Allowing someone into your home is an act of Trust.
Whether that person is family, friend or plumber, the trust is implied the moment they step over the threshold.
The trust, of course, is that the guest will honor the rules of the home and treat their host with respect.
What happens when that trust isn’t honored? When the respect isn’t given?
This was the problem facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) AITA_Apt_Heat2021 when he came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for clarity.
“AITA for not wearing a shirt in a too-hot apartment?”
He began by explaining the characters involved.
“This is a conflict with my sister-in-law.”
“SIL(Sister In Law), my wife, and myself are all in our mid-30s.”
Then he laid out the history.
“She’s staying at our apartment for while water damage to hers is repaired – the apartment above her decided to have problems with the bathtub.”
“It’s mostly been fine, but we’ve recently been having a huge argument.”
OP then got to the situation at hand.
“Our apartment’s heat has gone crazy, with the heat pushing to nearly 80 degrees.”
“This is in Minnesota, so 80 is a breaking point for a lot of us.”
“The property management company is aware of the problem, but it’ll be about a week before it can get fixed since it’s not an emergency.”
“Since it’s been so hot, I’ve decided to start going shirtless.”
“I work from home, so I see no reason to be miserable all day.”
“I’m very much Basic Guy Body – nothing at all special to look at, but not fat/hairy either.”
“I’m store-brand vanilla ice cream with my shirt off.”
“This is weirdly relevant.”
“My SIL flipped when I walked into the kitchen to get some water because I didn’t bother putting on a shirt to leave the office.”
“Comments along the lines of ‘Ew, gross, I don’t want to see that, have some decency!’ “
“I ignored her, but she kept pestering.”
“Note, at this point both she and my wife are wearing sleep shorts and tank tops/cami-tops.”
“Unless I’m cooking, I’m shirtless until we get things fixed – this includes sitting on the couch.”
The tensions mounted until,
“SIL eventually said: ‘Seeing you without a shirt is gross and makes me feel sick. You need to keep a shirt on!’ “
“I replied: ‘I don’t care. My physical comfort is more important than your inability to deal with what you see.’ “
“My wife had had a couple drinks and laughed at my comment, which caused SIL to snap at her: ‘It’s not funny! It’s gross! What would you say if I just had my t*ts hanging out?’ “
“Wife snorted laughter and said: ‘Oh no, danger b**bs! Well, if you think my husband’s gross, you can get out of our apartment.’ “
“SIL stomped out of the room and went to call her parents.”
“My father-in-law took our side, mother-in-law chided me for being ‘disrespectful of guests’ and that I should be more considerate of her daughter’s feelings.”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for an outside opinion.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some took issue with the language used by SIL.
“Your wife should point out exactly what she said to her parents.”
“Who tells their hosts that his body makes her feel gross and sick?“~plscallmeRain
“NTA your Sil is horrible! Who says that to someone!?!?“~bobdown33
Others pointed out SIL’s bad attitude.
“Your SIL is being awfully entitled and your wife’s response amused me.”
“She’s right. If your SIL is so upset by man chest, she can leave.”
“How DOES she endure the summer?”
“Does she avoid all pools, beaches, work out areas, and parks?”
“You and your wife should plan a beach trip and make sure to tell SIL she won’t be invited since the sight of your beach body is so traumatizing for her.“~jammy913
OP’s wife definitely made a lasting impression though.
“Your SIL sucks, but your wife is super awesome.”
“Also, as an Asian woman I don’t understand your SIL at all, white dad bods do it for me.”
“It’s her manners that’s the turn off here.”~vinegarbaby
“Your wife’s reaction is priceless.”
“Also she should tell her mother how disrespectful and rude your SIL was towards you.”
“Who insults their host who is helping them out in a difficult situation?”
“She sounds like a real piece of work.”~feralheartHH
While some tried to comfort OP.
“Her dislike of your body has no standing in this situation.”
“Your body type has no bearing in this situation.”
“It should not matter what your body type/shirtless presentation is.”
“Her nasty comment makes her the a**hole, and doubly so, as she is a guest in your home.”
“Your response does not make you an AH at all”~StitchandReuben
“It’s you and your wife’s place.”
“You two kindly gave SIL a place to stay until her apartment is repaired.”
“SIL needs a roll of CBD toilet paper to calm her butt down and quit being so overdramatic.”
“Maybe next time she makes a remark about you being shirtless, ask her if she ridicules male strangers at the beach for being shirtless in public rather the privacy of their own home, like yourself.”~RabbitOfCaerbonnog
Of course, there were personal stories too.
“I had an apartment with a similar issue in college.”
“My roommate and I would warn people before they came over to wear a swimsuit or something because their winter clothes would be too hot.”
“These 2 guys we were friends with came over and ended up hanging out in their boxers the whole time because they didn’t listen.”~RemarkableMarker
Allowing someone into your home is a sign of trust.
Of course, not everyone respects that trust or those who give it.
Be wary of those who take advantage of your kindness without giving any in return.