A man was stoked after he planned the perfect wedding proposal to his girlfriend at one of their favorite romantic spots.
Unfortunately, things went downhill when he made the mistake of agreeing to have his sister join the occasion to take some candid photos before the moment of surprise.
When he made a reactionary decision that caused family drama, he visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
Redditor Dirimndz asked:
“AITA for Not Inviting My Sister to My Wedding After She Ruined My Proposal?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (29 M[ale]) recently got engaged to my girlfriend (28 F[female]), and it was supposed to be one of the happiest moments of our lives. I had planned a romantic proposal at our favorite spot, a secluded beach where we had our first date.”
“I had everything ready: flowers, a small picnic, and a photographer hiding nearby to capture the moment.”
When the day came, my sister (32 F[female]) insisted on tagging along. She said she wanted to take a few ‘candid’ photos of us before the proposal. I was hesitant but agreed, thinking it might make the moment more special. Big mistake.”
The OP explained why he regretted agreeing to this.
“As we reached the spot, my sister started acting weird, making snarky comments and trying to direct the whole scene like a movie. My girlfriend could sense something was off, and the mood was getting ruined.”
“Then, out of nowhere, my sister grabbed the ring box from my pocket and yelled, ‘Surprise! Look what he’s going to do!’ My girlfriend was shocked, and I was furious.”
“I managed to salvage the proposal somewhat, but the moment was tainted. My girlfriend said yes, but we both felt the proposal was ruined.”
“Later, I confronted my sister, and she just laughed it off, saying she was ‘just trying to help’ and that I was overreacting.”
“Fast forward to our wedding planning, and my fiancée and I decided not to invite my sister. We wanted our day to be about us, without any unnecessary drama.”
That didn’t go well. The OP said:
“When my family found out, they were furious. My parents called me heartless, and my sister is playing the victim, saying I’m tearing the family apart over a ‘little joke.’ “
“Now I’m feeling conflicted. AITA for not inviting my sister to my wedding after she ruined my proposal?”
It turns out this was not the first time the sister caused problems in the past.
The OP wrote in edits:
“Here are a few other, not so minor, instances in which my sister has done me wrong:”
“1.My sister has a long history of attention-seeking behavior. She’s the type to fake fainting at parties just to get everyone’s attention. She once ‘accidentally’ set off the fire alarm at my fiancée’s birthday party, causing the whole place to evacuate and ruining the celebration.”
“2.This wasn’t the first time she’s crossed the line with me. When I got my first big promotion, she announced she was pregnant at the same party, only to later admit she was joking. At another family event, she spiked the punch with alcohol knowing I was on medication that strictly prohibited drinking.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
‘Then, out of nowhere, my sister grabbed the ring box from my pocket and yelled, “Surprise! Look what he’s going to do!” ‘
“What she did is so ludicrous that my first reaction was that perhaps this post isn’t real, no one could be that obtuse. I don’t blame you one bit for not wanting her at your wedding; you already made the mistake of allowing her to come along to the proposal. NTA”
“she just laughed it off, saying she was ‘just trying to help””
“What might she try to do to ‘help’ at the wedding if she went?”
“My parents called me heartless”
“Perhaps your parents are part of the problem and have always enabled her behavior?” – StonewallBrigade21
“OP. Just fake her out. Don’t involve your family in any of the planning. Get your sister the invitation to the wrong venue, a good hour out of the way. ‘You were just trying to help your fiance have the wedding you wanted her to have.’ “ – desertboots
‘My parents called me heartless’
“I’m guessing, based on your edit that confirms this is normal behavior for her, that your parents have a history of enabling and explaining away your sister’s behavior.”
‘my sister is playing the victim’
“Of course she is, because taking accountability would mean admitting that she purposefully ruined your proposal.”
‘saying I’m tearing the family apart over a “little joke” ‘
“You finally having enough of her BS ≠ ‘tearing the family apart.’ Again, she just doesn’t want to admit that she’s facing the consequences of her poor behaviors.”
“NTA. Stay strong and don’t invite her. You should probably put your parents on a strict information diet and have security at your wedding to ensure your sister and/or your enabling parents don’t pull some shenanigans.”
