It’s really fulfilling to help out someone who is in need or to provide something nice, like a sweet treat or hand-made scarf.
But entitled people have a way of ruining the experience for everyone, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor latinrosechile had been cleaning several of her neighbors’ homes for a while to help them through various difficult times, and the experience brought her joy.
But when one of her neighbors approached her and demanded she provide them her cleaning services, the Original Poster (OP) felt the magic begin to wear off.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my neighbor to f**k off after she demanded I clean her house?”
The OP had been helping a few neighbors out by cleaning for them.
“I am a Latina woman married to an American man, and we live in a small community in Florida where most people are nice and kind to me.”
“For context, I love cleaning. I like trying new products just for fun.”
“A couple of times, I’ve offered to clean other people’s houses, free of charge, just to help them. Among them has been a widow who recently lost her husband of 50 years, a neighbor who had a baby and a three-year-old daughter, and another neighbor who had a car accident.”
“I go to their houses and I clean for them once or twice a week.”
But another neighbor was feeling inappropriately left out.
“A few days ago, I was sitting on my couch when I heard someone knocking on my door. It was odd because we have a doorbell.”
“I opened the door and this lady, around 40 years old, whom I’ve seen just a couple of times said, ‘It took you a while to open the door.'”
“I looked at her like I didn’t understand what she just said and I only mumbled, ‘Huh?'”
“She then asked me in the most entitled tone, ‘I want to know when are you going to clean my house for free.'”
“At this point, I was trying not to laugh and I just asked her, ‘Why would I do that?'”
“She then proceeded to mention all the houses in the neighborhood I’ve cleaned and she wanted to know why I haven’t been to her house yet.”
The conversation took an unexpected turn.
“She then yelled at me (yes, yelled loud enough to make my next-door neighbor come outside to see what was going on).”
“She was yelling at me because I wasn’t replying to her, but I was still trying to process how on earth this woman thought she had the right to come to my house and demand that I clean her house, for free.”
“I just said, ‘I am never going to clean your house. I am not the neighborhood’s maid, I’ve only helped a few people.'”
“She then demanded that I help her.”
“At this point, I had enough, so I just said ‘F**k off,’ and I closed the door.”
The OP later felt conflicted about the incident.
“Later that day when my husband got home, she ran to him and told him I am a rude person and how I yelled at her.”
“When I explained to him what happened, he told me I shouldn’t have talked to her like that and next time I should be nicer.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some could not believe the neighbor’s audacity.
“OP is free to clean and help whoever she wants. How she spends her free time, and who she willingly helps out is no one’s business other than OP’s.”
“The lady that showed up on her doorstep is someone OP did not know, and she had the audacity to expect OP to clean her house for free just because OP does it for others. That is called entitlement and is a completely unrealistic and irrational expectation.”
“And when people start yelling and demanding these entitled and unrealistic expectations, you know what we do? Tell them to f**k off and shut the door, and then carry on with our normal day.”
“NTA.” – min-tea-rose
“She definitely is an angel from above, having a kind hand when in a bad spot, or even just company, is nice. And it can help with motivation too, sometimes you feel hopeless, but you see someone dusting or whatever and it’s easier to pick up a mop or ask how you can help and get into gear.”
“And obviously NTA. I can’t even imagine barrelling into somebody’s house and demanding that they do free work, what the f**k. The neighbor should be hosed down, and the husband is an idiot. H**l, just send the idiot husband to power wash the shrew’s house from the inside.” – masklinn
“OP could stop cleaning for a while and tell everyone, ‘Yeah, I really want to keep helping people, but I’m scared of encouraging that woman who screamed at me before, so I think the only safe thing to do is not clean for anyone anymore.’ It would turn the neighbors against Madame Entitlement.” – LorienLady
“OP seems lovely. I bet that if this neighbor had asked nicely for help in cleaning their house, OP would have probably done it too, or at least given her a bit of help. But their attitude was unbelievably rude.”
