Making the end of a relationship work is near miraculous.
Exes being friends seems attainable, but often fails miserably.
So when it works that’s great.
So the new partners need not be jealous.
You can’t battle history, and we probably shouldn’t try.
But embracing it can be emotional.
Case in point…
Redditor JinxForASoda wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for refusing to throw away the flowers my ex got me?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“For context; My ex and I still live together with our two kids.”
“Covid shut downs permanently shut down the daycare we used and our only option to provide for the kids was to live together again so I could watch the kids while he works.”
“This hasn’t been an issue for us.”
“On to the actual issue.”
“My ex has been seeing someone for a bit.”
“I mind my own business so I don’t know much about her.”
“I just know that he says they’re not very serious right now and they’re just seeing where things go.”
“Beyond that I’m clueless.”
“Anyway, August 15th was the anniversary of one of the babies my ex and I had lost.”
“On the anniversary of the loss dates for those other babies we struggled to carry to term he buys me flowers.”
“Two red roses for the two kids we have and one white rose for each lost.”
“Mother’s Day and their loss dates are when he buys them.”
“He came home with the flowers the other day and a small stuffed bear he had custom made using the hospital blanket from the birth.”
“However, today I received a message from his partner that she didn’t like him buying me flowers and saying a lot of rude things.”
“It ended with her demanding I throw away the flowers and tell my ex to never buy anymore.”
“I refused and then blocked her.”
“I told my ex what happened and we didn’t talk much before he left for work.”
“He seemed angry, but I don’t know at who.”
“I told my friend, venting because I was really angry, and she says that she sees why his partner would be upset.”
“She claims his partner has the right to demand what she did and insinuated that I only care about the flowers because of the old romantic connection.”
“She says I should throw them away like his partner wants.”
“Am I really in the wrong for not wanting to get rid of them?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“Being jealous of your partner acknowledging their deceased children is super gross behavior.”
“NTA, this girlfriend is out of line.” ~ cookiequeen724
“That clearly is not an option with his new partner, which is not at all your fault nor your responsibility.”
“When it comes to your co-parenting relationship with your ex, as well as how that relationship will affect either of your future partners, you both need to be on the same page.”
“Your approach of minding your own is a healthy one, but your ex needs to view it that way as well.”
“He might, and his current mood could just be the result of the problem in his relationship and how she tried to put you in the middle of it.”
“If he is mad at you though, despite you doing nothing wrong, it’s time to rethink the coparenting relationship and start putting up some boundaries. NTA.” ~ TogarSucks
“This is nuts! If she has a problem with it, she needs to talk to the person buying the flowers.”
“In any case, it’s none of her business.”
“How did she even get your number?”
“You did the right thing by blocking her.” ~ Horror_Tangelo_63033
“NTA, and your friend’s an idiot.”
“If my partner gave his ex flowers as a commemoration of their deceased children I’d think he was lovely and empathetic and be glad I was with a decent human being.” ~ uhaveenteredpwrdrive
“NTA. If his partner has an issue, she should be talking to him like a grown-a** adult, not attacking you.”
“It’s kinda weird territory for a relationship.”
“Dating someone who is living with their ex and the kids and buys flowers – but that’s a them issue and not a you problem.”
“If she wants to set boundaries, she needs to do it with the person she’s actually dating.” ~ KaliTheBlaze
OP came back with more info…
“Update: My ex texted me a little bit ago from work and apologized for not talking to me before work.”
“He said he was just worried he’d misdirect his anger at me if he talked to me, because he was furious and hurt.”
“We’re going to talk about it more when he’s home from work.”
“But he said he broke up with her and that he’s not planning to give her any second chance.”
“The most he said was that he would never stay with someone who disrespected the memory of his children.”
“And who would disrespect him by going behind his back like she did.”
“For now that’s all I know, because he only gets short breaks at work.”
Reddit continued listening…
“NTA. Sorry for your losses.”
“The flowers represent the children you share, both here and passed.”
“Having a new partner does not change that at all.” ~ FloridaPoodleSchool
“NTA. Just because you and your ex are no longer in a romantic relationship, you are in a relationship.”
“You have history including the loss of children.”
“Losing a child is devastating; I speak from experience.”
“A few flowers in remembrancer the children you lost is no one’s business and a sweet way of remembering.”
“It was out of line for her to text you and make demands.”
“She she could have discussed it with your ex and then left it alone.” ~ Murky-Historian-9350
“NTA. If his current is big and bad enough to contact you making absurd demands, why isn’t she bad enough to talk that shit to him?”
“You didn’t buy him flowers, he bought you flowers.”
“Your friend sounds like an idiot and can’t be too close of a friend if she’s making crazy assumptions.”
“I’m sure you’ve told her how you have no interest in him.”
“The ex is either downplaying his current relationship or his current is making it more than it is.” ~ Thart85
OP came back once again…
“Update 2: My ex got home from work this morning and told me what happened.”
“He works with this person so he confronted her at work before they clocked in (they usually would sit in her car before work).”
“He told her that he was angry about what she did, that it was disrespectful to him, to me and to the memory of our children.”
“He reminded her that he explicitly told her that things like that weren’t okay to do and that if she had any issues she should have came to him about them, not me.”
“She said it was disrespectful to her that he would give me flowers and the least he could do was buy her some, too.”
“He said he wasn’t going to buy her flowers when they didn’t lose any children together and explained that the flowers are about the losses we suffered.”
“I guess she doubled down on it.”
“He says he was open to trying to resolve the issue at first.”
“But that she made a comment during the argument about our first two losses ‘not being real losses’ because ‘they were barely even babies anyway.'”
“They were at 15 weeks and 18 weeks, compared to the 30 weeks of our last from what his friend said.”
“Who also works with him and stops in after work each morning.”
“He’s never seen my ex so angry in his life.
“Which is saying something since they’ve been friends for 12 years.”
“He told her that he’d never view the loss of our first two any differently than our last.”
“That she had no right to tell him whether the loss was real or not and that she was being a horrible person.”
“He proceeded to tell her they were done, because he couldn’t be with someone who would disrespect his children, himself or the mother of his children in the way she has.”
“He then told her to stay away from him for the rest of the night at work because he didn’t want to snap out on her.”
“And because he was so angry and had a lot of things he wanted to say but had held in.”
“He says he ignored all her excuses and just reiterated himself that they were over and he would never date someone who disrespected everyone he cares about.
“They haven’t spoken since and he apparently plans on keeping it that way.”
Well OP, it sounds like Reddit and your ex have your back.
Sorry you had to deal with that.
Maybe take a look at that friend of yours who sided with this woman as well.
And sorry for your losses.