Dynamics in a relationship can often lead to choppy waters.
The truth behind every love story can be played from a different angle.
You just need to be sure everyone’s angles are somewhere in similar degree.
And never discuss relationships during drinking games.
Case in point…
Redditor boatlyfe12 wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for leaving a couples trip in the middle of the night and ‘ruining’ the vibe?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Last weekend was my (26 Μ[ale]) birthday. Me and my G[irl]F[riend] of 2 years Kenzie (26 F[emale]) had plans to get dinner.”
“She came to pick me up from work and her car was packed and my best friend/his wife were in the backseat.”
“To my surprise she planned a whole weekend away to my favorite lake, rented a sick house on the water and invited all our friends.”
“Her sister/husband, my friends/their partner’s and a few of Kenzie’s friends all arrived Thursday night.”
“It was an awesome plan and I was stoked for the weekend.”
“We met thru my best childhood friend Grace (26F).”
“Grace and Kenzie were college friends and I never thought I had a chance.”
“Kenzie is beautiful and while I’m not ugly, I’ve always felt like we weren’t in the same league.”
“No idea how I got her and I still don’t.”
“Thursday night went well.”
“Friday we swam and hung out at the house most of the day.”
“We started drinking and playing games at night.”
“Kenzie’s sister broke out this couples game.”
“Basically you pick one person in the relationship that fits the description or it has prompts to engage in debates between couples.”
“Kenzie was pretty drunk by now because she’s a lightweight and was drinking most of the night.”
“It was fun till a question of ‘What originally attracted you to your partner?'”
“Kenzie blurted out ‘he was safe. And I knew he wouldn’t cheat or leave me.'”
“I looked at her with a face and was like ‘huh.'”
“She then says ‘yeah you seemed nice enough and after my abusive ex I wanted a safer option.'”
“Things got really awkward and her sister quickly read a different card.”
“I was really embarrassed and flustered so I said I had to pee and walked outside.”
“I called Grace to tell her what happened (she was working and couldn’t come) and she got upset.”
“I told her I wanted to leave.”
“She said I didn’t need to take that and she would be there in the morning to get me. “
“The night died down and Kenzie tried talking to me in front of everyone but I told her we’d talk about it another time.”
“I decided to pack my bags and sleep on the couch.”
“And before anyone woke up I left.”
“I texted Kenzie and told her that I didn’t want to fight about what happened and ruin everyones trip.”
“So I was going home for the weekend and we could talk whenever she got home.”
“She blew my phone up all Saturday as did a few of my friends.”
“I decided to go golfing and just turn my phone off.”
“I just didn’t want to talk to anyone.”
“When Kenzie showed up at my place Sunday she was fuming.”
“Saying that me leaving early ruined the whole trip.”
“It was all anyone could talk about.”
“And the whole vibe felt off because the birthday boy was gone.”
“That she felt like crap and I didn’t give her a chance to explain.”
“And she hardly even remembers what she said to begin with.”
“She rented a boat (I love boating) and felt like I disrespected her efforts/money to put together the trip.”
“I told her that I didn’t feel like arguing so I went home to avoid the drama.”
“Some said that it was an AH move to just bail.”
“And I should have stayed because she did put a ton of effort into the trip.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“YTA. This seems like a wild overreaction.”
“She had an abusive ex and thought you were a good guy who would treat her well and value her.”
“What’s the problem?”
“You were waiting to hear that she’s discovered that you’re the 2020s version of Fabio?”
“So, you make a huge scene, likely turn her friends against you, which can do some real long term damage.”
“And they were probably talking the whole weekend about how actually she was wrong about her first impressions and you’re actually a sh**ty guy.”
“I’m not saying you are–but I bet they were.”
“You say in your post…”
“No idea how I got her and I still don’t.”
“Keep this up and she’ll correct that.”
“If that ship hasn’t sailed already.” ~ ElNachoDelFuego
“I love the fact that my husband is ‘safe.'”
“What I mean by ‘safe’ is that I would trust him with my life, and I literally have. He’s got my back and I’ve got his.”
“He’s got integrity, honesty, and what’s important is his word. I know he won’t cheat.”
“I won’t cheat because I will not, in anyway, f**k up what a GREAT relationship I have with an AMAZING man.”
“‘Safe’ to me means security.”
“I did not have an abusive ex, but I did have an abusive mother.”
“My husband has shown me that there are people I can trust, so far mostly just him, but still.”
“‘Safe’ means that I was able to learn a secure attachment style.”
“I can tell him my secrets, my desires, my concerns, even my past traumas.”
“He’ll listen and, most importantly: he won’t throw my past traumas in my face as a means to hurt me.”
“Sure, we have areas in our relationship that we need to work on, but that’s with any relationship.”
“OP, YTA.”
“You have zero idea just how important it is for people who have endured abuse to find ‘safe’ people in their lives.”
“When we say our partners are safe, that is a HUGE compliment.”
“It should be cherished, OP. I’m dead serious.”
“I suggest you apologize to her for over reacting and leaving the weekend that she meticulously planned and paid for.”
“Acknowledge that you took her comments the wrong way and that leaving not only hurt her.”
“But wasted her time and money. It’s obvious she loves you.”
“I honestly have no idea how you could make it up to her.”
“OP, but I suggest you do. At minimum pay her back.” ~ hdmx539
“Or… it could simply mean that based off knowing him he didn’t seem like a guy that would cheat.”
“There are definitely guys who are ‘players’ and chronically cheat and there are guys who are the settle-down time and are looking for a monogamous relationship.”
“She easily could have just been saying that he seemed like type of guy.”
“Clearly she cares for him as she planned this great vacation for him.”
“When her actions demonstrate that she really cares for OP.”
“I don’t understand why you immediately jump to the worst possible interpretation of her words when there is an easily explainable innocent interpretation.”
“Also, if he was that upset he could have used his words.”
“And actually talked with her about it to understand what she means instead of immediately running away.” ~ KarlAnthonyEdwardski
“If this is how OP handles conflict – by not bothering to have a sober conversation before bailing – then Kenzie is better off without him.”
“There are plenty of nice guys who won’t cheat who are also not drama queens. YTA.” ~ Aylauria
“OP apparently thinks that a person could still be running away from their ex after a 2-year relationship.”
“If you’re still in a relationship with someone after 2 years I’m going to be honest there’s a slight possibility that they actually like you dummy.”
“She might not like you anymore but that’s your own damn fault.”
“The biggest issue here is you failed to communicate after the fact. “
“You had your feelings hurt that’s understandable but then you run away and act like a child having a tantrum?”
“F*** that noise. YTA.” ~ dark-_-thoughts
OP came back with updates…
“8am edit: I’ve had some time to cool off and we are finally gonna sit down and talk out in person what happened.”
“I’m gonna get clarity hopefully and see if this is a salvageable relationship.”
“For everyone saying it was just the ‘safe’ comment.”
“I implore you to read the entirety of what she said.”
“Being called ‘safe’ and a ‘safer option’ are two totally different things.”
“Also the ‘seemed nice enough’ comment bothered the hell out of me.”
“She tried to speak to me immediately afterwards in front of everyone while still drunk which is why I didn’t want to talk.”
“Will provide updates when possible.”
Well that is a ton to unpack.
Relationships can be such a struggle.
One of the most important factors can often be the most overlooked…
Is everyone on the same page as to why they are there?
Good luck OP… we’ll be checking back for updates.