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Gay Man Stunned After Teen Brother Blames Their Mother’s Illness On His Coming Out

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon/Unsplash

Family isn’t easy.

The older you get the more that becomes apparent.

Blood isn’t always ticker than water.

And that can lead to tragic situations.

Case in point…

Redditor NorthBat5313 wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for telling my brother that it’s his fault that our mom is sick?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (16 M[ale]) have an older brother (20M).”

“2 years ago, before going to college, he came out to our parents as gay, which made our dad to disown him and cut all contact with him.”

“He tried to force our mom to cut contact with him as well, but she refused, which lead to a huge argument between them.”

“After a couple of months of almost daily fights, our parents eventually decided to divorce.”

“Soon after, mom started feeling sick and she was eventually diagnosed with breast cancer in stage 3.”

“Dad was only paying for the alimony and refused to pay for my mom’s treatment as well and my brother obviously couldn’t pay either cause of his college taxes.”

“My mom’s disease progressed and now the doctors estimate that she only has 1, max 1,5 years left to live.”

“My mom accepted her fate, but I honestly started to resent my brother for this, as I don’t see what was the point of him coming out right before going to college in another city.”

“It’s not like our dad would’ve been able to keep track of who’s dating once he moved there and his coming out only caused problems in the long run.”

“My brother told me on the phone that he feels so bad about our mom’s situation and he blames himself for not being able to help her.”

“Which made me tell him that he should blame himself for coming out to our homophobic dad.”

“Which destroyed our parents’ marriage and probably even got our mom sick of cancer due to all the stress caused by the divorce.”

“My brother told me that he was still hoping that our dad would come around and that he wouldn’t have done it if he knew it was gonna cause our parents’ divorce.”

“But I told him that the harm’s already done and it’s his fault that our mom’s sick now.”

“He started crying and told me that I’m a c*nt for thinking that his sexual orientation is what caused our mom’s cancer and then hung up on me.”

“But honestly, if he hadn’t come out, our parents wouldn’t have divorced and even if mom would’ve still gotten cancer in this case, at least dad would’ve been there to pay for her treatment.”

“And thus he might’ve still been able to save her.”

“So I really think my brother should’ve postponed his coming out for a couple more years at the very least.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“My brother’s gay gave my mom cancer.”

“Are you f*cking serious?”

“You not just an a**hole you’re THE a**hole!!”   ~ seithe-narciss

“Absolutely zero sympathy for OP after what he did to his brother.”

“The only person I feel bad for is the gay son who has the weight of the world on his shoulders on top of his toxic father and brother.”  ~ Eltoshen

“Even if OP believed that his brother coming out somehow ’caused cancer,’ wouldn’t the logical leap be that his Dad’s homophobic, aggressive, unrelenting, and cruel reaction be what pushed OP’s mother over the edge?”

“Like, even if I suspended disbelief to get to the point where the brother coming out somehow resulted in their mother’s health issues.”

“OP’s father is the one who created a high stress, unsustainable environment for the family and is the one who refused to help financially support any treatment.”

“If OP is looking for someone to focus his anger on, his Dad is an obvious target.”

“Blaming his brother just seems like maybe Dad’s homophobia has rubbed off on OP.”

“Because unlike cancer, homophobia can actually be ‘caught’ by living in an extremely homophobic environment.”  ~ El_Ren

“Few things… He is formatting numbers as 1,5 which is a European notation.”

“I’m in the US and even we would have Medicare if she couldn’t afford it.”

“Wouldn’t European health care pay for treatment?”

“I feel like the issue is more stage 3 than money.”

“Am I making leaps? Yeah, but that’s what we do here right??”

“Also, blame dad for not paying.”

“My neighbors are older, and are 3rd marriages for each other.”

“The husband had amicable divorces his 1st wife gave his current wife his number.”

“Anyways, his 2nd wife died of bowel cancer because she couldn’t afford the tests and only found it at stage 4.”

“They were way past alimony or anything, but whenever she comes up (they had a daughter together) he just says over and over that he would have paid for tests if she let him know (colonoscopy).”

“Dad is TA here. A million times over.”

“He doesn’t care about his son(s) having a mother.”  ~ msharek

“Yeah, this post is like the epitome of ‘everything is clear with hindsight.'”

“Like, sure, if the brother knew that him coming out would implode his parent’s relationship, he probably wouldn’t have come out when he did.”

“Especially if he knew his mom was going to develop cancer and be left on her own with literally zero support.”

“But with no way of knowing at the time, he made the best decision he could for himself.”

“Dad is definitely the biggest AH in this story.”

“OP is not very far behind.”

“Kudos to mama for sticking up for her son as much as she could!”  ~ Frejian

“And both OP and the dad know that being gay cannot cause another person to be ill.”

“Unless it’s a heart attack and they are shocked by the reveal but even then, it’s not their fault.”

“OP is just looking for someone to blame for the unfortunate events and just happened to find the innocent brother who did nothing but exist.”

“Totally TA.”  ~ Goddess-Ylvia

Ugh. I see a lot of ppl saying this but- we can be better than our parents and I see that in kids everyday.

“OP says crap like this because he actually believes it.”

“He is the AH.”

“A legitimate church doesn’t teach you that being gay makes people sick.”

“Only creepy backa**wards fundamentalist offshoots do.”

“OP is lashing out at his brother and even admits he didn’t used to believe this- but instead of working it out with a therapist- he’s turned it into hate against his brother.”

“OP needs serious mental help to cope with his grieving- but he’s also a AH.”   ~ EllasEnchanting

“Like he villanized his brother? F**k that. Where is HIS compassion?”

“As a gay person I am so tired of hearing that I have to be kind.”

“And understanding to people who despise my very existence and not a day in their life have given any level of human respect, or decency and understanding to me.”

“Imagine blaming someone’s gayness on the reason their mum’s dying of cancer.”

“Something is seriously wrong with anyone who can be so devoid of empathy, especially for their own brother.”

“If OP is anything like his Dad it’s no wonder the mother wanted a divorce.”

“I’m surprised she lasted as long as she did.”  ~ Delicious-Zone-6675

“This is actually worse than the father’s homophobic abandonment.”

“You’re literally blaming the victim for something he had no part in, cancer isn’t caused by someone coming out.”

“Not sure if you’re smart enough to know that.”

“And guess what.”

“If your dad ditched your mom over her refusing to abandon her own child, he’s cruel enough to have left her while she was sick too.”

“I get your devastated that you’re going to lose your mom.”

“But it would’ve happened either way.”

“And if your father had remained he sounds like the you’re who would’ve been cruel to her while she was sick.”

“Either way, you’re looking for someone to blame and since you know deep down your father doesn’t care, you’re lashing out at the only one who does, your brother.”

“YTA there are moments in this life that will decide what kind of person history remembers you as.”

“When you have to choose between what’s right and what’s easy, cowards choose what’s easy.”  ~ randomusername71175


“Stress doesn’t cause stage 3 cancer.”

“That is a delusional thought process, and it seems you might be just as homophobic as your father.”

“I really hope you seek psychiatric help, because that is an absolutely horrific thing to put on your brother’s conscience.”  ~ doobtown

This is such a heartbreaking tale.

Being shunned from one’s family just for being their true self is hard enough, but losing a loving parent at the same time… there are no right words.

And according to Reddit OP is full of all the wrong words.

Hopefully this family can come together and make peace in time.