In today's economy and job market, it's harder than ever to get into college, find a job that pays enough to cover the bills, or even be selected for an internship.
When an opportunity falls into a person's lap from a close connection, they'd be stupid not to take advantage of it, argued the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Key-Efficiency3961 was able to help their adult, younger brother acquire an opportunity from an extended family member to apply for an exclusive and competitive internship. Knowing how important this was, she attempted to help by reminding him about the approaching deadline.
When he accused her of babying him and acting like his mother, the Original Poster (OP) sat back and watched as he procrastinated, missed the deadline, and demanded that she use their family's connection to get an application deadline.
She asked the sub:
"Am I the a**hole for refusing to help my brother after he missed an opportunity I warned him about?"
The OP helped her younger brother land an opportunity to apply for an exclusive internship.
"I (24 Female) have a younger brother (20 Male) who recently had an opportunity to apply for a paid internship through a family connection."
"When he told me about it, I advised him to apply early because the deadline was strict."
"He kept delaying it and saying he had enough time."
"I reminded him a couple of times, and he got upset every time, saying I was acting like I was his mother."
The OP decided to stop "acting like his mother" and let her brother make his own mistakes.
"Well, the deadline passed, and he missed it."
"Now he got upset and says I should not have stopped reminding him since I knew how important it was."
"A few days later, he asked if I could talk to the family contact and get him reconsidered."
"I refused because the deadline was clearly stated and I don’t think it’s fair to ask for special treatment after I kept reminding him and he ignored."
The OP's brother didn't appreciate having to actually be an independent adult.
"Now he’s angry at me and says I’m not being supportive."
"I feel bad that he missed out, but I also feel like this was his responsibility."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she already did everything she could to help and that it was time for her brother to step up.
"NTA, you did everything you could to help him; he was the one who didn't act."
"And honestly, if he can't be bothered to apply for an opportunity that falls in his lap by a clear deadline, it doesn't sound like he was a very strong candidate to begin with..." - dykeviola
"It sounds like you're doing him a favor by telling him 'no.' Maybe he'll learn a thing or two about consequences." - fresh-dork
"Honestly, if he acts that way all the time, you might tarnish your own credibility recommending him." - tango421
"He procrastinated and now is trying to blame you."
"You did everything you could short of filling it out yourself. Just mock him; he cannot be helped until he's ready." - rnewscates73
"NTA, because he needs to learn from the consequences of his own actions, and he's your brother, not your child, meaning not your responsibility, as he so profoundly pointed out." - CarrotGratin
"NTA. He needs to take responsibility for his mistakes. He should be the one to call the family contact, not you." - Hungry_Pup
"NTA. Absolutely not. Don’t fold and give him what he wants, either. He’s young, so he should take this as a learning opportunity." - Triple_Angst
"If anyone caves and does it for him, like getting the extension that he wants, that will be the new norm, and he will expect to be bailed out every single time."
"Don’t do it. Stick by your decision."
"He needs to learn consequences and take accountability for his own lack of follow-through."
"He’s p**sy because he knows it’s on him and doesn’t want to acknowledge it. Not following through and not having the spine to make the call himself. Time for him to grow up." - BrainDivots
"NTA. Being supportive reminds him to apply early. You were supportive. Now he is asking for special treatment. Not the same thing. Hopefully, a lesson learned." - Suzdog
"NTA, and honestly, if he couldn’t be bothered to apply for the internship, he didn’t deserve it."
"I would not ask someone you know to put their professional integrity and reputation on the line for someone who couldn’t be organized and engaged enough to apply for an opportunity, and for someone who thinks that responsibility lies with someone other than themselves."
"He’s taking no accountability, he’s showing no initiative, h**l, YOU had to ask the friend for a second opportunity because he still couldn’t be bothered. I’d never want to put my professional reputation on the line for your brother, and you should stop asking the family friend to do the same."
