It feels like people have been blurring the lines when it comes to what is and is not appropriate behavior.
Flirting is nice but it can hit a level creepy.
Especially when it’s during a time of another person’s grief.
Case in point…
Redditor throwRA799577 wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for filing a report against my late husband’s colleague and getting him fired?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband (33) passed away 3 weeks ago.”
“He used to work for this company for 4 years.”
“He’d known lots of people and made so many friends.”
“For days I kept getting texts from his colleague ‘Ted.'”
“I don’t know him personally.”
“I had no idea how he even got my number.”
“When he first texted me I texted ‘where did you get my number?'”
“And he replied saying he got it from my husband.”
“At first I felt annoyed but then I started getting flirty texts from him.”
“They started getting more and more inappropriate.”
“I warned him to stop but he sent me a d**k pic one night at 3am and asked if I ‘needed company’ since he ‘knew I was lonely.'”
“I was appalled and enraged I couldn’t even sleep that night.”
“I waited until the early morning to go to the company, straight to his boss and filed a report against him after explaining in detail about his behavior.”
“He ended up getting fired because the other colleagues said he did me and my husband wrong and disrespected his memory.”
“He started arguing about how low what I did was; coming to his work in hopes of ruining his livelihood.”
“He kept saying it was between him and I and his work place had nothing to do with it.”
“But I told him I’ve known him only as my husband’s colleague and he was his colleague.”
“He and a friend of his said that I was aiming to get him fired and that he ‘did nothing’ wrong.”
“And I could’ve talked it out with him instead.”
“My mom called him a piece of shIt for doing this to my husband and me.”
“But also said that he had a point in that I shouldn’t have come after his livelihood since the guy has a kid to provide for.”
“I feel bad about the whole thing and now.”
“I feel like I made things worse and acted out of emotions.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“He got your phone number at work.”
“He knew you were a widow because of work.”
“He would never have targeted you if he hadn’t known your husband and knew he died.”
“So his behavior had everything to do with work.”
“And doing this to his co-worker’s widow?”
“Of course his employer was horrified!”
“The guy had it coming.”
“Preying on someone’s grief is so low. NTA.” ~ wee_idjit
“Exactly! Plus she’s a widow of THREE WEEKS!”
“I might understand reaching out after 6 months and building a friendship but 3 weeks and d*ck pics?!”
“That man deserved the consequences for his horrible actions.”
“OP, I’m so sorry for your loss and that you were harassed by this man.”
“Please consider filing a police report if he continues.”
“This is not ok behaviour. Obviously NTA.” ~ dbellhogwarts
“Emphatically yes.”
“I would fire someone so fast for this they wouldn’t even have time to say ‘But…'”
“OP brought receipts.”
“If I knew an employee was behaving like this toward a former colleague’s widow, I could be damn sure that he’s doing this to other people, potentially other employees.”
“OP, his livelihood is his responsibility,.”
“Which includes keeping it both in his pants and to himself, and isn’t your responsibility.”
“His poor decisions led to losing his job, not yours.” ~ blanksix
“I would bet money that more stories will come out as the office gossip about this spreads.”
“I worked at a job where a man was giving extra attention to female new hires.”
“I think it was just enough to make them uncomfortable but not enough for them to report it.”
“They talked themselves out of it like they ‘didn’t want to ruin his career’ and ‘maybe they were imagining it.'”
“Eventually, enough women were uncomfortable enough that they started discussing it with each other and realized that they weren’t making it up in their heads.”
“It was sexual harassment, and it was a pattern.”
“They finally reported it and he was fired.”
“It wasn’t hidden that he was fired for sexual harassment and resulted in a lot more open communication.”
“The piece I heard third hand was the women’s perspective (from a woman).”
“There’s a huge societal pressure to protect men’s careers and reputations.”
“To the extent that women’s careers and reputations are damaged for threatening them.” ~ fire2374
“Exactly this!”
“Also, OP, there’s a reason you have the option to report someone and there are systems in place which address this type of behavior.”
“No one should be sexually harassed like this, let alone a full-on widow! “
“That’s plain disrespectful.”
“It is downright cruel if you ask me.”
“You did the right thing by reporting him.”
“He sent texts which made you uncomfortable, and he refused to stop when you asked.”
“Now he suffers the consequences. That’s his fault, not yours.”
“Without your report, who knows how many more women would fall victim to his ‘flirting?'”
“Maybe now he’ll think twice before sending unsolicited nudes. You did the right thing.” ~ microcosm95
“This guy is a predator. Full stop.”
“When predators face the consequences of their own actions, they tend to blame other people and try to turn themselves into the victim.”
“That is exactly what this guy is doing.”
“Please feel free not to think about him for one second longer.”
“Also, I am so sorry for your loss.” ~ Classroom_Visual
“NTA if it happened to me I would took it even farther. I’m vindictive.”
“I would love to show this picture to anyone who asked me why I did it.”
“And the more they push I would ask them what he would teach to his child?”
“If it’s a girl it would taught her it’s okay to receive a photo like that and get unwanted attention and just suck it up.”
“If he got a boy it would taught him that is an ok behavior.” ~ Kitty-Cookie
“Agreed, and I like how nobody’s mentioning the kid even though I’m mentioning his kid now lol.”
“I feel like they’re not mentioning the harasser’s kid because that doesn’t matter the kid isn’t OP’s business.”
“And more likely than not, now that this awful guy doesn’t have a job his kid will go back to their other parent or literally anyone else who will actually be a good influence on this poor kid.”
“I feel for ops loss and I’m so glad that man was fired.” ~ GremlinComandr
“I don’t know… since he likely got OP’s number from her late husband’s personnel file, the company could have some liability related to their failure to secure confidential information.”
“And then failure to disclose to her that there had been a breach.”
“His own likely disregard for their protocols/security measures (which I hope exist) could be sufficient grounds to fire him.”
“OP, I’m so sorry for your loss, and then for suffering this ongoing abuse on top of that.”
“I do hope you have reported this behavior to the police.”
“If for no other reason then to start officially documenting the abuse (helpful should it prove to be ongoing or escalating).”
“NTA, obviously.” ~ angela_reddits
“I’m laughing at his and his friend’s logic.”
“Obviously this wasn’t something they could talk about.”
“Unless the sexual harasser is an incelibate who thinks that talking involves more opportunities to try and get laid because what woman can live without a man’s d*ck?”
“In which case it wasn’t obvious to him or his friend, even though it was obvious to other people.”
“Honestly, kids or no kids, that ‘man’ showed a lack of humanity not to mention a lack of actual manliness, so he needed to be fired.”
“And if he has kids, does he currently have a partner already?”
“If so, was he expecting a widow to become his mistress?”
“Something is wrong with him and his kids need to live with their Mother away from him.”
“He needs therapy, and OP should take great care to make sure she isn’t stalked by that sexist AH.”
“And if he does even one more thing to harass her, and/or to retaliate against her, and/or if he stalks her, she better report him to the police.”
“This fool of a sexual harasser is likely to be either a misogynist who will bitterly move on, or he’ll likely be a misogynist who’s on track to commit a crime.” ~ EK_3oh
First OP, so sorry for your loss.
Next, Reddit is pretty clear on your decision.
It seems like you did what was needed to protect yourself.
You have enough to worry about.
Good luck.