For the people we love the most, it's undeniable that we would like to give them things that would make them happy.
But if those things go against something they believe, is it still a good gift? questioned the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor natydia12 was furious to find out how his girlfriend had actually paid for the couple's vacation she arranged for them.
But when the flight home was awkward, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he overreacted.
He asked the sub:
"AITA for 'abandoning' my girlfriend on our trip?"
The OP had fairly rigid morals.
"Me (30 [Male]) and Molly (29 [Female]) have been dating for 3 years. We both work good jobs and overall get along well."
"So I have a personal preference, I don't like favors or to be in debt to people. This is something that was ingrained in me by my father. And something that is important to me. I don't like to feel like I ever 'owe' someone."
"Molly knows my stance and has respected it."
"Molly hangs with a wealthy crowd. I've gone to dinners/shows with her friends and while I think they waste money, it's not a bad time and I always pay my half."
"So I started my own business a year ago with Molly's blessing. It's just getting off the ground, so things are tight. I didn't take a salary for almost a full year."
"Everything I make gets reinvested, but I always make sure I still pay for my half of our bills."
Molly wanted to treat the OP to a break.
"Molly was saying I've been working hard and deserved a vacation."
"She surprised me with tickets to a beach destination and says she's paid for it."
"I offered to pay my half but she wouldn't take it. I was thrilled to go."
"We fly, Uber to this fancy condo, and cap the night with a boat ride together."
Then the OP found out how Molly paid for the trip.
"The next morning a couple of her friends show up, I was shocked as I didn't expect anyone else on the trip."
"Her one friend (who she dated back in HS, I'm don't really like him and Molly knows this) asked how we were enjoying his place."
"I asked what he meant, then he explains his dad's company uses the place for clients."
"I was so mad at this point but held it together till they left. I asked her to come clean."
2Molly admitted she knew I wouldn't go if I knew but the plane tickets/the condo/boat rental were all comped thru her friend."
"I was steaming mad and decided to just leave."
"I was already at the beach and my plane didn't leave for a couple of days. So I Ubered to a hotel and stayed there the next few nights."
"I didn't answer my phone the rest of the trip and enjoyed the vacation by myself."
The OP had mixed feelings.
"I finally saw Molly at the airport and we had a quiet plane ride back with neither of us talking much."
"My family is saying I'm overreacting."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said Molly had intentionally misled the OP.
"I think what makes this a problem is she acknowledged that she wasn't honest because she knew he would refuse otherwise. She can decide that his views are unhealthy or unreasonable, but her options then are to try to discuss and find a solution together, to end the relationship, or to decide it's not a dealbreaker."
"Being dishonest to get her way is not an okay option. It's a very slippery slope to say 'If your partner's boundaries are really unreasonable, just lie to them because their views are invalid;' you can decide a boundary is a dealbreaker for you and end the relationship, but you can't decide the boundary isn't valid so you'll just violate it."
"If someone is that ridiculous then the answer is break up, not lie to them so your ideals get priority. Otherwise, a lot of reasonable boundaries get trampled because someone thought they weren't reasonable enough." - littlefiddle05
"OP seemed to be relaxing his rigidity with his girlfriend and not refusing her gift. She lied to him to accept a gift from someone he didn't want to accept a gift from, which frankly I wouldn't be comfortable with personally, and I have zero problems with favors."
"Said person then brought it up immediately, which must have been so incredibly uncomfortable and jarring. NTA. You made your needs clear and your girlfriend violated them." - toadseyegem
Others said the OP seriously overreacted.
"I would like to know if he would still be mad if his girlfriend used someone else's place. Kinda seems like there is some unresolved resentment and jealousy towards this specific friend. Did the girlfriend not say anything because of OP's principle or because of which friend offered them the vacation?" - AilurusCos
"She arranged a gift for him, it doesn't matter how it worked out. It's not like the OP owes the guy anything, it's an independent arrangement between the guy and OP's GF. OP is being an irrational idiot. He can't see the forest past the trees." - Trauma_Hawks
Some said it was more of an ESH situation.
"It was handled terribly. But this followed kinda close to the 'better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission' way of thinking."
"OP blowing up was unnecessary, but at the same time, asking him ahead of time may have prevented a lot of it."
"Especially since he didn't immediately buy a ticket home, and instead stayed until his flight back. So he seemed to have less issue with the plane ticket and more issue with staying at a hotel that the friend frequented."
"They could have just stayed at a different hotel and enjoyed their vacation together." - RDBZ_90
"Yeah, why talk about it or have a discussion like an adult? Best to just be miserable and flee. The girlfriend made a mistake but her heart was in the right place."
"I cannot imagine how frustrating it would be if every single time I did something nice for my partner, no matter how big or small, they insisted on giving me half the money. That's how op is. It isn't normal nor is it conducive to a healthy relationship."
"He's an a**hole and he needs therapy if he wants to get over his insane insecurities." - RusticTroglodyte
While the subReddit could understand sticking with his morals, they were more divided on how the OP handled the situation overall.
On the one hand, his girlfriend intentionally misled him, even if her intentions were good. But perhaps having a conversation would have been a more mature reaction than storming out.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.