A man was stoked after he planned the perfect wedding proposal to his girlfriend at one of their favorite romantic spots.
Unfortunately, things went downhill when he made the mistake of agreeing to have his sister join the occasion to take some candid photos before the moment of surprise.
When he made a reactionary decision that caused family drama, he visited the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
Redditor Dirimndz asked:
"AITA for Not Inviting My Sister to My Wedding After She Ruined My Proposal?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I (29 M[ale]) recently got engaged to my girlfriend (28 F[female]), and it was supposed to be one of the happiest moments of our lives. I had planned a romantic proposal at our favorite spot, a secluded beach where we had our first date."
"I had everything ready: flowers, a small picnic, and a photographer hiding nearby to capture the moment."
When the day came, my sister (32 F[female]) insisted on tagging along. She said she wanted to take a few 'candid' photos of us before the proposal. I was hesitant but agreed, thinking it might make the moment more special. Big mistake."
The OP explained why he regretted agreeing to this.
"As we reached the spot, my sister started acting weird, making snarky comments and trying to direct the whole scene like a movie. My girlfriend could sense something was off, and the mood was getting ruined."
"Then, out of nowhere, my sister grabbed the ring box from my pocket and yelled, 'Surprise! Look what he's going to do!' My girlfriend was shocked, and I was furious."
"I managed to salvage the proposal somewhat, but the moment was tainted. My girlfriend said yes, but we both felt the proposal was ruined."
"Later, I confronted my sister, and she just laughed it off, saying she was 'just trying to help' and that I was overreacting."
"Fast forward to our wedding planning, and my fiancée and I decided not to invite my sister. We wanted our day to be about us, without any unnecessary drama."
That didn't go well. The OP said:
"When my family found out, they were furious. My parents called me heartless, and my sister is playing the victim, saying I'm tearing the family apart over a 'little joke.' "
"Now I'm feeling conflicted. AITA for not inviting my sister to my wedding after she ruined my proposal?"
It turns out this was not the first time the sister caused problems in the past.
The OP wrote in edits:
"Here are a few other, not so minor, instances in which my sister has done me wrong:"
"1.My sister has a long history of attention-seeking behavior. She's the type to fake fainting at parties just to get everyone's attention. She once 'accidentally' set off the fire alarm at my fiancée's birthday party, causing the whole place to evacuate and ruining the celebration."
"2.This wasn't the first time she's crossed the line with me. When I got my first big promotion, she announced she was pregnant at the same party, only to later admit she was joking. At another family event, she spiked the punch with alcohol knowing I was on medication that strictly prohibited drinking."
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
'Then, out of nowhere, my sister grabbed the ring box from my pocket and yelled, "Surprise! Look what he's going to do!" '
"What she did is so ludicrous that my first reaction was that perhaps this post isn't real, no one could be that obtuse. I don't blame you one bit for not wanting her at your wedding; you already made the mistake of allowing her to come along to the proposal. NTA"
"she just laughed it off, saying she was 'just trying to help""
"What might she try to do to 'help' at the wedding if she went?"
"My parents called me heartless"
"Perhaps your parents are part of the problem and have always enabled her behavior?" – StonewallBrigade21
"OP. Just fake her out. Don't involve your family in any of the planning. Get your sister the invitation to the wrong venue, a good hour out of the way. 'You were just trying to help your fiance have the wedding you wanted her to have.' " – desertboots
'My parents called me heartless'
"I'm guessing, based on your edit that confirms this is normal behavior for her, that your parents have a history of enabling and explaining away your sister's behavior."
'my sister is playing the victim'
"Of course she is, because taking accountability would mean admitting that she purposefully ruined your proposal."
'saying I'm tearing the family apart over a "little joke" '
"You finally having enough of her BS ≠ 'tearing the family apart.' Again, she just doesn't want to admit that she's facing the consequences of her poor behaviors."
"NTA. Stay strong and don't invite her. You should probably put your parents on a strict information diet and have security at your wedding to ensure your sister and/or your enabling parents don't pull some shenanigans."
