Birthday parties can be a wonderful way for family and friends to celebrate a loved one.
But recently, Redditor Aitanephewgifts learned that they might also be an opportunity to implement some tough love.
The Original Poster (OP) took to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for feedback after she made her ungrateful nephew cry.
She asked,
“AITA for making my nephew cry on his birthday party over some gifts?”
She went on to tell her story.
“My [female age 26] sister [female age 29] has a son Eric, he’s eight years old. I don’t visit a lot, we live away, but I see them (and most of my family) at birthdays and holidays.”
“When I visit I usually buy Eric a toy or some candy, as he’s my only nephew. Tbh I like to spoil him and maybe I am a little bit to blame for what happened too.”
“It was Eric’s birthday this week. I visited them and I brought him a nice car toy, the car was quite big and had lights and stuff.”
“When I got to the party I wished him a happy birthday and handed him the gift.”
“He opened and he loved it, he said “so far this is the best one”, which at the time I thought he was just excited but with what happened later I kinda get the idea it was more malicious intended.”
“Like an hour or so after the party started, when everyone had already arrived, Eric made an announcement to the table in which the adults were sitting.”
“He said that I have won and that I was now the person who he loved the most because my gift was the one he liked the most.”
“I thought it was sweet that he liked it.”
“Then he told to my mom that her gift sucked (she brought him a board game) so he didn’t loved her anymore, he also told one of his friends that next year he won’t be invited because his gift was poor (he gifted him a set of dinosaurs figures).”
“I think this whole thing of ranking the gifts people got them was pretty sh*tty, I expected my sister or her husband to say something, but they didn’t, they just laughed.”
“So I told Eric that he’s not supposed to say that about his gifts, people get them what they can and he should be grateful with it.”
“He said that he doesn’t understand why he has to love people who don’t buy him nice gifts.”
“I genuinely can’t believe my sister is teaching this bullsh*t to her son. His dad told him ’yeah, they should give you all the best’.”
“So I then again told him that a person’s worth is not about how expensive or big the gift they got him was, and that if he thought that way, then I will not be continuing buying him gifts.”
“Eric started to cry, my sister told me off because I made him cry, but most of my family and some of her in-laws were on my side and told them it was bad to teach their kid such thing.”
“Our mom was quite affected, and I wanted to leave too, so we left after that.”
“My sister texted me later to call me an a-hole for leaving before the candles were blown and for telling her child he won’t get any more gifts from me. She said I shouldn’t make empty threats to a child.”
“I said that it’s not empty and it’s not a threat, it’s a promise until they teach their kids some manners.”
The OP was left to wonder.
“Am I wrong for discussing this when my nephew was present? Am l being unreasonable to him since he’s young?”
“And would I be wrong in the future if I keep my promise and do not buy him a gift the next time we see each other? AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA.
“NTA. What he did was incredibly rude and hurtful, especially when he said one of his friends wouldn’t be invited again. I don’t care he is 8- the other kid was probably around the same age.”
“I’m glad you’re not enabling him. It’s great if you buy people gifts- I’m a gift giver- but it’s one way of showing love, and it’s not a reason to be rude if the giver put effort into it.” – FancyPantsDancer
“NTA”
“Discipline, done correctly, is helpful and formative. This is one of those occasions.” – Any-Quantity-1370
“It’s something he needed to hear. His parents treated it like it was a big joke and someone needed to tell him. NTA” – Philip_J_Fry3000
“NTA – your nephew will remember your advice and hopefully be grateful in the future.”
“I would have stayed for the cake, though; he’s still just a kid. It’s a shame his parents didn’t stop his gift ranking. So good that you did! Next year give him a card and $20.” – mjoancg
“NTA.”
“At 8, he should know a little better; how to say thank you as a matter of good manners. This is a parenting fail.”
“And, if it continues, it’s reinforcing a transactional way of thinking about relationships that will be very harmful to him in the long run.”
“This is an issue of age-appropriate expectations. The parents should have taken the child aside and explained it to him.”
“Taking his side, even as a joke, sends the wrong message. Your sister should be apologizing to everyone and working on manners.” – Curious-One4595
“You were nice. My gift would have been coming with me.”
“NTA” – Wrangellite
“NTA, that kid is lacking some discipline and common decency. The fact that the parents are making excuses for it is just awful, and they’re raising an entitled brat.”
“Your nephew has learned a valuable lesson, if he treats people poorly, then there will be consequences. Good on you for teaching him this when his parents could not.” – ZebraCentaur
“INFO: Is your nephew Dudley Dursley? Are his parents named Vernon and Petunia? Have you checked for a gaunt cousin under their stairs?” – MortynMurphy
“NTA. In this case, you didn’t overstep. His parents clearly aren’t teaching him any morals or manners. In fact, quite the opposite.”
“They are raising him to be a monster. Keep your promise. If your nephew approaches you about it, talk with him calmly and explain why.”
“It is possible you can be an influence for good in his life. If he changes his attitude, then resume buying him gifts.” – Asaneth
“NTA.”
“There are some topics where relatives, friends, acquaintances, etc. shouldn’t overstep because it’s none of their business and doesn’t affect them.”
“This isn’t one of them. He’s treating people poorly, making other relatives and peers feel bad about themselves, etc.”
“It would be concerning if you didn’t say anything and ate up the praise from an 8-year-old.” – foreverjen
“NTA. What an appalling thing for him to say. Even at eight, he should know better, and it’s pretty clear who’s been teaching him that nonsense.”
“You responded considerably more calmly than I would have, and I commend you.” – VoyagerVII
“NTA”
“A lack of gratefulness is a sour trait to have, and his parents are clearly teaching him this and enabling this behavior.”
“You addressed this with him in a respectful, age-appropriate way and your sister calling you an a**hole clearly shows she has taught this behavior.”
“You have no obligation to continue buying gifts for a child who hasn’t been taught gratefulness, hopeful this will teach him a lesson that his parents fail to.” – Otherwise_Carob9190
“NTA- you said the right thing, but it should have been the parents who said it. That being said, your problem should be more with the parents than the kid” – signupsthrowaways
“NTA”
“What the hell? Someday this kid will hurt people if he doesn’t get his way with the attitude they’re teaching him.” – semmama
“NTA.”
“dude, I would have grabbed the car and board game, then left with my mom.”
“Your sis and her husband have some nerve to teach their kid this crap, then double down when the entire family and friends are humiliated and call them out.”
“That kid is going to lose a lot of friends and partners because his parents are teaching him it’s okay for him to be so selfish and entitled.”
“He is 8yr. He’s old enough to know that his words can hurt other people no matter their age. Look at what happened to your mom and his friend’s feelings. Hurt all around.”
“Don’t give in until he learns to be more respectful because I doubt anyone kid there will want to go back to his birthday next year.” – Intrepid-Database-15
“NTA. Aunt of the Year!” – owls_and_cardinals
“Man, my sister nearly passed out from shock and embarrassment when my nibling specifically came over to where we were sat to inform me how they liked takeaway from McD’s better because they got a toy…after I’d rocked up with takeaway from elsewhere.”
“I think she said ‘INCORRECT. Tante didn’t have to bring us anything, and we show appreciation rather than being greedy.’”
“Your nephew is a pupae goblin, and you are doing the minimum to illustrate how you won’t tolerate it.”
“Edited for vote: NTA” – Especially-Tired
Hopefully, this young man can learn some manners before he turns 9.