Trying to eat healthy isn’t easy for everybody.
It can be a big problem with age.
Starting new and healthier habits after decades of bad choices can be an uphill battle.
The struggle can often lead to issues with loved ones.
Some people who live with healthier habits don’t have a lot of patience for others who don’t.
Fights over the menu is a real thing.
Redditor RiskUpset4107 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for throwing out my kid’s food?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“When I was a child my mother had no concept of what healthy food is.”
“If it said diet on the box it was ok.”
“She would serve me cereal for breakfast.”
“Dinners were often processed ready-to-eat junk or McDonalds.”
“After-school snacks were cookies and Little Debbie.”
“My mom is obese and I was almost 300 lbs when I graduated high school.”
“It was only after I moved out that I realized how unhealthy I was and it took me years to lose that childhood weight and establish good eating habits.”
“My wife has always had them and was brought up by a family that didn’t trust processed foods.”
“My family and I now follow a whole-food diet for ourselves.”
“My mom had a heart attack and is almost 400 lbs.”
“This is her 3rd heart attack and she wasn’t able to make rent so now she is living with me and recovering at my home.”
“She has been to a nutritionist multiple times for her weight and acts like she is too stupid to understand what they are saying or acts like no one really eats like that or the doctors and nurses are bullying her because of her weight.”
“She has been ordering junk food and takeout on apps like Instant Cart and Uber Eats.”
“She has been feeding my kids the same junk food.”
“Even after I told her to stop.”
“I hear the ring camera go off and my youngest child gets my mom’s latest McDonalds order.”
“My mom got both of my kids a Happy Meal.”
“This was the 3rd time she has done this week.”
“I took my kid’s Happy Meals and tossed them in the trash and poured cleaner on top of them.”
“I told my mom if wants to eat herself to death that’s ok with me but do not kill my children like you almost killed me as a child with this trash.”
“Things got heated because my mom was crying saying she doesn’t know any better and one Happy Meal will not hurt my children.”
“I told her this is the 3rd one this week and if she gives my children junk again she will find herself in a nursing home.”
“My mom cried and cried saying I was mean to her and all the doctors do is bully her.”
“She just wants to live her life.”
“I told her she’s not living her best life she’s eating herself to death.”
“My mom called me a bully and told my children I was a bully and not to act like me in school.”
“I told my mom I’m fed up with her and I’m looking at nursing homes later that week and I’m not having her bring this lifestyle into my home around my children.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Your mother needs mental health help.”
“Get her out of your house.”
“She is sharing her bad habits with your children, and manipulating them when she can’t get her way.” ~ Vicious_Lilliputian
“This is tough, you could try explaining boundaries.”
“10 can understand that.”
“That you set a rule, and Grandma is breaking it on purpose, pretending not to know.”
“You could explain that you are very worried for their health and feel very angry with your mother because she is jeopardizing their health.”
“Regardless, I hope 10 understands that you are not a bully and NTA!” ~ Blank_Chaotic
“Absolutely NTA. If your mom cannot show basic respect for you as a parent by following your expectations and rules on the foods the kids are eating, she should be shown the door.”
“It’s not like you reached this point the first time, you only got there after she repeatedly ignored your wishes.”
“Your mom has a mental health issue.”
“I suspect, and as you note, what she does herself is one thing but plying your kids with fast food three times in a week against their parent’s wishes and claiming to not know any better is just not ok – it’s manipulative and toxic.”
“You aren’t a bully for having rules or expecting them to be followed.”
“It sounds like she is problematic in your home, a negative influence and a huge source of drama, and you should be looking at alternative options for her, as you are.” ~ owls_and_cardinals
“NTA – This ‘Things got heated because my mom was crying saying she didn’t know any better and one Happy Meal will not hurt my children.”
“No, one won’t hurt them but a thousand ones will.”
“And this, ‘I told my mom I’m fed up with her and I’m looking at nursing homes later that week and I’m not having her bring this lifestyle into my home around my children.'”
“Is EXACTLY what you need to do.”
“Your mother has a compulsive eating disorder and is a carrier of it infecting your children.”
“You need to protect the health of your children, and she hasn’t the will or sense to alter her behavior.”
“And she is a danger to all around her.”
“So, putting her into a controlled environment (the last I heard they don’t have a MickyD’s on the premises) will not only help your kids but help her as well.
“Do it!” ~ PumpkinPowerful3292
“NTA and I think you do need to find an alternative place for your mom to live now.”
“You will not be able to stop her from feeding her junk to your kids and she’s doubly crossed the line by telling your kids that you are a bully.”
“Even if she doesn’t feed them directly, they will want it, sneak it, and have her behavior modeled for them.”
“However, I do need to ask if you ever allow your kids to have junk food.”
“I agree it’s an occasional treat but if you never allow them to have it they could develop an unhealthy relationship with food which could cause them to binge when they get older or under eat.” ~ Elizabeth__Sparrow
“Absolutely NTA – your house, your kids, your rules.”
