Buddhism. Or feng shui.”

⁠”He did try to find us a new venue. These were not well-thought-out options, but he still tried. Did offer to cover whatever additional costs to send out new invites.”

“⁠Was not explicitly stated, but based on our relationship and knowing my brother he would try to cover the venue cost.”

The OP summed up their situation.

“I might be the a**hole because I would like to uninvite my brother to my wedding after he canceled on hosting the wedding 45 days out.”

“He’s my brother, and we are close—not having him there would definitely tarnish our relationship.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

“NTA, just tell him that you don’t want to bring bad luck to his house and you don’t want him to bring bad luck to your wedding. You are afraid some superstition you are unaware of might follow him into your wedding.”

“It is just as a ridiculous excuse as he gave you. Just don’t share the new location or the correct time with him, or be honest and just tell him that his cancellation of the location was also his cancellation on the invitation.” ~ ConfusedAt63

“NTA. How did this not become a thing until 1.5 months before the wedding? I would want space as it sounds like your SIL’s beliefs might be on the fringes.” ~ Comfortable-Sea-2454

“NTA. What a strange story. I wonder if there is some other reason he doesn’t want to host your wedding.”

“Perhaps he is being pressured by his in-laws? If so, he needs to learn to stand up to them.”

“Regardless, this puts you in a bind (less than 2 months out), and he’s just proven he is untrustworthy. I would be furious, too.”

“I would calmly explain to him that you are very unhappy with this development, that it is causing significant issues with your wedding plans, and that while you love him, he is no longer invited to the wedding because what he just did was so disrespectful to you and your fiancé. Good luck.” ~ goldenfingernails

“NTA and justified in whatever boundaries you choose, but give yourself time before making a decision. Uninviting him from the wedding will prob change your relationship with your brother further—and if that’s right for you, no judgement from me.”

“But I could equally see it being the right decision for you to let him be the nutty/petty one, and keep him at the wedding while still setting different boundaries (not doing favors for them, asking him for help in the new venue cost, etc…).”

“Only you’ll know what’s right for you.” ~ zoule

“NTA—this is an absolute bullsh*t reason to cancel the wedding, and on six weeks notice to boot.”

“I also call BS that the nanny just now figured out what was going on, either she waited until the last minute to share this info or your brother/SIL sat on the info until now.

“Motives of all of them unclear but definitely a**holish.”

“Regardless of how it makes the brother and SIL feel, they agreed to it and insisted upon it to the couple.”

“I don’t care what you think of the initial ask and how big it was. They agreed, and backing out 6 weeks in advance is sh*tty any way you slice it.” ~ Upstairs-Volume-5014

“I’ve lived to regret instances where I was completely right and justified in disappointment and anger, lashed out and sort of became the bad guy, even though I was justified.”

“Sometimes things just are less awful with time and distance but too much bad blood has been spilled. NTA though.”

“I would make it very clear how hurt and disappointed you are. Maybe go low contact for a while.

“Make him feel kind of guilty for the rest of his life, but not so much that you completely destroy the relationship (assuming you can imagine a time when you want to have a relationship).”

“Disinviting him is a pretty strong move and may disrupt the rest of your family relationships as well.”

“At a minimum, they should help you locate and pay for a new venue. That’s what someone with a little class would do (but someone with a little class wouldn’t put you in this position in the first place).” ~ KeekyPep

“NTA and completely understandable. If he’d declined to host in the first place because of that superstition, he’d still be an AH, but you’d have simply chosen another venue.”

“At this late stage, he’d need an extremely good reason to cancel on you.”

“Tell him you must leave him out of your wedding. There may be some other bad luck associated with it, and you would be remiss if you allowed him to run that risk.” ~ extinct_diplodocus

“I’m all for respecting religions, but I’m really finding it hard not to look at your brother negatively in this.”

“For one, he is canceling only a month away, and two, it’s from listening to some superstition. I’d uninvite them too.” ~ porcelain_beauty

“NTA. For what it’s worth, my mother-in-law (MIL) used to constantly try to manipulate us/control us by quoting cultural beliefs and the Chinese almanac as reasons why we couldn’t be around my side of the family and needed to be with her.”

“So I found someone who would read the almanac as a service and paid them to give advice on dates we picked for certain events or things we were planning on doing.”

“Then I confronted my MIL with this information and the fact that he had no idea of the majority of things she claimed.” ~ tortsy

“NTA, but invite him anyway. In 30 years, you’re more likely to regret not inviting him than inviting him, especially if you’re a close-knit family.”

“He is wrong to change the plan on you at the last minute. People make mistakes.”

“Count this as one of his and be the bigger person. It won’t be hard to avoid him at the wedding or excuse yourself if he does approach you.”

“I’m assuming that he profusely apologized for the inconvenience when he rescinded permission to use their house as the wedding venue.”

“He’s already the a**hole, but doubly-so if he didn’t offer a deep and sincere apology.” ~ UnivScvm

While the OP may be justified, taking a moment to consider the long-term consequences is always a good idea.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metís Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. A member of the Indigenous Journalists Association, she considers herself another proud Maineiac.