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39-Year-Old Balks After Friend’s Adult Child They Helped Raise Starts Coming Onto Them

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Sometimes romantic confessions are exciting and can change a life. Other times, they’re surprising and leave someone forced to spell out a clear difference of feelings.

And other times, they’re downright uncomfortable.

A recent post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit explored those dynamics.

The Original Poster (OP), known as Psychological-Sky407 on the forum, laid out some important facts in the post’s title. 

“WIBTA if I told my friend about their child’s (22) attempt to begin a romantic relationship with me (39)?”

OP began with some key backstory.

“The child of a very close friend of mine recently confessed their romantic interest in me. They were unfortunately very serious about this.”

“I was very involved in bringing up this child – almost like an aunt/uncle – so the confession was a huge disappointment.”

“I have been reflecting on my actions these past few days – really just fearful that I have f**ked up in my interactions with the child and permanently twisted them somehow.”

OP didn’t hesitate. 

“I immediately rejected the child and have pretty much cut off all communication and meetings.”

“To their credit, they have reacted fairly maturely to the rejection, but apparently have not ceased their attempt to pursue me.”

And afterward, OP felt sure about the next move.

“I intend to tell my friend about what has transpired because:

  1. “It seems too important to keep a secret. My friend will likely be very hurt if they found out about this themselves.”
  2. I hope that my friend can have a talk with their child and hopefully steer them away.”

But not everyone agreed. 

“My sibling (also very involved in bringing up the child) did not approve of this. They felt that:

  1. “Telling my friend would damage the relationship between us all. I risk damaging the parent-child relationship with this information.”
  2. “This is a mere infatuation and I just have to endure a short while for it to fade.”
  3. “The child is in fact an adult. There is nothing my friend could really do to ‘control’ them. So I will achieve nothing and only end up f**king up our friendship.”

OP closed with a question. 

“WIBTA if I told my best friend about their child’s attempt to begin a romantic relationship with me?”

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

In this case they were deciding if OP would be the a**hole. 

Many Redditors suggested avoiding any further escalation. 

“NTA. I think you have to tell them. They’ll never trust you again if you don’t and they find out anyway.” — Polyamorph

“NTA, I think the possibility of them finding out in any other way would be much more harmful to your relationship. Though I do think it is likely just a crush, ultimately its not unheard of for people to fall for non-family members thrown into a familiar role…”

“…you made the correct choice in rejecting her advances, between the age difference and your placement in a family role would basically eliminate the possibility for you both to be entering a relationship on the same footing.” — DrowBacks

“I think it’s a good idea to tell your friend – with the caveat that you should be careful with how you approach it.”

“Romantically pursuing an aunt/uncle figure is an odd thing to do, and to be honest, my first thought was that somebody else might have groomed this kid to make them think it’s normal.”

“It would be good for both your friend and the kid for your friend to have a heads up, even though one or both of them might end up hating you for it.” — the_lusankya

“You absolutely need to tell your friend, because if they find out some other way they will NEVER trust you again.”

“If you aren’t the one who brings this up, your friend will be the one sitting there horrified wondering if they missed something in your interactions or should have done something else to protect their child, because if you aren’t the one to bring it up they will assume it was intentional.”

“You WNBTA to tell them. In fact, it’s a requirement for this situation if you want to maintain trust.” — jewel7210

A few, though, suggested OP take a second.

“NAH. You’re in a very tough, no-win spot. Personally, I would not tell my friend.”

“Their kid is an adult. Maybe they would laugh about this crush, maybe they would be horrified, or blame you. You have already told their child this is inappropriate, and never going to happen.”

“Keep avoiding them, and if they continued to attempt inappropriate behavior towards you, tell them how offended you are. Like your sister said, with any luck this will pass ASAP.” — StLgogo

“I’m not seeing how this is your friend’s business. Their child is an adult.”

“And yet almost conversely I also worry that them talking to their child would lead to further infatuation. People often continue to pursue others to prove everyone else wrong.”

“How is this person continuing to pursue you if you have gone no contact? I think that affects whether to get others involved.”

“Please don’t feel bad about this. The age difference is still a span where you could fit into the ‘cool fun mature family friend’ instead of automatically another parental figure.”

“It feels odd to you as you’ve always seen them as niece/nephew, but them interpreting their affection as romantic isn’t unusual. They’ll work through it.” — EmpressJainaSolo

And a couple zeroed in on syntax. 

“NTA just stop saying child!” — fatpandasarehot

” ‘this child…the child…its child…’ as you said in #3 it’s not a child, and it’s a bit snarky and patronizing for you to keep referring to them as such”.

“Also, YWBTA if you told on this adult. Romantic rejection is hard, but combining it with humiliation is much worse. Please just let it slide so long as they stop pursuing.” — fkqasebnqb78

OP will be left to review the feedback, but will ultimately have to make their own choice.

Written by Eric Spring

Eric Spring lives in New York City. He has poor vision and cooks a good egg. Most of his money is spent on live music and produce. He usually wears plain, solid color sweatshirts without hoods because he assumes loud patterns make people expect something big. Typically, he'll bypass a handshake and go straight for the hug.