When it comes to religion, people tend to have very different ideas of what is and is not acceptable behavior, particularly as it pertains to religious activities.
And when a couple with varying levels of religiosity encounters one of these behavioral differences, conflict is likely to arise.
Redditor Depressed-Catnip recently clashed with her boyfriend over her behavior during virtual Bible study, so she turned to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) to see if she was in the wrong.
She asked:
“AITA for drinking alcohol on a video call?”
The original poster (OP) explained her foray into Christianity.
“I live with my Christian boyfriend. I am not particularly religious, but ever since my boyfriend had a “come to Jesus” moment he has been very Christian with his lifestyle.”
“It hasn’t changed much for us except he now goes to church and prayer groups.”
“He has never pressured me into converting to Christianity, but I over the last 2 months I have been debating the idea.”
“Recently the wife of the guy who hosts prayer night has been doing a Bible study with me.”
“Usually I go over to their house, but she just had a baby a week ago and I work at a grocery store so I would rather not bring any illness to her house, although she doesn’t mind and said we could go in person still.”
The OP settled in to virtual Bible study after a hard day at work—with an alcoholic beverage.
“Tonight was a typical night. We Skyped at the regular time, but work was stressful today so before the call I poured myself a glass of Not Your Father’s Root Beer and put 2 scoops of ice cream in it.”
“The root beer was only 5.9% so I didn’t even give it a second thought. I also put it into a glass that isn’t see through so it’s not like the person at the other end even could guess I had a regular root beer float.”
Once her boyfriend figured out what the OP was drinking, he was offended.
“My boyfriend was going to start doing dishes while I was on the call so he took my emptied glass and noticed what it was.”
“The call lasted about 3 hours because we go very in depth. I could tell something was bothering my boyfriend the entire time.”
“He later asked me what I was drinking and when I told him he got a little upset because you aren’t supposed to drink alcohol if you are supposed to be focused on God/the Bible.”
“I told him it was fine and there was no way the lady could even tell what I was drinking. He said it was a very a**hole thing to do anyways.”
“So reddit, AITA?”
The OP later edited her post to add a few more details about her relationship, as well as her boyfriend’s typical thoughts about alcohol consumption.
“Editing this here since its a reoccurring comment. We had a private ceremony with a priest where we basically committed ourselves to each other so we are ‘spiritually wed’.”
“We don’t want legal marriage because I don’t want the government to get involved because if something unforeseen happens I don’t want to spend years going through a messy divorce.”
“Both of our sets of parents are divorced and remarried and it was rough on us to watch how much stress and hatred they now have. We have a written and signed agreement that I get our cat, everything else I can live without.”
“He was literally only upset about the drink because it was during Bible study. He doesn’t care any other time.”
“We know wine is okay by the Bible, but the Bible constantly says God is a jealous God and wants all your attention.”
“I also considered wine to be a special alcohol because it is a ceremony drink. My root beer isn’t.”
Redditors weighed in on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most didn’t see what the big deal was about drinking alcohol—especially other Christians.
“NTA. Are you KIDDING me?”
“I am an elder and a deacon in my church, I serve on several committees, and you better believe I have a glass of wine on my Zoom church calls. So do many of the other participants.”
“The ability to have a glass of wine while at a church meeting is the one redeeming factor of this freakin’ pandemic.”—Grouchy_Salary6788
“I’m a Christian and actually the president of church council. Let’s see:”
- “I’ve drank beer at a Bible study hosted by the pastor.”
- “I’ve been at a Bible study at a bar.”
- “I’ve had a Manhattan that had been mixed by the pastor.”
- “I’ve drank beer on Reformation Sunday at a potluck at the church.”
- “I’ve drank beer, now during virtual Bible studies.”
- “I’ve spoken to the pastor about her favorite type of Japanese-style scotch.”
- “I’ve drank wine at a soup potluck during lent.”
“So, NTA.”—Not_Cleaver
“Fellow Christian here 👋🏻. I’ve had glasses of wine at church events and my best friend and I often have in-depth faith discussions over a gin.”
“Though I’ll admit when I was first ‘born again’ I was very eager and tea-totalled for a while. Then life happened and I loosened up a bit 😬.”
“There’s no harm in having a glass of alcohol while talking to or with God.”—weegmack
They reminded the OP about one of Jesus’ most memorable miracles.
“Jesus turned water into wine, not sweet tea.”—Took-the-Blue-Pill
“NTA considering that Jesus’s first miracle was turning water into wine.”—bamf1701
“This. Hey, Catholics drink wine every Sunday.”—pioroa
“NTA. Jesus’s first miracle was turning water into wine. They drank wine at the Last Supper.”
“Like most religions, traditional Christianity is very suppressive of women. Nip his controlling attitude in the bud.”—Strange-Art9901
Many felt like the boyfriend should mind his own business.
“NTA Jesus doesn’t care you had a beer, he’s just glad you showed up. Tell your bf to have a seat.”—Fun_Abbreviations953
“NTA. It isn’t against Christianity to drink alcohol.”
“You just are supposed to drink in moderation. Absolutely ridiculous thing for your boyfriend to get mad about.”—HailTheCrimsonKing
“NTA. And what kind of logic is this?”
“It’s okay to drink a sexy root beer float except during the 3 hours focused on God/the Bible? Someone better tell the Catholics to stop drinking wine at mass.”
“Not to mention, your bf has no business gatekeeping your business. If he doesn’t want a sexy root beer float gal as a gf, he needs to find another one. Not try to change the one he has.”—Mister_Silk
“Isn’t a huge Christian ritual to drink wine or something? Isn’t that guy famous for having turned water into wine? NTA.”
“I hope your boyfriend’s “come to Jesus” moment doesn’t become a come to becoming abusively controlling moment.”
“But the first red flag is there that it might be so. Be careful.”—serenityrabbit
It sounds like the OP should feel free to practice her faith in whatever way she sees fit, regardless of what her boyfriend thinks.
And if he has a problem with it, then perhaps he’s in store for another “come to Jesus” moment.