We are taught growing up that honesty is always the best policy.
If deep down, this is true, and we should always be honest when in doubt, sometimes sharing our honest opinion isn’t the most helpful thing we can do.
Indeed, sometimes being “brutally” honest, as it were, might only make a situation worse.
Redditor workworkinprogress recently paid a visit to her grandparents.
Unfortunately, the visit took a sour turn when the original poster (OP)’s grandfather lost his temper with the OP when she was only trying to help.
Leading the OP to share an honest confession with her grandfather.
After being told by others she should apologize, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA For telling my (28 F[emale]) grandpa (84 M[ale]) he doesn’t get calls from his grandkids because he’s a bully?”
The OP explained why they felt the need to be truly honest with her grandfather:
“I was over at my grandpa’s house yesterday.”
“He and my Nana got new phones and were trying to set them up with my help.”
“We called customer support.”
“My Nana was trying to increase the font on her phone, and the customer service rep was guiding us.”
“As we were working on our phones, my grandpa got agitated.”
“My Nana was trying to ask questions to the representative, and several times my grandpa shushed her. I noticed, but I didn’t think it was a big deal, and was showing my Nana the settings on my phone and how big I could make my font.”
“My grandpa leaned over and said ‘shut up’.”
“I said ‘no’.”
“He said ‘I’m telling you to be quiet’ and I said ‘no’.”
“Then he stood up and took his jacket off and said ‘get the hell out of my house’.”
“I said ‘no’.”
“He said he was going to call the police, and I said Fine, go ahead.”
“My Nana grabbed my arm and told me to stay with her at the house, too.”
“He was yelling at me and told him he was mean and a bully, and that’s why none of his grandchildren call him.”
“He told my family, and my aunt texted me to apologize.”
“But I can’t because what I said was true.”
“The other grandkids don’t like him, and he doesn’t have a lot of respect.”
“His whole life he goes into these rages and in my late teens I stayed with him even though I don’t currently, and he kicked me out twice one for ‘breaking curfew’ because I didn’t have a key to the house and couldn’t get even if I made it home.”
“The other time was for something i don’t remember.”
“My younger brother when he turned 18 stayed with him for maybe 2 months and then he got kicked out for not talking to him enough.’
“My older sister lasted maybe 4 months then he flew in a rage and kicked her out too I don’t know all the details.”
“But anyway, he goes through these moments where he’s disappointed nobody talks to him because he ‘has a lot of wisdom to impart'” and everyone is ‘missing their opportunity to know him’.”
“He asks about my siblings, and I started to say Do you need their numbers?”
“Because he wants informatio,n and my siblings do not want him to know about them.”
“He says I’m the grandpa they should call me.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for telling their grandfather they were a bully.
Just about everyone agreed that the behavior of the OP’s grandfather mostly spoke for itself, and if he wanted his situation to change, then he needed someone to tell him the truth:
“NTA.”
“He has been bullying people his entire life and will continue to do so.”
“It’s unlikely he will change at the ripe age of 84.”
“Good that you stood up for your nana – sounds like she needs the support.”- SoulSiren_22
“NTA and your grandpa *IS* a bad person, clearly.”
“Your poor Nana sounds scared of him and I can’t blame her.”- Top-Calligrapher7311
“NTA.”
“Unfortunately, your family is all flying monkeys who help enforce your grandfather’s bullying because slapping people like you down is easier than confronting him.”
“Tell them apologies are indeed due.”
“They should apologize for being cowards and enablers.”- Irish_beast
“NTA.”
“He has been bullying people his entire life and will continue to do so.”
“It’s unlikely he will change at the ripe age of 84.”
“Good that you stood up for your nana – sounds like she needs the support.”- SoulSiren_22
“NTA.”
“He’s a ‘poor me’.”
“He can do no wrong, everything wrong with his life is everyone’s fault but his and he knows better, even if he doesn’t have a clue.”
“Good job.”
“He is a bully.”- ThatsItImOverThis
“NTA.”
“He can change or not, but that doesn’t mean your family needs to put up with his abuse.”
“My family has a person who yells too and while they are not a bad person, their social skills have isolated them and that is their fault. It is hard for people to change.”- HarmonyInBadTaste
“But anyway, he goes through these moments where he’s disappointed nobody talks to him because he ‘has a lot of wisdom to impart’ and everyone is ‘missing their opportunity to know him’.”
“So he isn’t missing his grandkids… he is just sad that nobody wants to listen to him.”
“Don’t apologize, let your parents and aunts and uncles explain to him why their children thinks he is a bad person.”
“NTA.”- Jed08
“NTA.”
“Just truthful.”- Remora2022
“NTA.”
“Your grandfather needs to check himself and seek help.”
“That getting up and taking off his jacket thing.”
“That is aggressive as f*ck, and I would have taken that as a threat.”
“Grampy needs to remember he’s 84, not 6.”
“Dude needs to start controlling his anger.”- SigSauerPower320
“NTA.”
“Call Adult Protective Services.”
“Your Grandmother needs them.”
“The only lessons this man has left to teach your generation of grandkids is ‘What not to be’.”-zgh5002
“So unfortunately, the 1 person who kept my grandpa’s in-law in check, his wife, passed this year.”
“Unlucky for him, I grew up in man 1st culture.”
“The other day I was cleaning up after a gathering, quite tired from it.”
“He came into the area looking for an item.”
“It got moved bc ppl + gathering.”
“Others started helping look for it. welp he got big mad, started throwing kids’ toys everywhere- where his item should have been.”
“It startled everyone but me I locked eyes with him saying ah now you’re going to make my job of cleaning up harder now.. that got him to pause long enough to realize how big mad he was, sm1 found the item.”
“He tried to explain about placement of said item.”
“I told him whoever did move it meant well.”
“And that there are now small kids in the house, so things will not be where you leave them.”
“He calmed.”
“Nodded.”
“NTA, yes, your family needs to come to a discussion about his temperament.”
“When they get that age try working in a redirect or take your grandma to another room to make passive offensive stance.”- heyumaria
“NTA.”
“Your grandmother should have told him years ago that he was driving family away.”
“Maybe she tried but he gave her the same treatment.”
“I’ve seen something similar in my family.”
“A cousin’s husband wasn’t invited to their son’s wedding.”
“Neither son speaks to him anymore and they have suggested to their mother that she should move in with one of them.”
“The father got mad at one son when that one came out and started posting pictures with his boyfriend.”
“The brother decided that he was on his brother’s side so he started avoiding his father.”
“At first, he would answer if his father called or texted, but stopped.”
“Meanwhile, the father says he doesn’t understand why the straight son won’t talk to him.”
“My cousin didn’t help herself when she told him that their sons go to their uncle for advice about financial and tax matters.”
“TLDR; it’s too late to change somebody unless they want to change.”- GaryG7
“NTA.”
“And anyone who gives you a hard time about it is volunteering to go and hang out with him.”
“Let me guess, he acts like he’s doing you a favor by having you set up the phones, right?”- Due-Reflection-1835
It seems that the OP’s grandfather wants to have a relationship with his grandchildren.
A bit surprising, considering the way he treats them whenever they pay a visit.
Perhaps after hearing this sobering truth from the OP, he might begin to change his ways.
A much less likely possibility if the OP apologizes, as some have encouraged her to do.