“You should also be prepared for your parents to threaten to not attend if you don’t invite her. Don’t fall for it. If they actually follow through, that’s their loss not yours.” – Glitter_Voldemort
“What’s the joke? And how was she helping? Your sister is beyond out of line. Im so sorry you have to deal with her nonsense.NTA.” – MyTh0ughtsExactly
“NTA, but a bit of a dumba** for allowing her to tag along for the proposal.”
“Never mind that the proposal should have been a private affair between you and your girlfriend, but you admitted in your own post that your sister has done outlandish things at the most inappropriate times to seek attention, so you were quite naive to think she would behave when you planned to propose.”
“You don’t bring a monkey to a picnic and then be upset at the monkey when it starts throwing poop at everyone.” – Adogg1973
“NTA, but reading all those other instances of sister seeking attention, why in the world would OP agree to let her come? He should have known she’d do something like this. It’s clearly intentional.” – AlannaAdvice
‘At another family event, she spiked the punch with alcohol knowing I was on medication that strictly prohibited drinking.”
“I’m sorry what?!?! NTA and uninvite her from your whole life because that is unhinged. Tell anyone who says to invite her that if they don’t drop it and respect the no then they can also be uninvited because they are enabling this toxic and frankly dangerous behavior.” – Normal-Kangaroo9209
“I would go the way extra step of asking the groomsmen and bridesmaids to BOLO. Or hire security.”
“She should be barred from the ceremony and reception venues. She WILL do something to sabotage your day.”
“Do not let her know any details of the day or about the vendors. I wouldn’t put it past her to try canceling your arrangements or ruining your plans.” – AirportPrestigious
“NTA. Your sister sounds like an attention-seeking narcissist. You and your fiancee need to present a united front and make it clear that your sister will not be invited. She already ruined your proposal, and you don’t want her to ruin your wedding.”
“If your parents do not respect your wishes, you tell them they will be uninvited. It’s time to go NC with your sister, OP. This is your wedding, and you don’t have to tolerate stupid, immature or unacceptable behavior. Your parents also sound like enablers.” – Popular_Document1399
“NTA- your sister is a pick me that wants to be the main character in everyone’s story. She has no boundaries and your parents have allowed her to live in this self centered fantasy world of a bubble.”
“At 32 it is well past time for her to grow up and understand there are consequences for her behavior. Your parents failed as parents to you and her.” – DuePromotion287
“NTA at all. The majority of my family weren’t invited to my wedding because they either behaved like that, or enabled the ones who did and would absolutely have told them when and where to let them crash the wedding and make a scene. I have 0 regrets about doing it that way. It was a truly lovely day.”
“Weddings are a celebration of the new couple with people who appreciate and celebrate them. Your sister does not celebrate you, therefore, she is not a fit guest for any wedding.”
“If you can, hire security to keep her out of the venue building cause I wouldn’t put it past her to pull the fire alarm in the building as petty retaliation by the sounds of it.” – BibbleBean
“NTA. I think your examples of her past behavior are alarming. Go over the list with your parents. Ask them what are the chances she will be capable of behaving at your wedding. Tell them you find it sad she is so mentally disturbed and unable to behave.”
“Say you trusted her to come to the proposal because you were trying to do what your family has always done and give her a new chance despite her inability to apologize, change, show remorse or even recognize the gravity of her actions.”
“It was the very last time you will trust her to not ruin your special moments. Tell them it is very obvious she needs intense therapy. Perhaps if she gets a good therapist and really makes an effort to change and be normal rather than horrible, you will consider in a year allowing her to attend an important function of yours.”
“But for now, the way she is and has always been, it is impossible. You will have security at your wedding to keep her out. You know it is hard for them to see her for who she is, but her actions speak louder than her meaningless words. You have made your final decision and you expect them to respect it. Good luck.” – CatelinaBaylorfan
Overall, Redditors thought the OP disinviting the sister to the wedding was warranted, however, commenters also thought the OP shouldn’t have agreed to letting his sister come along given her history of ruining things in the past.