The expectations placed on family can be very different than those placed on your average passerby.
Is it fair, though, to hold that sort of altered expectation?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) HuntAble1770 when he came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
He asked:
“AITA? ‘FREE MONEY!’ But my Daughter (26) says it is ‘not enough.”’
Brief introductions.
“I (58 year old Divorced M) own a small condominium that I want to sell.”
“Today, without the involvement of any realtors, I negotiated the sale of the condo to one of my neighbors.”
“My fiancé, because of her professional background, has all the documents necessary to process the sale without the involvement of any realtors.”
The situation at hand.
“My daughter (26), who still lives with my former spouse, is also a Realtor.”
“Although our relationship is fairly rocky at times post divorce, I offered her the opportunity to draw up all the paperwork that we could do for free without her.”
“I offered her 3%, which is the same commission that she would net if she represented me as the seller if the buyers had their own realtor.”
“It is also .5% more than she would make if she was representing only the buyers in the transaction.”
“She got very offended. Accused me of trying to screw her over. She only would agree to do it if I paid her 4%.”
“Remember, everything she could do for us, we can do for free.”
“I am offering her 3% because I love her and I am her Dad.”
“I feel that I should simply stand firm on the 3% or tell her we will do it ourselves.”
OP was left to wonder,
AITA?
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
An expensive lesson.
“NTA.”
“Normally, that 3% involves a lot of work.”
“You offered it for just filling out papers. As you’ve observed, that’s essentially free money you offered her.”
“Since she rejected your offer, just do it yourself. It appears to be a needed life lesson.” ~ extinct_diplodocus
“‘I’m really sorry we offended you, we’re just going to take care of the sale of our condo ourselves and not involve family in business deals moving forward. I hope we can put this behind us.”‘
“OP, you are NTA. Your daughter is insulted by your offer? Pull it. Don’t work with her. Keep your money.” ~ crystallz2000
“NTA”
“Sweet sweet dad, I’m sorry to say your daughter is looking for your money.”
“Honestly, at this point, my parents would’ve said ‘Don’t want it? We will do it'”.
“At 26, she should approach this as an business opportunity, but she is seeing this like a teenager asked to mow (is this how you spell it?) grass.
Move on, let your partner do it, and let your daughter learn an important lesson. ~ Apart-Cry-1482
“NTA,… do it youraelf and tell her if she changes her mind she know where to find you, but the new offer is 2.5 + an apology…..”
“I never haggle when people look a gift horse in the mouth. Unfortunately, your entitled daughter lacks some life lessons still.”
“If she agrees, bump it up to 3%, or if she really really gets it up to 4%.” ~ BeginningAccording96
“While the paperwork is not a fun part of the job, it is the easiest part as you have gotten the client to make a decision (the hard part).”
“Offering 3% IMO was extremely generous.”
“Her counter of 4% was a bit insulting since she did none of the hard parts.”
“I would counteroffer her 2% because, after all, she is family and needs a lesson.”
“If she counters again or reacts negatively, you can go down on the next offer or smile and walk away and save your 3%.”
“I find it truly disheartening to have to teach the family a lesson such as this.” ~ New_Improvement9644
To haggle or not to haggle.
“Negotiation only works when both people want to negotiate.”
“I love to haggle. I choose to shop in certain places because I know they will.”
“If I’m interested in an item from an independent seller but not totally happy with the price, I might test the waters to see if they are willing to negotiate, but if not, I never, ever press it.”
“That’s just rude. Some people set prices they’re willing to negotiate, other people don’t, and the price is the price.” ~ 42DaisyPusher
“I hate haggling.”
“I use Craigslist to sell stuff I don’t need anymore, and I remember when CL was a place where you can find awesome deals, not like today where there are just a bunch of resellers or just greedy people.”
“Anyway… I usually list what I sell at 50% or less than what I originally paid for it, l (plus I usually find good original prices).”
“But all my ads say that I hate to haggle, and each time I have to remind the buyer that the price goes up by ‘x-amount'”.
