We’ve all seen one of those friend groups where someone clearly does not fit in the same way as the others, likely because the others in the group are taking advantage of them for something.
True feelings can become apparent quickly when we can hear how someone talks about their friends in private, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor throwRA_TexasGrace5 was appalled by her friend’s choice to show up at her birthday party, albeit well-dressed, with an offensive tattoo showing.
But based on how the Original Poster (OP) wrote about her friend, it hardly seems they’re at the level to read each other’s minds.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for expecting my friend to cover up her tattoo?”
The OP was recently going through a rift with her best friend.
“Alice is one of my best friends. These past few days, we haven’t been talking because we got into a bit of an argument about something that happened at my 24th birthday party.”
“So my extended family came down from Massachusetts to my party, and I had my whole family there.”
Alice had a tattoo the OP and their loved ones did not appreciate.
“Alice has a tattoo of the rapper Eminem on her leg. It is offensive. It’s from one of his pictures flipping somebody off.”
“Me, my friends, and my family do not like him. He is disgusting, offensive, and problematic.”
“And our friends were shocked she got him tattooed. We thought it was immature and crazy.”
“I guess she has like 25 tattoos, so it’s not as bad as if it were her only one. We all knew she liked him a lot and she always said, ‘He saved me during my childhood,’ whatever that means.”
The OP was not pleased when she was able to see the tattoo during her birthday party.
“Anyways, Alice dressed appropriately at my party, to which I was shocked, because usually, she wears outfits with 100 colors and patterns everywhere.”
“She wore a beautiful dress, but it showed the tattoo. I was shocked. I thought she would at least have the decency to cover it up at a family function.”
“My aunt and cousins were staring at it and later asked me why I’d be friends with somebody like that.”
“I told her afterward how impolite that was, and she just said, ‘Well, you know how I am. And who I am. You didn’t tell me to cover it.'”
“I feel like it should have been implied.”
“Reddit, am I the a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some found the way the OP talked about her best friend to be dripping with malice.
“The way you talk about your so-called ‘best friend’ doesn’t sound is if you see her really as that, especially when you make comments about her traumatic childhood that read, ‘whatever that means.'”
“If you had a certain dress code, including covering up her tattoo, for your party, you had the chance to voice your concerns beforehand and ask her in an appropriate way. You didn’t take that chance but called her out for not foreseeing your wish. YTA.” – Aggravating-Travel34
“OP is most definitely the AH and doesn’t deserve a ‘beautiful’ free spirit best friend like Alice. Hope Alice drops them and all their d**n rules! Sheesh.” – Leading_Manager_2277
“The way it reads, it sounds like Alice is someone OP stays close to because they’re the same blood type and she might need a transplant in the future.” – MedChemist464
“Poor OP is shocked, just SHOCKED, by so many innocuous things, especially their friend’s apparel. I picture them gasping in horror constantly at movie theaters, grocery aisles, public beaches…” – idkanan
“YTA. I don’t think she’s your friend… I think she might be your punching bag! She sounds like somebody I’d much rather be around than you and your friends. If you and your friends are a bunch of judgemental a**holes, she’s probably better off without you.”
“Your standards are not the world’s standards. Most people don’t have any issues with tattoos. The people that have the biggest issue with something on someone else’s body are those who don’t like to not be in control of others. That’s a YOU problem.” – Front_Top_2289
Others pointed out the OP needed to do a better job of having her “best friend’s” back.
“OP, I was thinking it was something very explicit but… Eminem? Really?”
“You could walk down a street or go into a store and see/hear more explicit things than that.”
“I grew up in a family where we weren’t allowed to say shut up or anything remotely like a cuss word and even my family wouldn’t react that strongly to it!”
“The fact that your family asked you why you would be friends with ‘someone like that’ and you didn’t defend her says all we need to know.”
“If y’all are religious/conservative let me say it in a way you’d understand: ‘Judge not, that ye not be judged.'”
“It’s okay not to care for the tattoo but to require her to go through all this because your family is super judgy and isn’t being a good friend. YTA.” – blackbrowblue
“If I were to warn my friend, it would be just that: a warning about my family and their a**hat behavior, and if she wanted to avoid their s**tty comments/looks/questions/pearl clutching. If Alice didn’t care to cover up, that’d be fine by me, and the conversation is over.”