"You should also be prepared for your parents to threaten to not attend if you don't invite her. Don't fall for it. If they actually follow through, that's their loss not yours." – Glitter_Voldemort
"What's the joke? And how was she helping? Your sister is beyond out of line. Im so sorry you have to deal with her nonsense.NTA." – MyTh0ughtsExactly
"NTA, but a bit of a dumba** for allowing her to tag along for the proposal."
"Never mind that the proposal should have been a private affair between you and your girlfriend, but you admitted in your own post that your sister has done outlandish things at the most inappropriate times to seek attention, so you were quite naive to think she would behave when you planned to propose."
"You don't bring a monkey to a picnic and then be upset at the monkey when it starts throwing poop at everyone." – Adogg1973
"NTA, but reading all those other instances of sister seeking attention, why in the world would OP agree to let her come? He should have known she'd do something like this. It's clearly intentional." – AlannaAdvice
'At another family event, she spiked the punch with alcohol knowing I was on medication that strictly prohibited drinking."
"I'm sorry what?!?! NTA and uninvite her from your whole life because that is unhinged. Tell anyone who says to invite her that if they don't drop it and respect the no then they can also be uninvited because they are enabling this toxic and frankly dangerous behavior." – Normal-Kangaroo9209
"I would go the way extra step of asking the groomsmen and bridesmaids to BOLO. Or hire security."
"She should be barred from the ceremony and reception venues. She WILL do something to sabotage your day."
"Do not let her know any details of the day or about the vendors. I wouldn't put it past her to try canceling your arrangements or ruining your plans." – AirportPrestigious
"NTA. Your sister sounds like an attention-seeking narcissist. You and your fiancee need to present a united front and make it clear that your sister will not be invited. She already ruined your proposal, and you don't want her to ruin your wedding."
"If your parents do not respect your wishes, you tell them they will be uninvited. It's time to go NC with your sister, OP. This is your wedding, and you don't have to tolerate stupid, immature or unacceptable behavior. Your parents also sound like enablers." – Popular_Document1399
"NTA- your sister is a pick me that wants to be the main character in everyone's story. She has no boundaries and your parents have allowed her to live in this self centered fantasy world of a bubble."
"At 32 it is well past time for her to grow up and understand there are consequences for her behavior. Your parents failed as parents to you and her." – DuePromotion287
"NTA at all. The majority of my family weren't invited to my wedding because they either behaved like that, or enabled the ones who did and would absolutely have told them when and where to let them crash the wedding and make a scene. I have 0 regrets about doing it that way. It was a truly lovely day."
"Weddings are a celebration of the new couple with people who appreciate and celebrate them. Your sister does not celebrate you, therefore, she is not a fit guest for any wedding."
"If you can, hire security to keep her out of the venue building cause I wouldn't put it past her to pull the fire alarm in the building as petty retaliation by the sounds of it." – BibbleBean
"NTA. I think your examples of her past behavior are alarming. Go over the list with your parents. Ask them what are the chances she will be capable of behaving at your wedding. Tell them you find it sad she is so mentally disturbed and unable to behave."
"Say you trusted her to come to the proposal because you were trying to do what your family has always done and give her a new chance despite her inability to apologize, change, show remorse or even recognize the gravity of her actions."
"It was the very last time you will trust her to not ruin your special moments. Tell them it is very obvious she needs intense therapy. Perhaps if she gets a good therapist and really makes an effort to change and be normal rather than horrible, you will consider in a year allowing her to attend an important function of yours."
"But for now, the way she is and has always been, it is impossible. You will have security at your wedding to keep her out. You know it is hard for them to see her for who she is, but her actions speak louder than her meaningless words. You have made your final decision and you expect them to respect it. Good luck." – CatelinaBaylorfan
Overall, Redditors thought the OP disinviting the sister to the wedding was warranted, however, commenters also thought the OP shouldn't have agreed to letting his sister come along given her history of ruining things in the past.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.