Redditor Outraged After Husband Keeps Throwing Away Any Dishes They Forget To Put Away To Prove Point

When someone thinks a loved one doesn't value something enough, they often like to prove a point.

Sometimes resulting in their taking rather unorthodox measures.

Measures that are not ways appreciated by the intended target.

Nor do these measures always succeed at making a point.

The husband of Redditor _MS22u had grown very tired of a certain habit the OP had around their home.

Resulting in the original poster (OP)'s husband taking matters into his own hands.

Infuriating the OP in the process.

Wondering if their anger was justified, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for being upset that my husband throws away dishes I forget to put away?"

The OP explained why dishes were beginning to form a wedge between them and their husband:

"I’ve always struggled with washing dishes right away, and sometimes they pile up in the sink."

"I usually end up washing them, but my husband hates this."

"A couple of weeks ago, he said that if he ever finds another dish in the sink, he’s throwing it away in the garbage."

"There has not been a single dish in the sink."

"The rules have since changed to, if he sees any dish anywhere in the house unattended, it goes in the trash."

"I forgot a water cup on the coffee table the other day that’s now at the dump. I used a knife from the $100 knife set to open a package and forgot it out, it’s now gone."

"Is my anger unreasonable or does this situation indeed feel childish?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community was somewhat divided as to whether or not they felt the OP was the a**hole for being angry at their husband:

Some felt the OP's anger was justified, feeling their husband was overreacting, and also being wasteful, by throwing out the dishes:

"NTA."

"This is not normal behavior from a partner."

"And if he's willing to go this far just on dishes, then he'll come up with something else once you fully comply (next time it'll be 'all your clothes have to fit in these two drawers otherwise I'm throwing them out'/'if you're on your phone for too long I get to delete some of your apps/contacts'/etc."

"And it'll get worse after that."

"Please PLEASE consider reaching out to a loved one and discussing ways to get yourself out of this marriage."

"To be clear, I'm not saying OP can't possibly be doing anything wrong here."

"It does to me seem like OP is playing cute for at least part of the situation (there's a rule of no dirty dishes in the sink; well, there were no dirty dishes in the sink, just on the counter, so I complied, kind of mentality)."

"I think frustration over that would be valid."

"I don't think this is at all an appropriate manifestation of frustration."

"To me, there's no instance in which toxic behavior is an appropriate or justified response to someone being obnoxious to deal with."

"And at least, IME, people who resort to toxic behavior patterns, even in seemingly justified instances, only get worse with time."

"Once that works, now everything gets the toxic behavior brush because that's 'the only thing that works'."

"I get the sense we are seeing some of that already here (again, not to say that I think OP is an angel here, but this is hardly a proportionate way to handle that)."

"Once you resort to toxic behaviors, IMO you're TAH."

"No matter how sympathetic or unsympathetic the other person may be."

"To me, there's a line where once you cross it, this is no longer a discussion about how both people are in the wrong and need to come to an agreement."

"But I acknowledge I may have a harder line on that than others."- Elegant_Biscotti4424

"NTA, that’s unhinged controlling sh*t."- Merkkin

"NTA."

"This is an abusive relationship, and you should immediately leave if you can."- False_Appointment_24

"NTA."

"If the two of you had decided on this, it would be tolerable."

"Like, if you'd said, 'I need a real consequence, or I won't remember,' and you both decided this would be the consequence."

"But him just issuing an ultimatum?"

"Gross, wasteful, and controlling."-

"But why would you use the good knives to open packages?"- trustyminotaur

While some had trouble sympathizing with either the OP or their husband:

"My husband used to be like you and after years of frustration and 'I'll stay on top of it' I too got flustered and took similar action without tossing stuff though."

"I would negotiate with him my method, which worked."

"When I'd find trash or old gross dishes lying around (trash often right next to the trash can) more than 2 days, I'd put it in a box or bag and in his office."

"So he could physically see how much he left out rather than me cleaning up behind him every time he used anything."

"Letting food and cups sit around getting moldy is not only gross, but makes cleaning them take way longer."

"I just do not understand."

"ESH."- Lost_nova

"ESH, but you in a normal way and him in a 'wtf what is wrong with you' way."

"You should put things away, but his reaction is so out of proportion."

"You shouldn't throw out something perfectly good because you're frustrated with your partner, and you shouldn't treat your partner like a naughty child you're meant to punish."

"If your partner has a habit that upsets you, you're meant to work together to find a system that works, or you break up."

"Those are the options."

"If he insists on getting rid of perfectly good things, he can mail me the dishes. I need some new ones."- WandersongWright

"ESH."

"Telling the husband to 'Wash them yourself' is not an answer, and it wouldn't be tolerated if the genders were reversed."

"Clean up your sh*t."

"It's a complete over-reaction, but my god, clean up after yourself."- MR_LIZARD_BRAIN

"ESH."

"Throwing away usable dishes and knives is an A thing to do."

"But having lived with (and divorced) a slob myself… I understand the rage that would cause this behavior over time."- Dangerous-Art-Me

While others understood where the OP's husband was coming from, feeling they likewise wouldn't be able to handle a house full of dirty dishes:

"There was a post about this where a roommate didn't clean up after themselves, and the consensus was to do what your husband is doing."

"Don't know why the opinion has changed?"

"YTA."- Sad_Entrepreneur6234

"YTA."

"I'm a woman with ADHD."

"I know how it manifests for people can be different, but it's not an excuse to be a slob."

"Perhaps because I grew up in a very clean home where you washed your plate after using it, dishes have never been a problem."

"I just do them immediately or while I cook."

"There's a lot of context missing from your situation, especially regarding communication about this issue."

"Is this the first time or a repeated occurrence?"

"From my own personal experience, I feel like it takes a lot to get to the point where you'd just rather throw it in the trash than have the same conversation about the dishes again."

"I lived with someone like you for 8 years, and honestly, it's exhausting."

"It got to the point where I did get dishes and silverware in the trash because I was so tired of cleaning up after another supposed adult."

"He would use an unreasonable amount of dishes in a single day, like I'm talking 10 cups (I counted once) plus plates and silverware, etc., whereas I used my thermos for water throughout the day."

"He would just leave them to pile up in the sink, on the kitchen island, random places in the apartment for days and days, at which point they would start to get nasty and stink."

"I also did all the cooking."

"I hate cooking in a dirty kitchen; it's unsanitary, so it fell on me to clean up."

"We had conversations, I pleaded, I begged, I even stopped cleaning his dishes and only did mine."

"Eventually, one day as I was fighting to scrub the crust off a pan I just went f*ck it!"

"It's going in the bin, and that's what I did, until I broke up with him because this behavior showed me he just didn't give a shit about me or our living space."- ShiaKer

"YTA."

"I never thought I'd be defending a man, but here we are."

"If the roles were swapped, we would be calling it weaponized incompetence."

"But you're conveniently calling it 'struggling with washing dishes'."

"You don't struggle to eat in them, though."

"It's exhausting reminding a slob to clean up after themselves."

"Interestingly, you admit that when he started applying the consequences, you stopped leaving out the dirty dishes. meaning you can, you just didn't want to."- mme_acheampong

Not many people would be happy to see dirty dishes left anywhere in their home, let alone the sink.

But will throwing away dishes, particularly expensive ones, really teach the OP to change their ways?

Actions certainly have consequences, and it seems likely there will be consequences for the behavior of both the OP and their husband.