People with children can appreciate how difficult it is to find childcare for their children when they need to go to work or make it to an appointment.
But they should never force someone to babysit their child, stated the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor More-Ads-3099 didn’t seem to understand that, however, when he not only expected the family to pitch in to watch his child but to do so without being paid.
When his family spoke up, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was wrong.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for refusing to pay my BIL (brother-in-law) for babysitting my daughter?”
The OP talked his brother-in-law into babysitting his daughter.
“I (34 male) have a 5-year-old daughter. My wife is deceased and my in-laws are my only supporters.”
“Some days ago, I had an appointment with the dentist, and the babysitter who was supposed to watch my daughter called and canceled.”
“I didn’t know what to do, so I called my BIL asking if he was willing to watch his niece until I get back from the appointment.”
“He said he wasn’t sure since he had a couple of tutoring sessions to get done.”
“I told him to skip and dropped my daughter off at his apartment then left.”
His brother-in-law wanted the OP to compensate him.
“When I came back to pick her up in the evening, BIL asked me to pay him for watching my daughter for 4 hours.”
“I was taken aback and asked if he was serious.”
“He reminded me that he had 2 tutoring sessions that he had to cancel last-minute, and since I pushed him to stay with my daughter and watch her, then I need to pay him.”
“I refused and said he was being somewhat greedy and an opportunist to even think sitting his niece would grant him easy money.”
“He said it wasn’t easy money, but time wasted in his very busy schedule.”
“We had an argument and I left with my daughter.”
The argument didn’t end there.
“He called my in-laws who said that he was in the right and I should’ve paid him for his time and be appreciative of his efforts.”
“I told them I didn’t expect him to ask for money but they said it’s what I do with babysitters…”
“Well yes, but he’s family, and the last thing I expect from him is to ask for money for staying with his niece.”
“Besides that, I had an emergency and couldn’t miss the appointment knowing how hard it is to get another one.”
“He’s still insisting on being paid and I keep refusing.”
“At this rate, I think he’s being ridiculous, but I don’t know. It all seems to be a misunderstanding.”
“Say I did pay him, then this would set the precedence for him to keep expecting money every time.”
“AITA for not paying him?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the OP was being ridiculous.
“‘I forced my brother-in-law to cancel two tutoring sessions, losing him money, to make him watch my child. Then, instead of offering to cover the money he lost, I refused because… family = free labor. Even when you inconvenience them.'”
“There, fixed it for you.”
“YTA. If I were him, I’d never sit for you again.” – Connee14
“The conviction with which OP repeatedly enforces his stand of using the family as free babysitters is truly remarkable.”
“How could someone be THIS wrong and not know it?” – mindmypalace
“OP is fully TA but at least in my area dentists are totally slammed to the point where they come to my office to schedule in the hopes of getting an in.”
“OP is more likely trying to squeeze in an appointment for their day off which may be more difficult to pull off. All the more reason they should fairly compensate the BIL.” – GalaxyPatio
“His last line… like he finds it ridiculous that his BIL should get paid every time. And he doesn’t want to set the precedent of paying for services from …family?”
“It’s just his kid’s uncle, but there is no law to support the brother’s title anymore for the OP, so I think the OP actually lost a family member with this bulls**t.”
“He’s just his late wife’s brother, who owes him nothing.” – tepidCourage
“You wrote, ‘I refused and said he was being somewhat greedy and an opportunist to even think sitting his niece would grant him easy money. He said it wasn’t easy money, but time wasted in his very busy schedule.'”
“The grand lack of self-awareness to post this is a masterpiece of assholery. You removed your BIL from a paying situation then had the goddamn nerve to act like he’s trying to gouge you.”
“YTA, and you need to exit your own asshole and pay attention to the needs of others for a change.” – ocooper08
“YTA. He said he couldn’t watch her. You dumped her on him anyway. He had to cancel paid work. He is not trying to profit from you, he is trying to recoup his losses.” – Beautiful-Concern144
“YTA- you lost me when he told you he had to tutor and you told him to skip that. Like what?!?!!
Now, I never charge for babysitting my family but I also would have not tolerated someone telling me to change my plans last minute to accommodate their emergency.” – bellbell28
“YTA. I also love OP’s ‘This would set a precedence for him to keep expecting money every time.'”
“Because I f**king hope so. Just like BIL should be worried that not getting paid would set the precedent that OP demand he takes off work, losing money, every time OP wants a last-minute babysitter.”
“I’d also like to hear from OP why this appointment took precedence over BIL’s job. Sounds like it was a doctor’s appointment of some kind, but unless he is getting dialysis or some other kind of necessary treatment then it was not a big enough emergency to have someone else cancel work. No matter how ‘hard’ it would be to re-schedule.” – TogarSucks
Others assumed the OP had burned a bridge by doing this.
“You forgot to add: ‘My babysitter, who I was going to pay canceled…'”
“OP, YTA in a way you will regret. Now, your BIL won’t be available as a back-up in emergencies in the future, and you will be SOL (s**t out of luck).” – ReluctantVegetarian
“OP is in for a real surprised when they try randomly dropping the kid off again and BIL calls CPS for an abandoned child.” – Silvinis
“Add in a deep apology, and pay him his tutoring rate for the entire 4 hours if you ever expect to have him babysit again.” – MontanaPurpleMtns
“This really makes me think he views his in-laws’ support like, ‘Well, I wouldn’t be in the position of even having to find babysitters or manage my child’s care if YOUR daughter/sister hadn’t died and not fulfilled her duties, so now it’s your responsibility.'”
“Zero empathy for the fact that they’ve also suffered a loss while also having their own lives to manage. I can only imagine how much the in-laws really dislike him and keep quiet for the child’s sake.” – scrapsforfourvel
“My brother is like this. He was considering moving back to our hometown and suggested that I could take care of his infant son.”
“I offered to watch him at a rate that was dramatically less than what he would’ve paid for at a daycare center and was told that I was trying to financially exploit his situation when I should be doing it for free because we’re family. Yeah.” – RhinestoneJuggalo
“I had to laugh at the ‘precedent’ comment about having to pay his BIL. OP doesn’t have to worry about paying his BIL because BIL is never babysitting again.” – beyondbliss
“You wrote, ‘I told him to skip and rudely dropped my child off anyway.'”
“Skip your appointment, skip your job… It’s not his kid. OP keeps saying ‘to spend time with his niece’ like it’s a privilege, or worse like it’s his obligation. He’s not your baby daddy, he has no responsibility to spend time with your kid. YTA.” – NeverIncorrectBanana
“‘I’m afraid if I pay him it’ll set a precedent where he expects to be paid each time.'”
“Don’t sweat it, there won’t be any next time.” – Perspex_Sea
“YTA. If your babysitter hadn’t canceled, you would have been paying anyway. You didn’t ask him to watch her, you demanded it. He missed out on money to do this for you. You’re not somehow entitled to free babysitting just because someone is family.” – mothertothemax
While the OP thought he was totally in the right to keep his dentist appointment and expect his family to watch his daughter at a moment’s notice, the subReddit had other ideas.
They believed the brother-in-law’s work commitments far outweighed an appointment that could be rescheduled, difficult to do so or not, and they also expected the OP to fully compensate his brother-in-law for the work he missed out on, and then some.