As a wedding guest, one wants to enjoy every moment and make the newlyweds feel loved.
Most newlyweds want to make their nuptials a special, unique experience.
But some ideas of uniqueness can feel over the top.
Also, uniqueness can lead to unplanned spending.
This can irritate the guests and put a damper on the festivities.
Redditor tmamir found themselves in a dilemma regarding their friend's wedding travel plans, so they turned to the"Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
They asked:
"AITAH for leaving a wedding reception after the bride and groom had us drive to 4 different locations, over 30 miles, through LA traffic in 100°F heat?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"Hello!"
"We went to a wedding on Saturday, and after the ceremony (which ended around 12), we were all given an address for the reception."
"We got there, and after we all finished eating (salads, chicken/fish), the bride and groom stood up and asked the guests to accompany them to the next location for the rest of the reception, 12 miles away."
"Mind you, we are about 75-100 guests."
"We headed over, where another meal was served, a main course of Mexican food which was ok."
"After we finished eating, again, they stood up and asked us to accompany them to the next location for the rest of the party."
"No dancing, no speeches, we just sat and ate."
"I expected it to be a hall with a dance floor in the same building or something, but no, 8 miles further, taking us into downtown LA."
"By now it’s 4 pm, we’ve paid $12 valet at restaurant 1 and $18 at restaurant 2."
"Some of the guests were a little pissed off, but we all headed out and went."
"Took about 40 minutes to get there in traffic, and it was almost 100F that day."
"We got to restaurant 3; this time desserts were served."
"$20 parking. Same thing."
'They got up and asked us to go to location 4 for the remainder of the evening, and they didn’t say what would be there."
"It was 30 miles away!!!"
"Like 30 further out from the main wedding ceremony, and my home!"
"At that point I’m almost 60 miles away from home."
"I found out later that there was an open bar and a dance floor and that’s where the 'party' was."
"At this point I said my congrats and went home."
"It was already 7 pm, and we were sweaty from the extreme heat, overworked, and exhausted from all the driving."
"I found out yesterday that almost half the guests went home."
"Now I’m wondering if I did the wrong thing by leaving."
"I feel bad that they had to go to the main party without almost half of their guests."
"I also understand that they wanted to do something different and memorable with their wedding, but the driving around was just hectic."
"It felt inconsiderate to have almost 100 guests driving from place to place, in LA traffic, just to eat at each location rather than actually celebrate together."
"And that’s not even thinking about the $50 in valet we spent at the three places."
"I asked, and venue 4 was also $18 valet."
"Maybe I should have just sucked it up, driven the extra 30 miles, and stayed for the actual party. "
"At the same time, it was already 7 pm, and we’d been doing this for basically the entire day."
"I would have just sat on a chair fanning myself with my feet up."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITAH?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"No. NTA."
"Was this communicated with the wedding invite?"
"If not, that’s on them."
"That’s misleading the guests."
"Also, if this is what they really wanted, they should have arranged a shuttle and transportation for all the guests." ~ Jay-Quellin30
"So very LA."
"Hey, let's have an extra 60 cars on the road!"
"Make them park and drive in traffic for the whole day."
"It'll be so quirky!"
"And let's make it a surprise!!!"
"They were trying to save money."
"They screwed their guests and themselves."
"I would've left too." ~ MyldExcitement
"My wife and I would have left after the second venue."
"We don't have time for that crap."
"How horrible for members of the wedding party and family who HAD to go to all those places."
"They obviously care only about themselves."
"I couldn't imagine putting my family through something like that." ~ someguybob
"So I'm guessing if they had any guests from out of town, they probably had booked hotels near their first venue since that's the only one that people knew about, so they then proceeded to drag people at least 30 miles or not significantly more away from that, to a bar for their wedding."
"So instead of being able to take a cheaper Uber, you had people taking a very expensive Uber ride, people saying forget it and trying to drive back drunk, or people who just realized that they can't drink at all at the wedding because this couple is terrible at planning or just hates their guests." ~ scarletnightingale
"Oh, NTA 100%."
