Teen Refuses To Delete Video Of Dad Proposing To His Girlfriend So Ex-Wife Doesn't See It

Finding love more than once in a lifetime can be seen as a miracle.

A lot of people rarely find it once.

So to be lucky enough to get a second chance is something people tend to embrace.

But second loves and marriages can come with baggage.

That baggage... it's called the past.

Redditor After-Soil3386 found herself in a personal dilemma regarding her father's marriage proposal to his girlfriend, so she turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.

Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.

She asked:

"AITAH for refusing to delete the video of my dad proposing to his girlfriend even though my dad doesn't want my mom to see/hear what he said?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"My (15 F[emale]) dad (44 M[ale]) wanted my help to video his proposal to his G[irl]F[riend] (27 F), now fiancée."

"It was Saturday at a park."

"My dad was in a suit, but that's typical of him."

"Unless he's going to the beach or gym, if he's going out, he wears a suit. "

"He was doing his part well, sitting on a bench and looking at his phone, making things seem like a typical day."

"My sister (12 F) was there, but she didn't know what my dad was planning."

"After my dad's girlfriend had finished jogging, I did what my dad asked me to do."

"I asked her to pose for a picture because this would make a great shot for her Instagram."

"That gave me the excuse to start videoing her."

"When my dad walked up to her and held both of her hands, she started crying. "

"She realized at that moment what was going on."

"It's typical for her to cry, but my dad started crying."

"I've literally never seen my dad cry before."

"Here is some of what he said that he is now bothered by."

"He told her that he never knew that he could love a woman the way he loves her."

"He said that she's his soul mate and his life partner."

"He said she's the most beautiful woman he's ever seen."

"He said with her, me, and my sister, he now has everything he's always wanted."

"When my dad tried to get down on one knee, she tried to stop him as she was saying yes several times."

"But he still went down on one knee to propose with the ring."

"She said yes."

"Later, my dad brought everyone home."

"His fiancée was napping."

"I was showing my dad the video, and he was cringing at himself. "

"He said he can't let my mom (45f) see the video."

"He said some of the things he said were cruel to my mom."

"That it undermined their marriage."

"He explained to me which parts of the video he thought were cruel."

"He asked me to delete the video."

"My dad's fiancée is very sensitive, very sentimental, and prone to crying."

"If she were to hear that the video got deleted, she would be devastated."

"She would especially be devastated to hear the video got deleted because my dad was thinking of mom's feelings over her feelings."

"I told my dad that when he and his fiancée are in the same room, I will unlock my phone and hand it to them."

"And they can delete it together."

"He said we have to delete it now, and I said no."

"I told him clearly that I wanted no part in the video getting deleted. "

"My dad looked like he wanted to yell, but he stopped himself."

"My dad looked very stressed."

"He told me to go take a shower and do my homework."

"I left him as he was sitting down, hands over his face, looking as if someone had died."

"The moment for me to hand my phone to them hasn't happened yet."

"They had spent yesterday doing post-proposal stuff."

"I think my dad is stalling."

"I do appreciate that my dad is so concerned about my mom's feelings."

"I understand that this is a tough situation for him."

"But I don't want any part of his fiancée's unhappiness if the video gets deleted."

"His fiancée is already intimated by my mom."

"If the video gets deleted, it could forever change the relationship between my dad and his fiancée."

The OP was left to wonder:

"Am I the A**hole?"

Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.

"NTA, Email them the video and delete it from your phone, it's not your business what happens to it anymore." ~ Dry_Cauliflower4562

"Great job, OP!"

"I’m sorry you were put in this awkward position, but this old lady thinks you handled yourself perfectly!"

"You were put in an unfortunate situation by your dad, and were conflicted because you care about his partner’s feelings."

"If you were my kid, I’d be proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself!"

"Keep being a good human!"

"NTA, at all!" ~ llorensm

"This is the way."

"It’s unfair of him to put this burden on you."

"Also, the age gap and Instagram setup feel cringe."

