Redditor Institutes New 'Five Minute Rule' To Make A Point To Chronically-Late In-Laws

Being late is looked upon by many as a huge sign of disrespect.

Yes, there are times when life intervenes and people are going to be late.

But then there are people who just don't care about time.

This is a major issue for people who hate waiting.

Nobody likes to feel like their time is being wasted.

Redditor jax904dude wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.

They asked:

"AITA for not letting my in-laws continue to be late for everything?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"I have been married for 16 years, and my I[n]-L[aws] have never been on time for anything."

"They are not just a couple of minutes late, but they are usually 20-30 minutes or more late, and they don't ever tell us they are going to be late."

"On Halloween, they were supposed to be here at 6:30 to go trick-or-treating."

"My kids are teens so they already had plans but canceled to spend time with them instead."

"At 7:15 we called and they said they were '5 mins away.'"

"22 minutes later, they arrived without any concerns."

"This inspired a new rule for me."

"I called it the 5-minute rule."

"Basically, if you tell me you're gonna be somewhere at a time and aren't, after 5 minutes I will leave."

"If we are meeting to eat or something, and you're late, we will order and eat without you, we will leave when we finish even if they are just getting there."

"Tonight they had plans to take my kids out for dinner, they said they'd be here at 7."

"We talked at 2 pm and I reminded them of the new rule."

"At 7:05 they weren't here and had not called or anything, so I called them."

"They said they were 10 minutes away."

"I told them to not bother with it, they tried to ask me to give them another chance since they live an hour away, and I said no way and stuck to it."

I feel like they are disrespectful by doing this and that they aren't valuing my time.

The OP was left to wonder:

"AITA?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

"NTA. My stepmom is like this."

"Late to everything."

"We adopted our foster son earlier this year and she tried to tell me the judge would wait for her if she was late. 🙄"

"I told her we would not wait if they were late as that is not how the court works." ~ilikehistoryandtacos

"Late people take this stance because they aren't held accountable."

"Carry on with life and if the door is closed/locked when she arrives so be it."

"They also have to be made to understand that it's extremely disrespectful to the people they're meeting and a reflection of the value they have on them."

"They can't give them the respect enough to be on time. 🙅🏻‍♀️" ~ islandtan11

"NTA. That's inconsiderate AF."

"I have taken a very similar stance with my parents because my mom has no sense of respect for other people's time."

"'Oh well, they'll just have to wait."

"Nope. Not me."

"We celebrated my daughter's 18th birthday an hour away and we were 10 minutes out when my mom texted all excitedly 'We're on our way 😊' I said we are parking."

"See ya when ya get here."

"We had already gotten our food by the time they were there. Tough s**t."

"Should have left when you were asked." ~ MadderHatter32

"We had a birthday party for our 1-year-old that was supposed to be from noon to three, right in his awake window."

"My M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] and B[rother]-I[n]-L[aw] tell us they're leaving sometime after noon and they lived 2.5 hrs away."

"I wanted soooo badly to do cake and presents at the regularly scheduled time and start cleaning up at 3 anyway."

"I didn't, we waited for them then waited for our son to wake up but we were both upset about it."

"They're late for everything, it used to be blamed on my F[ather]-I[n]-L[aw] who was ill and needed extra time, now they blame each other in a weird 'everybody's fault but mine' thing."

"I can't stand it." ~ Fantasy-Bookkeeper

"My in-laws are very similar."

"Often they will tell me a time to expect them, then at the time they're supposed to be here (or even later) they'll send a text that says they're on their way."

"They live ~55 minutes away in zero traffic."

"They have disappointed my kids so many times."

"Eventually I asked my husband to draw some boundaries with his parents about punctuality."

"It has helped some."

"He basically told them that if they're going to make a promise to our kids, they need to keep it or they wouldn't be welcome anymore."

"Then on Halloween, they invited themselves over, I told them dinner was at 5 so we could start trick or treating around sunset."

"Dinner was on the table at 5 and I made a bunch of extras so there would be plenty."

"At 5 they sent me a text that said they were stopped dead in traffic."

"I checked the traffic apps."

"There was no traffic."

"They showed up over 45 minutes late at which point we had eaten without them."

"The food wasn't good anymore and most of it wound up wasted."

"I was so mad, especially because it meant the sun was fully down and we got a late start on trick or treating which is a big deal because my younger children are very young and need to go to bed earlier and it was COLD."

"So basically I think NTA, but I'd be shocked if they actually change their behavior." ~ Netflickingthebean

"NTA. This is an absolutely perfect example of boundary setting."

"My favorite explanation of boundaries is that a boundary is a simple rule: If you do X, then I will do Y. If you don't show up when you said, then I will leave after five minutes."

"The thing is, you can't control other people's behavior, but you can control your own."

"So if they do something that's unacceptable to you, let them know how you will respond in the future, and then do it."

"So not only aren't you an a**hole, but you are a textbook example of how to deal with people who keep messing up your life."