“NTA!” – neoalann00
“OP is helping out neighbors in need of the help. This 40-year-old neighbor doesn’t need help, she just thinks that because OP is helping those in need for free, then she’s also entitled to OP cleaning her house for free.”
“That entitled madam deserved to be told to f**k off.” – danigirl3694
Others agreed and appreciated the OP’s chosen way of showing compassion for others.
“She’s building community in a foreign country. She now has three neighbors she has supported during difficult times in their lives, and they will probably have her back if and when she needs them.”
“OP is living life her way and doing everything right. No need to change anything based on one crazy lady who doesn’t matter. Every neighborhood has one, and her husband is probably correct that it’s best to avoid yelling f**k off to someone you’re stuck living near. No is a full sentence.”
“I so appreciate what the OP is doing for her neighbors in need. When I was losing it and spiraling downward with a toddler and a sick baby during a long illness, my BIL (Brother-in-Law) and SIL (Sister-in-Law), though mostly my SIL, came over and cleaned my house from top to bottom.”
“SIL isn’t always the easiest person to get along with, but I saw more of who she really is under the abrasive surface. I’ll never forget or stop valuing that side of her, and over the years it has helped me overlook minor irritations in favor of seeing the whole person for who she is.”
“We aren’t a natural fit personality-wise, but we get along just fine; I know I can count on her if I need her, and I would do the same for her.” – ditchdiggergirl
“I view it as volunteering. Some people volunteer at soup kitchens, some volunteer at animal shelters, and some at libraries.”
“OP likes to volunteer in people’s homes. It’s different because usually the only houses I clean for free (besides my own) are for seniors in my family.”
“But all of the situations she mentioned make sense. The neighbor in a car accident, that’s so kind and helpful.”
“The lady with a new baby? I remember that feeling. Nothing was clean for a good month after I gave birth.”
“The widow? I empathize. My FIL (Father-in-Law) went through a period where he didn’t do any cleaning in his house after his wife (my MIL) died. He needed help. He’s better now. But right after the funeral? He needed help. And we gave it to him.”
“This is OP’s way of spreading kindness.”
“Also, I’m Latina. I fully understand the undertones of racism that could be happening here. But I don’t think all the neighbors view her as the cleaning lady. I think they probably view her as an angel from heaven, and they appreciate her.”
“She definitely shouldn’t clean this neighbor’s house, but that doesn’t mean she should stop cleaning altogether.” – No_So_Average_sister
“She likes to help people. She doesn’t just go cleaning anyone’s house, she’s cleaning people’s houses that are in need of help, and I am sure that these people are very appreciative. At least I hope they are.”
“And maybe this woman has something going on where she needed the help too, but she should have gone about it a better way, not demanding OP come clean her house.”
“I would have told her to f**k off too for her ignorant entitlement. Your husband should have stuck up for you: he’s an AH for not doing so.”
“But you, OP, are a wonderful generous neighbor and not a doormat, so good for you. NTA.” – Frequent_Couple5498
“OP should continue to help those who are appreciative and in need of help IF she wants to. And if she doesn’t want to help someone, she simply doesn’t and has the right not to.”
“I personally don’t even answer my door, especially if I don’t know you. With the doorbell cam, I’m also quick to hang up and quick to record if need be.” – No-Second3806
“I’m absolutely positive she was a godsend to those people. I’ve been in a car accident, and it would’ve been so nice if one of my neighbors offered to clean while I wasn’t able to do much of anything. OP sounds like a kind soul who helps out because she’s just a good person.” – Coffee-Historian-11
The subReddit was full of praise for the OP wanting to help out the neighbors she had who were in need, and they were left shaking their heads over someone who had acted so entitled.
While the OP’s husband thought she should have taken a calmer approach, the subReddit overwhelmingly understood why she’d approached the situation in this manner and why she felt the need to close the door on this conversation, both literally and figuratively.