"That’s just a d*ck move on their part."
"If you want your guests to go to a bunch of different locations, stop cheaping out and rent a f*cking bus."
"If almost half your guests leave your wedding very early because of the way you planned it, you planned a sh*t wedding." ~ tired-queer
"What poor form."
"To think it would be 'fun' for 100 people, in wedding attire, to go on a scavenger hunt all over LA for their wedding reception in the height of summer."
"This is absolutely tone deaf."
"Don't feel bad."
"Half of the guests were pissed off too."
"The bride and groom's musical chairs wedding wore thin, and that's on them, not you or the other guests who'd had enough."
"I can't imagine that it never once occurred to them how big an ask something like this would be of their guests."
"Of course it did; they just didn't care."
"This doesn't sound fun at all; it sounds like torture. NTA." ~ Nortex_Vortex
"NTA. And when you got to the 60miles away from home, now you’re drinking and need to Uber home and Uber back the next day to collect the car."
"Yeah, absolutely not, don’t feel bad."
"What a weird setup."
"What did they expect?"
"You went to a wedding, not a treasure/food/drink hunt."
"LA traffic is BRUTAL." ~ Immediate_Remote_546
"NTA, I’ll give the couple the benefit of the doubt and assume they thought this would be fun."
"But it’s terrible planning, and they shouldn’t be surprised at all that people bailed."
"Plus having your open bar and final party after 7 pm when the wedding was at noon is a really long day even at one venue."
"And the fact that it was out of the way means people are drinking and driving, so that’s not great."
"I had a friend do a beach ceremony, and then the reception was about 10 miles away in a non-traffic-congested area, but the directions were confusing (pre Google Maps) and about 1/3 of the guests no-showed and/or didn’t come to the reception because they got confused and bailed."
"She cried but didn’t really blame anyone because it was logistically not great and she realized that after the fact." ~ ndiasSF
"My Gods, a progressive wedding/reception?"
"What fresh hell is this?"
"They should have made that clear with the invitations and provided ALL the transportation! Not make guests pay for valet parking at each venue!"
"NTA. That’s the bride and groom." ~ MizPeachyKeen
"NTA - You did absolutely nothing wrong; this is on the bride and groom."
"All guests from the start should have been alerted to what the actual plan of the day was, not a little bit at a time."
"They are inconsiderate of everyone's time and money, especially since you need to drive and valet."
"They should have provided transportation at a bare minimum, but not having a scavenger hunt wedding would have been better."
"You should send this to r/weddingshaming." ~ Riverat627
"NTA. How do they not even inform guests of this type of plan beforehand?"
"I would have left earlier than you did."
"They are AH for making their guests switch venues after each meal course and then again for the rest."
"That's insane." ~ LilBoo2019TR
"Didn’t they have all this info on the invite?"
"I’m not sure I would’ve made it to the surprise third location, let alone the fourth!"
"These people are so tacky."
"What a failure of a wedding."
"They did this to themselves. NTA." ~ BulbasaurRanch
"NTA. We attended a wedding with the reception in DC, and the ceremony in Annapolis."
"We drove ourselves to the reception location, and the bride and groom provided tour buses to carry us all to the ceremony and back."
"THAT’S how you do it." ~ bobhand17123
"NTA. How incredibly inconsiderate of the hosts."
"If 'a movable feast' is the overarching theme of the event, transportation is provided for the guests." ~ PrairieGrrl5263
"Hell no."
"They should have been clear."
"Also, many restaurants are willing to cater."
"And if guests had known about the valet parking, they could have made arrangements to carpool perhaps, if it worked for them."
"This whole arrangement was an expensive di*k move on their part. NTA." ~ West_Course2329
"NTA. Out of curiosity, were any of the guests disabled or elderly because that's such a shi**y thing to do to anyone who might have some mobility issues." ~ ScamperingSnail
Reddit is with you, OP.
That is all just too much to ask.
And they gave no warning?
Absolutely not.
You did you.
Nothing to be upset about.