"Your brother doesn’t deserve it, and despite the blaming he’s doing, he’s not even trying to get it. He hasn’t made the bare minimum effort to apply."
"Stop helping him. The more you help him, the more he relies on you and the more he believes his failures are your fault. Don’t be an asshole to yourself. Let him grow up." - Amazing_Cabinet1404
Others agreed, pointing out that the brother would remain irresponsible until he was pushed to step up and take care of himself.
"He doesn’t seem bothered by it because everyone has bailed him out before. Or because he missed out on one good thing, something else good has come along and made sure he’s gotten that."
"So either way, he’s waiting for the next bailout. He knows he just needs to be patient."
"Why do I know this? He told you about it. You then kept reminding him about what he said. And reminding him."
"He called you his mom. Which I’m guessing may be new or maybe not. But usually someone keeps reminding him, but you didn’t. He missed the deadline, and it’s your fault because you didn’t keep reminding him."
"See, none of this is his fault. Your fault for nagging him. Your fault for stopping when he asked. Your fault that he missed the deadline."
"Who really screwed up? Him. But he’s so used to everyone bailing him out. Everyone is helping him. Everyone is just babying him, so he’s not going to care because he’s still waiting for the next thing you’ll basically do for him."
"NTA. He is. But he will only learn if everyone gets off the bailout train. Because this doesn’t work if others keep bailing him out." - Sunnyok85
"Since he's young, he can (hopefully) learn from this lesson."
"Though, the fact that he got upset with you for 'acting like his mother' and then got upset when you stopped, because apparently he's incapable of behaving like a responsible adult, doesn't make me too hopeful."
"Maybe he'll surprise all of us."
"NTA, obviously." - velvety_chaos
"He is far from being fresh out of high school, but even if he were, my peers and I NEVERRRR would have snoozed on an opportunity like that. Fools gonna fool around and find out, I guess." - Lucky-Coin-88
"NTA. This is a classic 'f**k around and find out' situation. Little bro has to learn this for himself."
"Hopefully, he realizes he is a grown-a** adult now, and nobody on earth is going to hold his hand and remind him of all the things. He missed this opportunity for the internship, but gained an opportunity to learn from the mistake. Early bird gets the worm!" - Lactating-almonds
"NTA. Tell him to grow the f**k up. You're not his mother, and you're not going to act like it. If he can't be a**ed to take advantage of an opportunity that's going to make his life better, that's on him." - JosieJOK
"If he wanted the internship that badly, he would've taken OP's advice seriously and applied early or at least started preparing and set a timer, i.e., a week before the deadline to focus on the application process."
"If he can't be bothered to prioritize things and practice time management and self discipline, then it doesn't matter if you had ignored his 'don't remind me' or he somehow got the internship... if he stayed up late and couldnt bother to set an alarm or wake up timely himself for example there were plenty of ways for him to screw up the internship."
"It sounds like he's got some learning to do before he's professionally prepared for much of anything." - Lilpanda21
"Procrastination has consequences. It’s a lesson he needs to learn. If you fix it for him, he won’t learn it."
"It sounds like he may not learn it anyway since he’s not taking responsibility." - Atworkwasalreadytake
"NTA. As your brother aptly noticed, you are not, in fact, his mother. Even if you were his mother, one could argue that you would be doing him a disservice to helicopter over him and try to fix his mistake. Hopefully, he will learn from this and plan better next time." - UteLawyer
"NTA. And he's not ready for the responsibility of the post, either. Think of the liability he would be when he can't even care enough to apply on time!"
"You reminded him, and he complained. You still tried to help, and he resisted. He is hopefully learning the lesson." - CanAhJustSay
"NTA. We call this a life lesson." - Snarl_Marx
The subreddit could understand the importance of an internship opportunity like this, and, because of that, they were especially flummoxed that the OP's brother had fumbled it so badly.
If he wanted an opportunity like this, he needed to take responsibility for his actions and meet his deadlines, like an adult.
