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Mom Livid After Daughters Are Disinvited From A Birthday Party Because They Have Purple Hair

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For those of us who care for a dependent in some way, we’ll inevitably have to stand up for our kids at some point and what makes them happy.

It might even be something as ridiculous as being admitted to a birthday party, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor Ho776JB was furious when another mother told her that her two daughters would not be allowed to attend her daughter’s birthday party… if they didn’t dye their hair first.

Unwilling to sacrifice her girls’ happiness and identities, the Original Poster (OP) decided to do something better than another girl’s birthday party.

She asked the sub:

“AITA for throwing a party for my daughters after they were uninvited?”

The OP’s daughters received a birthday invitation… with a condition.

“My daughters (11 and 10 [both female]) both have purple hair. They love it this way and have been getting it dyed since they were 6 (with caution).”

“They were invited to a little girl’s birthday/Halloween party under the condition they have their hair dyed a natural color.”

“I asked why, and the mother insisted their hair would take away from birthday pictures cause they’d draw attention.”

“I asked if my daughters could just not be in the pictures.”

“She said there’s no way to guarantee that. She said to either dye their hair a ‘normal’ color or they can’t come.”

The OP decided to do something else instead.

“I said fine (this was like October 8th, maybe the 9th).”

“I decided to throw a party for my daughters on Halloween, since they won’t be able to go to that other party and invited her classmates (the girl was in a completely separate class).”

“To clarify, the mother’s invitation came on the 8th, as did the hair dye request. A week later, we RSVPed in the negative.”

“I planned a Halloween party for the same day, October 31st / Halloween.”

“I did not throw a party on some obscure day that happened to be her birthday for the giggles and the pettys, it was a Halloween party ON HALLOWEEN.”

“We had the party: cake, bounce house, candy piñata, and all that cool jazz.”

“I also want to add, that lady is in a completely different tax bracket than me. She had a pony, assorted teas catered, and a wagon ride as well.”

“The party I threw was a Frankenstein bounce house my husband had from a few Halloweens ago, a few piñatas from party city, like $120 of candy, about $100 in snacks, and some basic carnival games (corn hole, balloon darts, sack race), for anyone who might be wondering what the differences between the parties were.”

“The girls had a blast and I posted a few pictures online.”

There was a huge pushback against the OP’s party.

“Apparently, this was the wrong move, because the little girl’s mother saw my post and asked what right I had to steal her daughter’s moment from her.”

“Her daughter saw the pictures and was upset she didn’t get to come to the party, because they didn’t have the things we did.”

“Her mother said I was an a**hole for one-upping her just because my kids couldn’t come to their party.”

“She said that if I really wanted them there, I could’ve just dyed their hair.”


Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some were worried about the OP’s motivations for throwing the party.

“Well, the other mom is an AH because she put her daughter’s birthday in conjunction with Halloween, which makes this whole thing more confusing.”

“(I’m pretty sure a bunch of people didn’t realize this was also a Halloween party?)”

“Also, being a Halloween-ish party, were they not going to be in costumes?”

“I’m going NTA because while it sounds a bit petty, you’re also just making sure your kids don’t feel left out.” – jyl11002

“If both parties were on the same day, then it’s kinda verging on AH/ESH territory.”

“Same day as the girl’s birthday DOES suck but I’m leaning towards NTA still.”

“Actually, no, it’s probably more ESH, because this party wasn’t made until after that and was more likely made in retaliation than to just make her daughters feel better.”

“The other mom making a condition of their invite them changing their hair color was AH-ish but OP planning a Halloween party (which can happen any day also leading up to Halloween) that also just happened to be on the same day as her party, birthday or both, was an AH move.”

“While she ‘upstaged’ the mom she did also hurt a younger girl in the process by the sounds of it.” – TheoryAddict

“OP technically did nothing wrong and the bday girl’s mom was an AH – but this still feels really petty in a dirty kind of way.”

“On some level (albeit probably not all) OP clearly threw this party as an FU to the AH mom. And, I’m sure she felt some joy in sticking it to that lady.”

“But, the bday girl was caught in the crossfire of not being able to go to her friends’ party and having a less fun event.”

“Eh. This isn’t a feel-good petty revenge story.” – Electrical-Date-3951

Others disagreed and said the OP sent her daughters an important message.

“It’s a great lesson in life, to know that you don’t have to sit around feeling bad that you’re not invited to something, you can make things happen for yourself.”

“It doesn’t sound like OP tried to sabotage the other party by inviting exactly the same people.”

“I agree, NTA.” – DrunkOnRedCordial

“Petty? OP threw a party for their daughters to make up for them being unfairly excluded from one. OP didn’t know what the party had or hadn’t – there’s no desire to one-up anyone, just to do right by the girls.”

“That the birthday girl was caught is entirely the making of the other parent. This is a real ‘look what you made me do’ situation on the part of Birthday mom.” – GenderGambler

“OP taught her girls that no one else gets to tell you how to dress/look or judge you on your appearance, and made sure they didn’t miss out on the fun because of a personal choice (the hair) they shouldn’t be judged on.”

“They are in different classes, so it’s not as if they stole guests from the other party. It happened to be ‘better’ which, yes, OP could have gone to town to be spiteful, but OP might also just be throwing the coolest party they know how because their girls were bullied by a grownup.”

“OP is NTA, the birthday girl is also not, only the other parent is the AH.”

“Halloween is also a normal day for a party – it’s not like it was a random Saturday and this other girl’s birthday and OP had a party.”

“Also, how did the birthday girl SEE THE PHOTOS? Is she friends with OP, a random grownup? Sounds like the mum saw them and showed her daughter, upsetting her.” – Elizabeth444444

Some said the other mother was only angry because she wanted more control.

“Having the party was lowkey a part of what the other mom is mad about. That her uninviting them after they declined her entitled request didn’t have them all sad and depressed.”

“She was thinking and hoping that they would ‘suffer’ for not bowing to her request and that they’d be the sad and jealous ones after hearing about her daughter’s party, but they said, ‘Ok we won’t come,’ and went and did their own fun thing.” – Low-Aerie1917

“Seriously, does Birthday Mom also not invite others based on looks?”

“She seems like the type to be like, ‘I know you like Tommy, sweetie, but he can’t come to your party, he’s fat and ginger, he’ll ruin the pictures.'” – TheFastLoris

“The other mom is upset because her daughter got hurt in the stupid games she played with the mom above. That is the true essence here.”

“Her own catty issues hurt her own daughter in the end and she feels entitled to throw that guilt onto this mom above. Mom above (the OP) is NTA.” – TravelGirl2568

While the subReddit could totally get on board with the OP supporting her daughters’ individualities, they were a little concerned about the feud happening between the two mothers.

Some thought the OP created the party under the guise of supporting her daughters, while actually wanting revenge on the other mom. Others thought the party was simply for Halloween and family fun.

Either way, the subReddit agreed that it was unfortunate that the birthday girl got caught in the crossfire, as she wasn’t the one creating the party rules, or even getting to choose which party she’d rather go to at the end of the spooky day.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit