It’s a blessing and a curse that we, and most people all over the world, always have a camera on our person thanks to smartphones having cameras built in.
On the plus side, we almost never find ourselves in a moment where we wished we had a camera to capture a moment.
On the other hand, however, this means that all of us are vulnerable to be photographed or recorded at any moment.
Even when we hope and pray nobody’s watching.
Without realizing it, Redditor miniT354345 recorded their ex behaving in a slightly out of character manner.
A video which the original poster (OP)’s ex was less than thrilled to learn they had posted on social media, and demanded they take it down at once.
Something the OP was less than willing to do.
Wondering if they were in the wrong, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to take down a video of my kids father dancing at my brother’s wedding?”
The OP explained how they thought they posted a sweet video of their mother and children to their social media, without noticing the video also captured their ex in a less than flattering condition.
“My children’s dad & I got separated and divorced 2 years ago.”
“We’re on good terms regarding co parenting.”
“And since he’s close to my brother, my brother had invited him to his wedding.”
“Perfectly okay with me since the kids were thrilled to get extra time with dad.”
“I was taking a video of mom and my kids at the wedding and posted it on my insta.”
“Hours later, I get a call from my ex yelling about my camera catching him dancing drunkenly in the background.”
“I said ‘so what?!?!’.”
“He told me he’s getting engaged to his conservative girlfriend soon and if her or her conservative family saw him in this video then there’s gonna be trouble.”
“I thought that was silly.’
‘He demanded that I take it down but I declined.”
“He insisted saying he was ‘technically’ recorded via my camera and he did not consent.”
“I called him ridiculous and refused to take it down.”
“He’s gotten the kids involved now which got me mad and made the argument escalate.”
“Mom is saying I should take it down but I feel like he’s trying to control my social media activity.”
“AITA for refusing?”
“He said that his girlfriend can and WILL see it via the kids since they’re with me on social media.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided on where they believed the OP fell, they generally agreed that the OP was indeed, in the wrong for not taking the video down.
Some felt that the OP’s brother was overreacting, as the OP didn’t intentionally film him to embarrass him, but agreed that if he wanted it taken down, the OP should respect his wishes.
“ESH he had no expectation of privacy at a wedding where between guests and a hired photographer cameras are all over the place.”
‘On the other hand it’s one video, would it really be so terrible for you to remove it or make it private.”
“I think the bigger question and red flag is his reasoning.”
‘I’d take the video down for now but demand a larger conversation around why he’s basically being fake to his ‘new’ family, what does he mean the fiancé and her family are conservative, why would dancing at a wedding be trouble but divorced with kids isn’t?”
“Or is it a problem, does fiancé and her family know his full situation?”
“And what does conservative mean to their lifestyle, will their be an expectations around how the kids have to act or what they can and can’t do at his house once he’s married?”
“Thing they aren’t expected to do or believe now.”
“To me his reason for wanting the video gone raises a lot of questions about future expectations with a step-mom and step-family possibly involved.”- AliceReadsThis
“ESH.”
“This is a weird thing to be stubborn about.”
“Just take the video down, it is not that important to have it posted.”
“However he is definitely TA for involving the kids in an interpersonal conflict between you two.”
“Co-parenting is a difficult navigation and this very thing is a big reason why.”
“I would strongly recommend taking it down and using that as an opportunity to have a serious discussion about this.”
“Both of you need to commit to never put the kids in the middle of your disagreements, particularly ones that have nothing to do with them.”- ragingcal
Others, however, felt the OP was fully at fault, and should have taken the video down the minute their ex asked them to.
“Ask yourself this, is that ‘silly’ video worth destroying your co-parenting relationship with him right now?”
“Because he is absolutely in the right to demand you take it down if he’s featured in it.”
“No one says you have to delete it off your phone, so the memory isn’t gone, but it’s petty of you to insist it should remain online.”
“YTA.”- chriswillar
“YTA I don’t think he actually needs a reason, if someone asks you to take down a pic/video of them then you should, unless you have a good reason to keep it up.”
“I don’t really see what you gain from keeping it up and it clearly hurts him and damages your relationship with the parent of your children.”- thejackalreborn
“YTA.”
“Not for putting the video up, but for not taking it down when he requested it and converting it into an argument.”
“Also for suggesting he’s trying to control your social media.”
“You film someone, that someone doesn’t want that on internet, you take it down, you don’t have to make a fuss about it.”
“It’s not about your social media activity, because as far as the post goes, it not you on the video, it’s about his own boundaries.”
“If anything, it sounds more like you’re trying to get him into troubles and trying to escalate the issue.”- LordNeo
“If he’s in the video, he has a right to ask that you take it off social media.”
“You’re just saying no to be petty.”
“YTA.”- GlitterSparkleDevine
“YTA.”
“Was it necessary to call and yell at you?”
“No.”
“Should you take the video down because he’s in it and doesn’t consent to it being up on the internet?”
“Yes.”
“A simple compromise would be editing the video you post to blur him out of it.”
“You get to share your funny moment, he’s protected, win-win.”
“Controlling your social media” doesn’t apply when you violate someone’s consent.”
“Even for seemingly silly moments.”
“I wouldn’t want people posting videos of my myself or my kids that I didn’t consent to even if it was a family gathering, it was a funny moment etc.”- PrfsrVChaos
“YTA.”
“You might not agree with his reasoning.”
“I also think it’s ridiculous to lie and hide things from your possible future fiancé.”
“But if he doesn’t consent to a picture or video of him being shared publicly then that’s his right.”
‘He would be able to report this to Facebook and ask that they remove it.”
“It was extremely silly of him to consume alcohol at an event where he should have known numerous pictures and videos would be taken and shared to social media if he’s trying to hide that from his girlfriend and that’s on him.’
“I wonder how many other videos he’s in the background of.”
‘However, if someone asks you to remove a picture or video of them from social media you just do it.”- R3M5
Other’s, however, took the OP’s side, agreeing that her ex has no right to say what they can and can’t post on social media, thinking he’s only concerned about what his new girlfriend would think of the video.
“NTA.”
“Is he going to ask everyone who accidentally got him in their videos to delete so that he doesn’t ‘get in trouble’ by his girlfriend or her family?”
“Why is a grown ass man afraid of his girlfriend and her family?”
“Him being in a relationship with a controlling person isn’t your problem.”
“If it’s that serious, he shouldn’t have gotten drunk in the first place.”
“Or he should just probably break up with her if he has to walk on egg shells to be with her or hide his true self.”- bigheadscorpio
A select few offered a few solutions they believed might please both the OP and their ex.
“Repost with a clown over his face.”- Dry-Use8680
“Basically, when it’s small and inconsequential, it’s better for the kids and for you, to avoid friction.”
“I let my ex change times and whatever, I put my foot down only when it’s important, generally, to the child rather than to me.”
“If it’s really important to you to keep the video, just make it friends only or private so your ex’s fiancée can’t see it.”- aghzombies
It seems fairly clear that the OP wasn’t trying to humiliate their ex, as they didn’t even seem to be aware that he was in the video when they recorded it.
But if the video caused their ex embarrassment, be it ever so small, then it would be in their best interest to take it off their social media.
Particularly if they want to keep up the admirably strong co-parenting system they’ve got going.