“Should they ask disparaging questions/make inane comments about my friend choice, family would get an earful in support of her: that she can do what she likes with her body and I support her completely and do not care to even bother answering bulls**t questions about who I choose to be friends with, period.”
“I might throw in a comment or two about their audacity to ask questions like that about someone else’s personal choices, how pathetic they are to judge (!SHAME!) a book by its cover and ignore the amazing qualities in someone. But only if those listening are even worth my time.”
“I would have been looking out for Alice because my family is often in d**k mode and she may not want to deal with them. But if she’s comfortable in her own skin (see what I did there?) and elected not to cover up, that’s her prerogative, and I wouldn’t say anything more of it.”
“Except to actually care about things that motivated her tattoo choice, like what sounds like significant difficulties/trauma in childhood. You know: ‘whatever that means’ (sarcastic comment).”
“Yes, OP. You are quite the a**hole. More so when I realized this was ‘one of your best friends.'”
“YTA.” – MamaGhee229
“Imagine being such an awful ‘best friend’ that you don’t know nor care about having needed someone to save their life in childhood.”
“OP, YTA. It sounds like the ones being rude and impolite are you and your family, judging someone else for what they do to their own body.”
“You clearly don’t like this friend if you’re embarrassed by her and disagree with everything she does, from how she dresses (lots of colors?! perish the thought!) to what she has tattooed on her, to her mental well-being. Cut this poor girl free already.” – litfan35
“The OP’s like, ‘She wears too much color, she likes someone I dislike, I don’t get her comments about how this person saved her.’ Op sounds like a conceited AH, to be honest.”
“I wonder how they would react if their friend returned the favor and told them all the things she thought were flaws with their character.”
“It’s also telling that they’d rather force her to hide who she is than tell his own family to mind their own business when judging her.”
“The fact they let their family badmouth an apparently close friend, tells me all I need to know. I wouldn’t have stood for it. The doors over there, leave if you are offended.” – Kittymchaggismuncher
“If you thought your family might get upset over the tattoo, it’s your responsibility to inform your friend about that before the party. Even then, it is up to her if she wants to cover it up. There are no implications here whatsoever. You’re a fool if you think that is implied.”
“I have a conservative family. I am heavily tattooed. I don’t give a f**k if someone doesn’t like my tattoos, but if a friend was concerned, I’d cover up for her, but only if she asked me to. You didn’t ask your friend though, so you can’t really get upset at her here.” – Liss78
Likely hoping for a better rating in another subReddit, the OP also shared this post in the “Am I the Buttface?” (AITB) subReddit.
The post is the same, except they added the word ‘offensive’ to their initial question.
“AITB for wanting my friend to cover up her offensive tattoo?”
The reactions were also startling the same, including a gem like this one:
“Nobody’s going to agree with you, no matter how many times you post this.”
“The way you talk about your ‘best friend’ is soooo hateful. You dismiss Alice because you find her personal struggle and the way she coped with childhood adversity as ‘cringy.'”
“Plenty of kids find solace in ‘offensive’ music, especially Eminem’s. The dude writes about his childhood abuse and how he’s aware he’s f**ked up, and sure, he’s immature and inappropriate, don’t get me wrong… but it’s very affirming for people who went through some s**t to hear him talk about it.”
“And before you go in about him being homophobic/etc., we get it. I’m gay. I know he’s said some s**t. He’s also been a very vocal supporter of the community since like 2009. And he’s obviously learning (and unlearning) a lot as he gets older. I’m not saying he’s perfect, but you’re clearly not even willing to accept that people are complicated?”
“It’s also bothering me that you don’t mention where the tattoo is. If it were on her stomach or something, sure, I’d say it’s a fair assumption that she should cover that… but to expect her to dress like a stagehand at the Vatican simply because you can’t handle a tattoo? That’s absurd.”
“YTB. A big ol’ butthole at that.” – Professional-Bee4686
This seems like one of those friendships that were strung along for a purpose, like when a person keeps someone in their life who they think makes them look more beautiful in comparison, or because one friend has the fun car and is willing to drive.
At the end of the day, those aren’t real friendships and are unfair to the person who is being pulled along. And no matter where the person who did the dragging shared that information, they’d always receive the same rating: YTA or YTB.