“It’s hilarious how many love to ‘test the waters’. It’s funny how many assume they can get it back to original price.”
“I got an extra grand for a car I sold as one example.” ~ BeginningAccording96
“NAH,”
“She is trying to haggle, which is also a good experience.”
“You should stand your ground but understand her that that is also a part of the experience on her part and let her know she might lose a good deal if she acts greedy.” ~ Bata600
Not everyone agreed with OP.
“YTA is not an popular opinion, so it seems.”
“Here we pay realtors more then 3%.”
“If she were the responsible realtor, then she would have to go over everything again so that she can give it her seal of approval.”
“!!You are not giving her money, you are asking for her services, and she asks to be paid in return. !!”
“She has all the right in the world to decline the job if you don’t accept her charges.”
“You are just a client in this interaction.” ~ athomeartist
“I’m going to disagree and say YTA.”
“Paying your daughter to do her professional job for your behalf (for half of what she would normally get in a situation where only one side has a realtor) is not free money.”
“It’s paying her half her normal rate to do her job. Just because you’re capable of doing it yourself doesn’t mean you were giving her free money by having her do her job.”
“That attitude itself is so gross that YTA for that on its own.” ~ Different-This-Time
Fair?
“YTA.”
“What you did here is mix family with business.”
“I am presuming that if you went to a realtor with whom you have no connection, you would actually pay more than 3%;”
“The individual handling the transaction would get 3%, and the business would skim the rest off the top.”
“So if you were to approach an individual realtor, you would probably be charged more than 3%, but less than if you went to a larger realty business.”
“So from your daughter’s perspective, she clearly feels that you’re knocking her down from what you would pay a realtor you don’t know because you’re her dad. Which isn’t a nice feeling.”
“You should do the job yourself, or you should hire someone, your daughter or not, for the rate you would normally have to pay, which your daughter seems to think is 4%.”
“What you have done here is tried to negotiate a ‘friends and family’ rate without consulting the friend or family concerned. What would have been appropriate is to ask your daughter what her rate is, and take that as her quote, like any other person you contract out.”
“Setting the rate yourself, a bargain rate for you is attempting to take advantage of your relationship.”
“Friends and family can offer you a reduced rate at their option, but you do not get to decide.”
“Your daughter has told you what her rate is. Accept that or go with someone else (or yourself).” ~ MercuryJellyfish
“NTA – Even if she wasn’t your daughter, you’re the client. She’s the service provider.”
“This is econ 101.”
“The price of a service is dictated by demand.”
“If business is so good for her that she’s too busy to handle it and can command 3%+, then by all means, she’s welcome to ask for it.”
“If her service is so good it warrants the additional percentage, more power to her.”
“If a business is slow and she’s hard up for cash, trying to extort an extra percent through guilt isn’t the way to do it and probably explains why business is slow.”
“There’s a reason they say to never exchange money between family and friends.”
“You can offer it freely with no strings if there isn’t any expectation of return or obligation, but if there’s any dispute, it can lead to friction, and then you’re forced to choose between maintaining the relationship or cutting them off.”
“You didn’t ask for a favor or to do it for free but offered fair market compensation with first right of refusal as a courtesy.”
“She’s free to take it or not. If anyone is the AH, it’s her for getting so offended you felt the need to bring it up here.” ~ Random_Reddit99
A Conclusion!
First, thank you to everyone for your comments and nearly 100% NTA CONSENSUS! Phewf! :).
The comments were split just about 50-50. Half said to stand firm and tell her it is 3% or nothing and let her decide. The other half said to revoke the offer now, move on, and keep the money for myself.
My fiancé and I talked a lot about it, and we went with the first option.
Then, this morning I woke up to a Father’s Day text and her acceptance of the 3%.
Hopefully end of story (or at least this chapter). 😀
The responses really went back and forth on this one, and while we’re not here to judge, remember to be fair in all your dealings whenever possible.