Many people hope that once they leave the house they grew up in, all their parents quirks and problems will no longer be a piece of their lives.
But sometimes that’s a utopia we don’t every get to enjoy.
A recent post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit illustrated that dynamic.
The Original Poster (OP), known austere95 on the site, shared some details right in the title.
“AITA for kicking my dad out of my apartment after he threw out my food?”
OP led with the loaded backstory.
“I [26-year-old female] moved from my parents after I turned 18.”
“My relationship with them, especially my mom, was terrible at the time but over the years we managed to fix it (more or less).”
“I visit them 2-3 times per year and once in a while one of them comes to my place.”
OP went on to share even more.
“Recently it was my dad [51-year-old male] who was visiting me.”
“In my late teens and early twenties I was suffering from an eating disorder (actually one of the reasons why I moved was because my parents didn’t understand it was a real problem).”
“After meeting right psychologist I’m mostly OK.”
Fortunately, now OP is on the upswing.
“I’m trying to eat healthy and actually have lots of fun with preparing meals for myself.”
“My kitchen is always full of vegetables, fruits, sources of healthy fat (like fishes or poultry meat) etc.”
“Nonetheless I’m still getting nervous when I have to eat unhealthy meals for too long (I am working on it).”
But external factors make that difficult.
“For my parents ‘real’ food must be deeply fried with a ton of salt or at least be a fast food.”
“When my dad came to me, the plan was for him to stay a week. He had to make his breakfasts (I work morning shift) but I was going to make dinners and suppers for both of us.”
“Right after seeing my kitchen and then after first meal I cooked for him (I prepared pasta with chicken and zucchini) he started complaining.”
OP’s dad didn’t mince words.
“He said it’s no wonder I look so malnourished if I’m eating this way. I have been maintaining the correct weight for last four years but for him ‘correct weight’ is when somebody is at least slightly chubby.”
“Then he said he wants a ‘real’ food while he is staying in my apartment. I told him where the nearest grocery shop is and that he can buy whatever he wants (I am eating healthy but I don’t really care what does HE eat).”
“I made us supper, he didn’t complain anymore, I decided the problem is solved.”
But that wasn’t the last of it.
“The next day I came back from work and found that he threw out all my food he decided ‘unsuitable’ and instead bought pre-cooked food, tons of red meat and sausages, full bag of sweets and chips and, for some reason, few kilos of potatoes.”
“I started to cry (I don’t earn a lot and big part of my earnings is spend of food), he told me it’s for my own good since evidently ‘I’m still not on my right mind’ (he was referring to my previous ED) and ‘should stop being so fussy and eat like a normal person.’ “
OP wasn’t having that at all.
“I packed all food he bought in bags, carried them and his luggage to the corridor and told him to get out of my house.”
“The train to my hometown leaves every hour or two so I was sure he won’t spend the night at the station.”
“He called me an entitled b**ch but eventually left.”
Then the grapevine took over.
“My dad told the whole family what happened and most of them say I’m overreacting and I’m heartless because I kicked my own father out.”
“My mum told me neither she nor dad will contact me again until I’ll apologize.”
“Taking care of my ED took me few years and even now I’m not fully out of the woods. I don’t want to lost my balance again because of my dad’s thantrums but I also don’t want my parents out of my life.”
“Should I apologize to him? Am I the a**hole?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors supported OP, assuring her there was indeed an a**hole in this story–and it wasn’t her.
Many connected some dots.
“NTA HE was abusive, so you protected yourself.”
“Look at your dad’s behaviour when you want to know why you have an eating disorder.”
” ‘My mum told me neither she nor dad will contact me again until I’ll apologize.’ – Do not do that. HE needs to apologize, not you. But you are better of without these abusive AH anyway.” — wpel_142
“NTA, not in the slightest. If your parents really wanted to help you, they would try to educate themselves about ED, and they had plenty of opportunities in the last 8 years. Also, how dare he *throw* out food that you bought in your home, with your own money.” — Purpleing
“You are NTA. Do not apologize to him…not now, not ever. They are trying to manipulate you and gaslighting you, and it sounds like they have been doing that for much of your life.”
“Feel free to block them, and any other family members, from your phone and social media until they’re ready to apologize. Do not back down. Be strong, OP.” — 1800TurdFerguson
Many suggested OP double down.
“First of all, I am sorry this happened to you.”
“Totally NTA. It’s your own damn house. Those were your groceries and your food. You even told him to go and buy what he wanted to eat. Like, imagine you did this in the house of a friend or even your own parents. How would you think they would react?”
“I just want to add that if they’re doing this to something this small, they’re going to trespass your boundaries and ignore your feelings with bigger stuff. You are not a bi*** for doing what is right for you. If you don’t feel they’re doing a good thing in your life is not wrong to cut contact. Sending you tons of love.” — SophyTin
“NTA at all. That was YOUR food, he had no rights to throw it away. And your family think it’s OK to throw good food away?? Do they even know what happened? Because your dad surely said you asked him to leave because he bought food you didn’t like.”
“If your parents won’t talk to you if you don’t apologize, then that’s good. You don’t need such dismissing people in your life. Just tell the value of the food he threw away to your mother and ask for a refund. Then stop talking to them. You should be the one going NC.” — Vercouine
We wish OP continued success in her journey toward healthy autonomy.