Finding the right school for their child can be an extremely stressful and frustrating endeavor for parents.
Many parents will send their children to their local public school without a second thought, owing to either convenience or necessity.
Some will pay extra for their child to attend private school, some will pay more than they can afford, and others will look for ways to find a scholarship for their child.
Then there are parents who don’t trust any sort of school or fear for their child’s safety and well-being, choosing instead to educate them at home.
The wife of Redditor atmylimitsnow had begun developing very set ideas of how their children should be raised.
Including their education.
While the original poster (OP) was initially supportive of his wife’s ideas, her plans for their education proved to be where he drew the line.
Leading him to take somewhat drastic measures.
Worried that he may have gone too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for signing my kids up for public school behind my wife’s back?”
The OP explained why he felt the need to take the education of his children into his own hands:
“So, I (36 M[ale]) am a dad to 6-year-old twins, and my wife (28 F[emale]) is a stay-at-home mom who has recently gone full crunchy mom mode.”
“She’s all about essential oils, no processed foods, cloth diapers when they were babies, and she’s absolutely against anything mainstream.”
“For the longest time, I didn’t mind because a lot of it is about healthy living, and I want the best for our kids.”
“But things are starting to get way out of control.”
“The latest issue is that my wife is dead set on homeschooling the twins.”
“She’s convinced that public school is ‘toxic’ and that our kids won’t thrive in a system that’s ‘designed to make them little robots’.”
“She even has a few friends in her crunchy mom group who homeschool their kids and she’s been talking nonstop about joining their co-op.”
“I’ve expressed my concerns about this from the beginning.”
“I work full-time and I don’t think she realizes how hard it’s going to be to manage homeschooling two kids at the same time while giving them a proper education.”
“But she won’t hear it.”
“Anytime I bring up public school she shuts it down immediately, saying she doesn’t want the twins to get bullied or that we’ll lose control of what they’re learning.”
“I just don’t think homeschooling is realistic and I can’t see how she’ll keep them on any sort of consistent schedule.”
“I gave her time to prove me wrong over the summer, thinking maybe she’d ease into it and have a plan.”
“Instead, she’s spent most of the time bouncing between different unschooling philosophies and signing them up for random activities with her crunchy mom friends.”
“The kids are constantly bored, and I’ve seen them starting to fall behind.”
“I’m not proud to admit it but I went behind her back and enrolled the twins in public school for the fall.”
“I told her a few weeks before school started, and she absolutely lost it.”
“She accused me of betraying her and said I was undermining her role as a mother.”
“She keeps saying I don’t trust her to raise our kids which isn’t true.”
“I just don’t think she’s prepared to handle homeschooling, and I don’t want the twins to suffer because of it.”
“She spent the whole first week of school trying to make me feel guilty by saying the twins are miserable and that I’ve ruined their childhoods by forcing them into the system.”
“The thing is as far as I can tell the twins actually loved their first week school.”
“They’ve made friends and like their teacher.”
“But my wife keeps insisting they’re just pretending to like it to make me happy.”
“Now, she’s talking about pulling them out mid-year and starting over with her homeschooling plan but I’m putting my foot down.”
“I want the best for my kids, and I honestly think public school is the right choice for them right now.”
“My wife is making me feel like I’m the bad guy for going behind her back and forcing them into something she was so against.”
“Yes the twins are vaccinated.”
“My wife wasn’t so far in the crunchy pipeline back then.”
“Her friends do sometimes make her feel bad about that.”
“I looked into homeschooling and unschooling and did my research.”
“I had hoped my wife had a plan which was why I gave her the summer to figure that out.”
“AITA for enrolling the twins in public school without her consent? Should I have handled it differently? I’m starting to feel really guilty about what this is doing to my wife.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for enrolling his children in public school behind his wife’s back.
Everyone agreed that the OP was thinking in the best interest of his children, while his wife seemed to be only thinking about her wants and needs, with many even questioning the stability of their marriage:
“NTA.”
“I am a homeschooler.”
“I do it because my child was not thriving in public school and was falling behind, so I reluctantly brought him home to teach him one on one.”
“It’s not ideal, but he is progressing.”
“Your wife is not homeschooling because she’s thinking about what the kids want – she is thinking about her own needs and the perceptions of her crunchy mom friends.”
“Does she have curriculum planned for them in each of their major subjects so that they don’t fall behind their age group?”
“Does she have the education and knowledge to teach them appropriately?”
“Are they going to get an education that enables them to be college-ready when the time comes if they choose to attend?”
“Homeschooling is hard if you’re doing it correctly.”
“You have valid reasons for being concerned, and you have just as much say as she does in the way your children are brought up.”- Haunting-Nebula-1685
“NTA.”
“But you’re heading towards a divorce.”
“She’s in a very toxic friend group and you won’t break through.”
“For all of its faults, being an active and engaged parent with the options of a public school system will be better for them.”
“Parental involvement (not helicopter parenting), determines success.”- vt2022cam
“NTA.”
“Your wife was dead set on homeschooling, but it doesn’t seem like she had any actual plans or learning program in place.”
“Keeping kids away from other children isn’t fair either.”
“You don’t just learn math, reading, and science in school, but you also learn social skills and how to interact with all sorts of different people who are from different backgrounds and walks of life.”
“You also learn how to navigate different social situations, which is beneficial even if those situations are negative (i.e. kids being rude, loud, etc…), as it gets them familiar with navigating the different situations they will encounter outside of school as they grow up.”
“It sounds like you tried to discuss your feelings about this multiple times with your wife, but each time she shut the conversation down.”
“You are concerned about your children being isolated in a bubble, and that is valid.”
“Was it wrong to go behind her back and enroll the kids in school despite your wife’s wishes?”
“That’s debatable.”
“You weren’t acting out of malice but out of concern for the well-being of your kids.”
“I’m not sure how else you could have handled this, and you did what you feel is in their best interest, so you are not an AH for that.”- prairiemountainzen
“NTA.”
“She’s already said her idea of ‘homeschooling’ is actually unschooling.”
“That’s a very drastic choice, and she has no right to make that by herself.”
“You’re looking out for your children’s future.”
“If you were certain there’s a curriculum and appropriate activities at the home, then you would probably be on board.”
“But she basically is saying she wants to never introduce your children to any outside influence ever.”
“Look up former unschooled kids on YouTube.”
“They’ll tell you this effed them up.”
“I would be a little concerned how far her identity is only tied with those mom groups and her being a mom.”
“Yes it’s an important part of her – but she’s basically saying she would rather choose brainwashing her kids and to keep living through them than to give them the best tools they need to find themselves and live their lives as they best see fit.”
“This is not a healthy mindset and she may need empathy and compassion to break out of this and find something else to throw herself into, because having kids means having to let go of them, in small ways first and then in a big way, and right now she’s saying she won’t do it, not now, maybe never.”- unluckysupernova
“Give your wife the option of formulating a plan for their education, with specifics.”
“Homeschooling isn’t done willy-nilly.”
“Ask her what activities she has for them to combat the boredom.”
“How is she going to ensure they are learning all they need to learn and more.”
“For now, she should be very engaging with them outside of school hours.”
“I doubt the twins are acting happy to make you happy, especially given this is a brand new experience to them.”
“NTA.”- many_hobbies_gal
All parents have every right to do what they feel is best for their children.
However, the OP’s wife seems only to want to homeschool her children not because she thinks it’s what’s best for them, but because it’s what she wants.
Or worse… because it’s what all her other friends are doing.
Hopefully, the OP and his wife will seriously discuss what is truly best for their children.
Otherwise, it’s safe to assume this won’t be the last thing the OP does behind his wife’s back.