Taking vacations is always costly, especially when hidden expenses add up fast, but that shouldn’t deter one from taking time off for a getaway now and then.
But first things first… You have to have the financial means to afford a trip. A guy who recently started dating a woman with a 12-year-old son faced drama centered on an upcoming travel plan.
So they visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor triplebogeyking asked:
“AITA for telling my girlfriend to pay for her own vacation?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My 37 (M[ale]) girlfriend (35 f[female]) had a vacation planned to the Bahamas with her son (12) before we even started dating.”
“Before they left, I basically paid for the hotel and the car rental and even had to pay for their flights since there was a change on the date.”
“Now, I have no issues with the vacation at all since, of course, it was planned before we got together, and I would never try and come between a mother and her kid.”
The OP continued:
“She had supposedly been planning this for over a year. Right before they left, she told me that she needed to borrow 2,500 for the trip.”
“I told her I didn’t have it to give to her as I still have my mortgage to pay and my own kids to take care of. All in all I’ve already paid for about 5k of the trip.”
“I told her that if she couldn’t afford the trip then she really shouldn’t be going. Of course, she got mad, and they left, and I haven’t heard from her since.”
“I’ve seen posts on social media, but no contact at all between us. Of course, friends are telling me I was too hard on her and that what I said was mean. AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“What exactly did she plan for? The hotel (you paid)? The car rental (you paid)? The flights (you paid)?”
“So far YOU have paid for HER ‘planned’ vacation and she has the nerve to want $2500.00 MORE for her food and entertainment? You got scammed by a grifter.”
“NTA”
“P.S. – You have some sh*tty friends.” – ejdjd
The OP added some context.
“She basically pre paid for the excursions and stuff they’ll do while out there. I’ve never gone through a travel agent but apparently you can book excursions and outings before you even have a way out there.”
Reddit continued to weigh in.
“She didn’t plan a trip, she planned to find a guy to pay for a trip. Bamboozling of the highest order! And looking at the comments, I don’t think OP understands yet that his function was not ‘boyfriend,’ it was ‘wallet.’ Sad.” – Elesia
“Ask yourself…Who pays for ‘excursions’ for a destination without having confirmed flights or hotel reservations for that destination?”
“Answer: No One. Flights get booked up (affordable ones) or hotels are full (possibly due to a conference or convention). Dates have to change for work issues. That’s why No One plans ‘excursions’ until these are booked first. You Got Played.” – dekage55
“Major red flag dude. To be clear, for your understanding of the situation, she wasn’t ‘planning’ a trip since before you were dating. She had the idea in place for a trip with her kid. A plan indicates that she’s taking the necessary steps to make the idea of a trip a reality which she clearly wasn’t if she didn’t even book the essentials.”
“She decided to put the cart before the horse and book activities without booking the trip itself. Seems like once she knew you’d bankroll her, the plan started falling into place for her. Don’t let her tell you any different. Sorry, bud, but you’ve been taken in this situation.”
“Take care of yourself and your own kids and cut this chick out. It sounds extreme, but this is major red flag behavior. Finances are one of the biggest causes of division in relationships and she’s clearly showing major financial irresponsibility. It’s not even worth putting yourself in a hole to try to make this work.” – MrMastaCow
“So you paid for their entire vacation, and she treated herself and her son to a couple of days out while they were away.”
“You didn’t even join them on this vacation, so – and pardon my confusion if I’m missing something here – why did you pay for it at all? For flights, hotel, etc.? You say she planned it before you were together, but . . . if that’s the case, how was she originally planning to pay for it? And why did that change just because she started dating you? You’re her boyfriend, not a walking wallet. Or . . . are you?”
“I’m sorry, but I’m 50 years old, so neither young nor clueless in general, but I’m genuinely not understanding why your GF not only expected you to pay for her and her son to go on a Caribbean vacation without you but demanded thousands of dollars in incidental cash on top of that; and I definitely don’t understand why you went along with it.”
“Unless your friends are all sugar daddies/sugar babies, for whom ‘dating’ is a financial transaction, none of this makes any sense at all.” – Sorry_I_Guess
“Who plans for a trip by paying for refundable excursions?!! The first you do in planning is secure hotel and flight. Yeah, she played you. And uses her fingers to post on social media about it instead of communicating with you or showing appreciation.”
“Not even sure how you figure how you told her to pay for the vacation when you paid for everything except for food and excursions… $2500 at that is wild. And you still even call her your girlfriend which is even more wild.”
“You should be the one cutting her off not the other way around. She treats you like this because you’re allowing it and teaching her son along the way.”
“If she ever reaches out to you again in life, it’s to use you. What you do with that information is up to you.”
“May the odds be forever in your favor.” – Maleficent_Lure_1226
“NTA. You already paid a substantial amount for a trip that wasn’t even planned with you in mind, and it’s completely reasonable to set boundaries when it comes to finances. Relationships shouldn’t involve one person carrying the full financial burden, and $5k is already a generous contribution.”
“If she can’t afford the rest of the trip, that’s something she needed to plan for herself, especially since this vacation was supposed to be her responsibility from the start.” – StonkPhilia
“I believe you have been scammed. Your post is quite difficult to understand too. How could she have planned things in advance but you paid for it? If your post is real you were taken for a fool and when you realized it she left.” – The_Naxian_
“I don’t understand why you paid 5k in the first place, for a trip you weren’t going on. At what point did she say she has planned a trip, can’t afford it and could you pay, please?”
“You are generous and kind but it seems you have been taken advantage of. Cut your losses and save for a great holiday with your own kids.” – PunderandLightnin
“That story is cringe. There is no human element to it other than your kindness and generosity. She wants you to put your mortgage at stake for her pipe dream trip that you have already funded. You don’t need a 12 step program to tell you what you need to do here.”
“This situation is never going to get any better than it is now. Now think about that for a second and no longer.” – DA-DJ
“NTA, you already paid a good amount for the trip, and she wanted to borrow 2500? Also want you said wasn’t mean it was pretty decent advice. My thought, though, is, what were her plans if you didn’t start dating her? How would she be able to afford this trip she’s been planning for a year or more? You were right you don’t have the money bills come first.” – amaerau03
“NTA… You already paid $5000 more than I would have seen how she planned it before you guys got together into me. This just reads like she’s trying to get a bunch of money out of you to have a vacation…” – HateKilledTheDinos
“NTA”
“Dude, you need better friends. If you can’t afford what looks like $7K+ vacation, you don’t go. You organize a trip that fits your budget.”
“The timeline of your relationship is a bit unclear, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you were supposed to be the proud sponsor of her vacation. Since you fell through, there’s no point in continuing the relationship.” – This_Grab_452
After reading about the ordeal, Redditors spotted the swindler from miles away.
Besides feeling like the OP should not feel guilty about not wanting to pay more money for the girlfriend’s vacation, they felt sorry for him for being a victim of the alleged scam.