"Good work!" ~ SushiGuacDNA

"In my ethics class in college, a student was always late."

"My professor said when a time is set between two parties, a promise is made between them."

"When one is late, that party has broken a promise."

"That broken promise costs the other party time."

"I choose not to break my promises, so I look at when I'm supposed to be somewhere, subtract travel time, which I pad for traffic snafus, and then subtract the time it will take me to get ready.

"I'm 72 and I'm rarely late." ~ Grammie1439

"Took an assertiveness class years ago."

"Scheduled for 9 am start."

"At 9:10, the speaker asked those of us who were there if we should wait for the latecomers or start without them."

"We all agreed we should wait."

"Speaker said 'That's your first lesson. Your behavior teaches people what you will accept and tolerate. And I won't tolerate lateness, so let's start without them.'"

"Never forgot that tip." ~ After_Host_2501

"My in-laws are always late."

"We have a cottage and boat, on weekends we take the boat to the dunes on the lake and anchor, relax, and party."

"We have let them know that the boat leaves at noon on Saturday."

"They have been late twice this year."

"I let them know that our weekends are to relax after working hard all week."

"My boat leaves the dock at noon with or without them."

"And I do."

"Oh, and the cottage is 100 miles from where we all live."

"Twice this year they were 45 minutes late."

"They call us when they get there asking for us to come back to the dock and get them."

"Nope, we will be back around six."

"Help yourself to the cottage."

"See you at six." ~ Ptb1852

"NTA. If you are going to have this rule work, you have to enforce it and do so religiously, otherwise, they are going to keep telling you 'give us another chance' over and over again and they will never change."

"I have a friend who is like this, and it drives me crazy."

"He has broken promise after promise to call me to tell me when he is going to be late and, like your in-laws, when he does call, he lies about how long it will be."

"And there are times he doesn't even call to say he is canceling."

"It drives me crazy."

"So, yes, you are right when you say they are being disrespectful to you and your family."

"And, yes, you are right to enforce your new rule." ~ bamf1701

"You'll probably get a bunch of replies citing 'cultural differences' but I agree that chronic lateness is really rude."

"It can happen to everyone once in a while, but then they usually call to explain they're going to be late (stuck in traffic, or whatever)."

"But when they know they're consistently disappointing you and inconveniencing you and they just don't care?"

"That's not okay."

"5 minutes isn't a lot of leeway, but it's important to show them that you're serious about the new rule, so it was good to not compromise on it. NTA." ~ EmilyAnne1170

"NTA- I'm been like that my whole life."

"I hate being late and people who are late."

"People need to make sure they leave in enough time not to WASTE my time waiting on them."

"It's very inconsiderate to be late all the time."

"If I say I'm leaving at 7 the car is pulling out at 7."

"I don't care if I'm the only one in it."

"Everyone knows I'm serious and they are not late anymore." ~ mackeyca87

"NTA. My husband and his family are almost always late."

"To anything anytime anywhere."

"I've learned it's best for me and our kids that I stick to the agreed-upon time."

"I'm there at the agreed-upon time, so just start the activity without them."

"They either catch up or miss out."

"It was just getting way too frustrating for myself and my kids."

"Don't worry about their feelings because they certainly don't care about yours!" ~ 792bookcellar

"NTA. If this were a once-off thing, that'd be one thing, but since this is a habit of theirs that they don't seem to be in any hurry to choose, you're within your rights."

"I've got family and friends that live upwards of an hour away and even with the family that lives a lot closer if they tell me that the event start time (meal, Trick or Treating, etc) starts at X time, I will do my best to get there early, especially to account for traffic, weather, and possible roadwork."

"That means looking up the travel time ahead of time and working the best route for me to take on any given day."

"They know that they live an hour away, but don't seem to value your time nor that of your family." ~ Efficient_Wheel_6333

"NTA. I'm glad you stuck by your guns, even when the excuses started to fly."

"Being late once in a while is one thing - stuff happens."

"If only there were some type of device everyone could have that would allow you to let the other party waiting on you know that you were running behind due to an accident or something."

"In some scenarios, it is very annoying having the other party show up 20, 30, 40 minutes late such as if you have a reservation someplace that requires the entire party being present before being able to partake."

"I imagine a few times of them being held to the fire will make them leave earlier so their 'hour-long drive' was not for nothing." ~ EnigmaGuy

"NTA. I would have set that rule many years ago! I did for my husband when we first were married."

"I didn't give 5 minutes."

"If I'm leaving at 7, I'm leaving."

"He missed the car twice and hasn't ever again." ~ threebecomeone

"NTA. I have had that rule for many years... in personal and professional life."

"It is disrespectful."

"It's basically showing zero respect for other people's time." ~ RocknRight

OP, Reddit feels your pain.

You're standing up to be respected.

Your in-laws have a lot to learn.

Some people only learn the hard way.

Good luck.