"It sounds like he shared some beautiful yet painful truths, but I am betting the video of a middle-aged man in a suit kneeling in front of an Instagram hottie in her running outfit just made him feel silly. "

"I think he’s using the wording as an excuse and just doesn’t know how to untangle the knots in his head right now."

"Send them the video."

"She can keep the memory - he can delete it."

"If you’re all on iPhones, just airdrop it (no quality loss for her)."

"It sounds like you and your sister are so sweet and supportive of everyone’s happiness."

"Don’t let your dad discourage that quality." ~ shootingstarstuff

"This is excellent advice."

"You are NTA."

"There are a lot of layers to this, but in the big picture, you do not need to be involved in the final decision." ~ lisadean43

"NAH - I actually think it's pretty respectful of him to be concerned that what he said would be hurtful to your mom."

"Just because they are divorced doesn't mean he wants to hurt her."

"Nor does it mean he's prioritizing his ex over his fiancée."

"It's likely he really meant that stuff he said to his fiancée, but doesn't see the need to have it rubbed in your mom's face, which is admirable."

"I do think it's a bit disrespectful to his fiancée to delete it outright, and I don't blame you for not wanting to delete it."

"Why can't there just be an agreement that it's never shown to your mom?" ~ Vyckerz

"Agree. He obviously meant what he said during the proposal, but some of this could definitely hurt his ex."

"I think it’s actually very mature of him to realize that, not all people would."

"Dad just needs to agree with his fiancée to keep the video private, just for them."

"If she wants to post something on socials, post a picture instead." ~ Local_Gazelle538

"I understand why your mum would be unhappy."

"Knowing that your dad proposed to her when she was never the most beautiful woman in his life or his partner when really he was just waiting for his soul mate to start high school… NTA- send her the video."

"If your dad is going to marry her, he has to man up and be true to what he feels and believes." ~ beached_not_broken

"She’s a bit young for him, isn’t she?"

"She was only 12 when you were born."

"She’ll be more like a big sister than a step mum... lol."

"The video sounds very cringe."

"Depends on what happened to cause your parents' divorce, for your mum to be hurt by this video."

"If she chose to end things, then she wouldn’t care, but the fact that he is worried about her feelings is making me think your dad hurt her."

"Your mother gave him you and your sister, so back when they got engaged, he would have felt the same for her, and he feels he’s disrespected her by saying the same things to his new fiancée."

"Sounds like guilt."

"Send the video to his girlfriend if you want, but it’s your phone, so you don’t have to delete it."

"Maybe he needs to tone down the cringy behavior." ~ Glittering_Swan4911

"NTA. Put the video on a thumb drive and give it to them together."

"Tell them you are going to delete it to save space."

"Then let them work it out." ~ JJQuantum

"What he said would likely be quite devastating to your mom, even if she is fully moved on from him."

"They shared a life together."

"However, I don't think he should hide his feelings for his new partner just because it will hurt his ex's feelings."

"This is for him to have a conversation with his new partner and let her know that if she wants to post the engagement, he would prefer she post still shots and not the video."

"Send it to him and be done with it." ~ Bridgwind

"NAH. You both have valid points."

"Your dad is trying to keep a civil relationship with your mom, who I assume still has custody time?"

"That can be a pretty big concern for him."

"Could you maybe edit the video by taking out the audio and replacing it with her favorite song?"

"Fiancée gets her sentimental video, but dad doesn’t have to stress about it."

"You can tell fiancée the phone microphone wasn’t working right or picked up weird background audio." ~ Agoraphobe961

"Well, a 27-year-old is never the soulmate of a 44-year-old."

"And he did undermine his marriage; he said those words out loud."

"In what context would your mom even see this video?"

"NTA, but it's also not your problem."

"Send it to him." ~ Lov3I5Treacherous

Reddit is with you, OP.

You're trying to keep your hands clean of the crime.

This is your Dad's issue to fix.

Hopefully, he'll do the right thing.

Good Luck.