There are several complications that come with starting a relationship with someone who has children.
Top of that list, is the fear that your partner’s children might not like you, and you’ll find yourself striving for their approval and their acceptance.
One that often goes relatively unnoticed, however, when you question your partner’s parenting style.
Something you might also question if you have any right to an opinion over, not having children yourself.
Redditor ThrowRaBirthdaysong5 seemed to be getting along well with the son of her fiancée.
What frustrated the original poster (OP) more was that her fiancée frequently took his son with them to a place which was a bit less than child friendly, as well as the way they both behaved in these places.
Eventually leading the OP to confront her fiancée about the matter, which he didn’t appreciate one bit.
Wondering if she was in the wrong for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my fiancé that he embarrassed me when he started singing the ‘happy birthday’ song to his 5 yo son at the restaurant?”
The OP explained that she simply couldn’t hide her embarrassment after her fiancé and his son behaved in what she viewed as a less than dignified manner at a fancy restaurant.
“I (30 F[emale]) have been with my fiancé ‘Ned’ (36 M[ale]) for a year and a half.”
“He has a 5yo son with his ex-girlfriend.”
“They don’t have a custody arrangement but he has him most of the week because the mom is currently sick.”
“His son is lovely, but I noticed that Ned takes him everywhere he goes, including places that aren’t child friendly and we have an issue with that now but we’re working on it.”
“His son’s 5th birthday was days ago.”
“Ned took us out to a restaurant to celebrate.”
“The place was nice and looked a bit unfitting for the occasion because it was a somewhat expensive place.”
“Anyways, we ordered food then got the birthday cake which was a surprise to me because I thought we were going to celebrate at home, so we could be free to sing and play however we wanted.”
“I still had no issue with that til Ned started singing the ‘happy birthday song’ to his son.”
“I was stunned I almost drop my plate.”
“He was singing it at the top of his lungs not even looking around or paying attention to how many people staring at us awkwardly.”
“I felt so embarrassed I kept whispering for him to stop but he ignored me.”
“Of course my future stepson was hyped and a little too active which isn’t good when we’re at a public place.”
“I expected the staff, the manager, anyone to get involved and stop him but no one did.”
“In fact some woman came up to us and offered that she ‘help him take a video recording’.”
“I wasn’t in it at all.”
“I froze in my seat looking stunned and a little angry.”
“He looked at me later asking what was wrong.”
“I didn’t say anything except ‘thanks for finally noticing!'”
“He didn’t understand what I meant and I didn’t explain til we were in the car.”
“I flat out told him that he embarrassed me the second he started singing in the restaurant.”
“He looked shocked saying he didn’t get why I would be embarrassed by him celebrating his son’s birthday and cheering him up.”
“I told him we could’ve done this at home when we’d be more comfortable and free.”
“He took it as in I was ashamed of him and his son but I denied it and said that it just felt awkward and embarrassing to maybe because I’ve never been in this situation and also judging from the restaurant we were at.”
“He said that his son’s mom is sick and he’s trying to do all he can to cheer him up and that all families do that and no one had an issue with that except me then when I tried to explain, he got mad and said he no longer felt like talking.”
“We haven’t been speaking since then.”
“It appears he’s still salty about me saying what I said and insinuating that I see him and his son as an embarrassment.”
“I think he’s being too harsh with the whole ignoring me thing instead of talking it out.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP found little sympathy from the Reddit community who agreed that she was pretty clearly the a**hole for the way she spoke to her fiancé.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s fiancé was only trying to give his son a happy birthday, particularly with his mother being sick, with many questioning what kind of step-mother she was going to be.
“Bold of you to assume you’re still getting married.”
“’He has a 5 year old that he takes everywhere and we are working on that problem’.”
“The kid is 5!”
“Sounds like if it were up to you, you’d leave him in the car and crack a window.”
“FFS, you obviously should not be dating someone who has a child because you are way too engrossed in yourself.”- Brnr1980
“It’s not embarrassing to sing Happy Birthday to a child.”
“It is, however, super embarrassing to look pissed off at a person singing happy birthday to a child at the same table as you.”
“The kid is only 5, but you’re the one acting like a child.”
“It’s natural that his dad wants to celebrate with him.”
“Who cares if someone hears him sing?”
“You should be grateful that you have a BF who makes it clear that he loves and wants to celebrate with his little boy.”
“Are you ready to be with someone who has a child?”
“Are you willing to share your BF’s time, focus, and attention with his son?”
“Because the son should be his priority.”- chicagok8
“Unless the restaurant stepped in and said something.”
“I’m going to say YTA.”
“Even at upscale restaurants, I’ve seen people sing happy birthday plenty of times.”
“The only thing that seems odd about this situation is that you did not join in singing.”- SDstartingOut
“He gleefully sang happy birthday to his child, whose mother is sick, while you sat there sulking in your anger.”
“Are you applying to be a evil stepmother by any chance?”
“You prioritize not being embarrassed over a fun moment between a father and his son.”
“The restaurant staff didn’t think it was inappropriate.”
“It doesn’t seem that you are a good match for someone with kids.”
“If it had actually been an issue, the staff would have intervened.”
“Given that the only actual response you got from anyone was unequivocally supportive, I think you’re wildly projecting your own embarrassment at having attention called to you in public, and you need to acknowledge that as your problem instead of taking it out on your partner.”- mm172
“Are there places so upscale that you can’t sing Happy birthday?”
“For my mom’s 80th my brother took her out for $100+ a plate dinner with his kids and they sang happy birthday.”
“The waiter recorded.”
“You need to ease up.”
“Sounds like a beautiful memory that you’re being sour about.”- Sorry-Independent-98
“You sound insufferable.”- Independent_Day985
“Would I be anxious and embarrassed too?”
“But that’s my problem, not theirs.”
“He’s a great dad doing the best for his son in an apparently difficult situation.”
B”tw- as a parent, you tend to take your kids everywhere with you.”
“The thing about 5 year olds is they can’t stay home alone and you can’t just drop them off random places without CPS getting involved.”
“So, yea, if I wanna go to a nicer place, I either take my kids and pray they act right, or I don’t go.
“And by the sounds of it, little man was acting pretty good since you don’t state any actual behavior issues.”
“It would’ve been one thing to say, after the fact, ‘hey, public displays make me a little uncomfortable.”
“Can you warn me next time so I can prepare?'”
“But you were angry and gave the cold shoulder until he noticed you.”
“Damn, it’s not about you at all.”
“Learn to communicate your feelings appropriately.”
“And quit being passive aggressive.”- priapismLPN
“You’re the evil stepmother judging by your tone and everything you have said.”
“Do this kid and his father a favor and find someone as heartless as you.”
“Even the Tin-Man had far more heart than you and he was a cold machine.”- Daligheri
If anyone finds themselves becoming embarrassed by a parent getting excited about their young child’s birthday they might want to question if this is the sort of family arrangement they were hoping for.
Hopefully, the OP will look back on the situation and realize her fiancé was merely enjoying a festive occasion.
Otherwise, one has to wonder if this wedding will actually happen.