“What was your kids’ reaction to all this?”
“In an age-appropriate way, I’d be honest with them and explain why that food isn’t healthy food and that yes, maybe it can be a sometimes food, but if you eat sometimes food too much, you can get sick like grandma.”
“I feel bad for how intentionally ignorant your mom is being and risking her relationship with her grandkids for McDonald’s.”
“It sounds like she has some mental disorder that’s causing her to blame literally everyone and everything else for her problems and never take responsibility.”
“I’d keep on the track of getting her in a home because I wouldn’t want that attitude rubbing off on my kids.” ~ FrancyCat92
OP came back to chat…
“The older one 10 thinks I’m a bully because he said it’s wrong to bully people overweight in school.”
“That I completely agree with as a former obese child, but I tell him grandma is sick from all the food she ate.”
“It’s a difficult conversation because I don’t want my children to start on good food vs bad food.”
“That brings in other problems.”
Reddit continued…
“Hi, child psychologist here.”
“While you’re right about staying away from labeling foods as good and bad, it’s absolutely fine to discuss healthy, nutritious food versus treat food that tastes good but doesn’t nourish the body.”
“One way you can frame the situation with grandma is that she really needs to be eating nutritious foods to heal her body just like they (your kids) need to be eating nutritious foods in order to grow and develop properly.”
“Remind them that it’s fine to have treated foods on occasion, but three times in a week, where a whole meal is replaced with treated food, is not eating well, and doing that can lead to illness.
“For your older kid, you could even talk about how some people can get addicted to eating only treat food like someone can get addicted to drugs because eating only that kind of food all the time changes the brain to only want that kind of food.”
“Grandma has an addiction to food that is not good for her body, but eating that kind of food constantly makes it more likely she’ll stay sick and maybe have another heart attack.”
“Explain that it’s hard for Grandma to understand why it’s bad to eat that kind of food every day because her brain has convinced her that’s what she needs all the time.”
“It’s because you love her, and love your kids, that you reacted so strongly.”
“What looks like you being mean is actually you demonstrating tough love.”
“Sometimes being harsh is the only way someone can hear you, and Grandma had ignored your other attempts to talk about it and make changes.”
“You aren’t bullying Grandma for her weight, you are upset that she is refusing the doctor’s instructions and not trying to heal her body from sickness, and her diet is a big part of that.”
“You are upset that she is giving you too much treat food, which means not getting enough nutritious food.”
“You are the parent and it’s your job to make sure your kids have what they need.”
“If your kids know that you previously struggled with your weight, remind them that you were once unhealthy because you ate that way, and you’d never want that for them.”
“If they don’t, now is a good time to bring it up.”
“Describe struggling to walk, shortness of breath, congested skin, whatever was true for you.”
“Explain that bodies run on nutritious food like a car runs on gas (if you have gas-powered cars), and without nutritious foods the body doesn’t work well.”
“Explain the differences in how you feel with a nutritious diet versus too much-treated food.”
“Emphasize regularly that it’s about eating well, not about weight.”
“Obviously, this is a lot, so take from this what will work in your situation. Good luck!”
“Oh, and NTA.” ~ DrKittyLovah
“I’ll say NTA.”
“But in the unsolicited advice section – I hope you’re limiting as much of this argument around your kids as you can.”
“I realize your mom is not, and she’s weaponizing them (‘telling them not to act like me).”
“I also hope you’re having a talk with your kids and unpacking this as much as you can.”
“Not sure how old they are, but since they are ‘Happy Meal’ age, this can be pretty difficult.”
“That and… it does feel a little bit like your kids are getting punished unintentionally with Grandma dangling this fun thing and you take it away.”
“I also understand this is your mom’s fault, but kids are getting kinda caught in the crossfire.”
“I mean, at least save off the Happy Meal toys for them.” ~ SoImaRedditUserNow
“While you could’ve handled this more tactfully, definitely NTA.”
“Your children are your responsibility to raise.”
“If you set a boundary, then it should be respected. It wasn’t.”
“Now, there are consequences.”
“You’re doing what you have to do.” ~ TheGoodJeans
“NTA. There’s no reason for your mother to buy junk food for your kids in your own home.”
“If she can’t follow that rule, then indeed, you need to find her another place to live.”
“Clearly, she wants other people to eat the same as her so she can continue claiming her diet is normal.”
“You and your wife know better, so she’s trying to corrupt your kids.” ~ 1962Michael
“NTA. If she has money for doordash, she has money to move out.” ~ Direct_Crab3923
“NTA. She does know better and is choosing to not do better.” ~ ButItSaysOnline
Reddit understands your plight, OP.
It’s hard to take a stand with your parents as an adult.
You’re trying to do what’s best for everybody, especially her.
Hopefully, she come around before it’s too late.
Good luck.