Being friends with a liar is a definite no go for a lot of people because of the inability to fully trust the person. Living with a friend whose lies iinterfere with your love life is even worse.
Especially if you're doing them a favor letting them live with you.
A woman turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback over her reaction to her friend's lies.
DocumentNo9135 asked:
"AITA for kicking my financially struggling friend out of my apartment for interfering with my dating life?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I (26, female) let my friend (26, female), who’s engaged, stay with me because she’s been struggling financially and needed somewhere to stay until she gets back on her feet."
"Her fiancé is also struggling financially right now and is staying with some male friends, so she can’t really live with him at the moment. They’re both trying to get things together, which is why I agreed to let her stay with me."
"A few months ago, a guy who was interested in me asked her about me. She told him I was dating someone, even though she knew I was single and looking. He backed off after that, and she never told me the conversation happened."
I ended up meeting the guy again recently under completely different circumstances. He’s dating someone now, but while we were talking, he mentioned that he thought I had been dating someone back then. I was confused and told him I wasn’t, and that’s when he told me my friend was the one who had said it."
When I confronted her, she said she was looking out for me, but couldn’t really explain what she thought she was protecting me from or why she told him I was unavailable. This is also the second time she’s done something like this."
"I told her she needs to start looking for another place to stay. I’m not putting her out immediately and gave her some time to figure things out, but now she’s saying I’m basically throwing her out over a man."
"I've honestly been feeling bad about asking her to leave because of her situation, but I also feel like I can’t just let this slide. All I’ve really been asking her is why she would tell him that and she still hasn't given me an actual reason."
"AITA?"
Redditors weighed in using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA. You're not 'throwing her out over a man' you're asking her to leave because, more than once now, she's lied. In a way that was detrimental to you."
"Perhaps if she had legitimate, quantifiable concerns about the men in question, it could be forgiven. But if she can't give you a solid, specific reason?? Girl, bye." ~ Scarecrowqueen
"Exactly. Since she's already done this before, there must be more lies that OP doesn't know about. She sounds like she's sabotaging OP under the guise of concern." ~ IceSeeker
"What's her endgame? Prevent OP from bring around people who could recognise her for what she is?" ~ lemon_charlie
"I think she saw the guy as competition for resources. He might eventually move in, and she’d be forced out. Jealousy of OP is possible, too." ~ Alternative-Suit5925
"Some people can't stand for others to be happy or content when they aren't." ~ Jakaal
"She's preventing OP from finding happiness in life so that she has someone to be miserable with. Besides, if OP got into a relationship, the 'friend' might no longer be able to manipulate them like they want..." ~ Smoldervan
"In my opinion, one of two likely things. One, she doesn't want OP to be happier than she is, and she isn't very happy. Particularly if the finances are putting a strain on her relationship."
"Or two, she already knows she's likely to need to stay with OP longer term than she stated, and she's afraid having a boyfriend would make OP want her space back sooner." ~ needsmorecoffee
"Probably to work around getting OP to let her fiancee move in with them. That would be hard to do with a love interest around, or live interest might pressure OP to tell the 'friend' to find someplace else to live and her 'friend' can't have that." ~ Anxious_Opinion7528
"It sounds like either she is jealous or she doesn't want to risk OP kicking her our if OP finds a new partner." ~ Kinuika
"If OP's dating, she'll have less time for roommate and roommate will have to occasionally deal with with someone else crowding her free housing." ~ 1pinksquirrel1scotch
"See, I think she believes that if OP starts dating, then OP will also want her place back to herself. So, she’s trying to sabotage that from happening so she can stay longer. Obviously, that backfired." ~ sixbluehorses
"If OP starts dating someone, they might want to move in together, and there goes her cozy guest room." ~ OniyaMCD
"Probably some dumb case of worrying that when OP dates she will be pushed out of the house... though her actions caused exactly that." ~ cirivere
"NTA. I answered another post here that I really can’t live with a liar.This one’s extra sauce is probably she doesn’t want you dating because it could affect her living situation. Of course, she can’t say that out loud and didn’t think you’d be able to confirm with him." ~ tango421
"She’s sabotaging your love life because if you have a life of your own you wont be available to fix hers." ~ Professional_Deer952
"Letting it slide will set a precedent. What else do you think she’ll try to let slide next time. I’m afraid you might lose control of your social life or life in general. Take care of yourself." ~ tango421
"Now that you know she's a liar, ask yourself how much you can trust her version of events related to her situation? I'm sure it sounds compelling but I'd be suspicious that her role in causing it has been edited out." ~ ProjectJourneyman
"This happened to me, (72, female) 20 years later I bumped into an old nearly boyfriend who told me that a good friend had informed him that I wasn't interested in him. I am sure she wanted him for herself, but he didnt want her."
"I was shocked as was he, we were/are both happily married with children by then. Would it have worked out, who knows?"
"No regrets on my part, though. I love my life and husband. Still, my friend betrayed my trust and so did yours." ~ peacefullife737
"NTA. You’re kicking her out for lying and overstepping boundaries behind your back. What other lies has she told? This girl is toxic and can’t be trusted." ~ Alternative-Suit5925
"#1. She said it cause she wanted to be the only one in a relationship. #2. She wanted you to be at her beck and call and that wouldn't happen if you were seeing someone. Either one is more than enough to justify ending the friendship." ~ Nykki72
"Bingo. OP getting into a relationship jeopardizes the friend's possibly prolonged stay. Also, it's harder to leech off someone if they have a boyfriend/significant other in their ear." ~ broady1247
"Friend? Conniving backstabber, more like. Actively sabotaging OP's life to keep benefitting off them." ~ Ok_Rate361
"NTA. Your 'friend' is looking after herself. She is afraid if you start dating and it gets serious, you or your partner will move in together and she will lose her accommodation."
"Hence why she sabotaged and will continue to sabotage your dating life until she gets her own space. Best to kick her out." ~BiscottiNo6948
"More than likely if she started dated she would want her space back. It can get awkward when new relationships start.
"I think also the fiancé might have a problem with a guy being in the apartment? People are entitled and weird."
"I had a friend who liked me cause I was chronically single; apparently she and her husband were not happy I dared to get into a relationship instead of being her handmaiden." ~gbstermite
"NTA - Why is she acting like a jealous partner. It's good that you're giving her time to figure out her next stay, but I don't blame you for wanting her out if she's messing with your life and not even giving good reasons why." ~ EJArtyArts
"NTA. You are not throwing her out over a man. You are throwing her out for interfering in your life for no good reason and lying to you.When she has her life together, then she can pass her "wisdom" to others!The nerve of her! ~ BelliAmie
"NTA. She didn't want you looking at a relationship and wanting to live with a boyfriend. She lied to protect her living arrangements and hoped you'd never know." ~ UnicornsWanted
"I’m going to go with NTA on this one. She can’t be messing with your dating life without being able to provide a good reason for it, and if she were acting out of concern for you, she would’ve brought it up immediately." ~ Interesting-Client63
OP needs to protect her peace. Having someone who's proven they can't be trusted staying in their home won't do that.
